Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episode 620: Danger!! Death Ray

I've been getting some requests for new adventures with Mike and The Bots, so here is a new one. This is episode 620: Danger!! Death Ray. Yep, that’s right, Danger!! Death Ray, the movie so exciting one exclamation point just wouldn’t cut it. The title does make it seem like an action packed thrill ride, in actuality it’s just another in the long line of countless cheap James Bond-ian knock offs that were so predominant in the 60s. Sadly given the very low budget of the film it’s missing the entertaining over the top action scenes that make the real Bond films fun. Danger!! actually features what is possibly the cheapest effect I’ve ever seen, and I’m a man who watches a lot of cheap shitty films. You’ll see it when it happens, it involves a “real” helicopter landing on a “real” submarine, in an “ocean” which is clearly a bathtub full of water. I thought I had accidentally flipped over to Francis' "bathtub fun-time" scene in Pee-Wee's Big Adventure for a moment. Was there no stock footage available? They couldn't at least get non-plastic toys for the scene?

Our "Bond" goes by the ridiculous moniker of Bart Fargo in this one. And like James Bond, Fargo’s a bit of a skeezy manwhore. If you're an attractive female, Bart Fargo is going to do you. If you're a hot woman and see Bart approaching you, you might as well start undressing because it's going to happen. So, the plot revolves around the titular Death Ray, which is stolen by evil people who want to do evil things using it’s powers. Fear not! Superspy Bart Fargo is on the mission. That's the plot, nothing more, nothing less. One thing I noticed, I’m not sure what his Superspy Dispatching Agency was called, but it looks like a hell of a place, and they offer a great benefits package, including two weeks of vacation time. And let me tell you, my god do Superspys get pissy if evildoers and their plots of world domination interfere with that vacation time.

The movie kinda blows, but the music is actually pretty good, reminds me of some of the Piero stuff I’ve posted at times. It also occasionally veers into a weird Melvin Van Peebles kind of territory resulting in several rhythmic cries of “Watermelon Man!”, which was one of the highpoints of the episode for me.

So here are the links, two parts, about 350MB each and you need both to watch the episode. The files are on Megaupload, so if you click on the link and get a “File is not found” type message just try again a little later. MU will say that sometimes only to have the file there half an hour later. It’s a complete and total assache. But it’s that or having to download 7 files from Rapidshare.

I wonder if I took a leak right now if I'd break my momentum....
Part 1
Part 2

I wanted to point everyone interested in the MST3K episodes in the direction of the Holy Grail of unreleased MST3K episode downloading sites, MySpleen. I meant to mention this way back when I first posted an episode, but the site was down for a while there when I made that post and I somehow forgot to mention it after that. I guess I had thought I mentioned it before, what can I say, I’m an idiot. Anyway, it’s a torrent site, and there is an amazing amount of wonderful stuff waiting for you over there. Just sign up for an account and you should be set. They have 4 GB DVD files of a lot of episodes, among a ton of other things. Hell, they even have Howard The Duck: The Motion Picture on there right now. Terrible movie, but, and I never thought I’d say this, Lea Thompson is hot! Anyway I will continue to post episodes here of course, because if an episode only has 1 seeder it can take a very long time to finish a download.

Aqua Teen : The Poster

I just came across the poster for the Aqua Teen movie that comes out soon. Incredibly poorly title as Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres. You see, it's funny because Colon is part of the title, even though it doesn't fit in there at all. Anyway, from what I've actually seen this should be pretty funny, I'm hoping it's more in the grand old "I'm gonna fart blood over here" tradition and features less "Dog on Carl action" type humor. Either way, this poster was too incredible for me not post. Click on the image to revel in the glorious detail.

Linnea Quigley and The Skirts - Santa Monica Blvd. Boy

Just got one song I wanted to share this time. This is Linnea Quigley and The Skirts with Santa Monica Blvd. Boy from the movie Nightmare Sisters. A song about what it's like to be a girl whose boyfriend really prefers the company of other boys. I'm not sure if Linnea's band ever actually did anything other than this, but this song, pardon my language, fucking rules.

I really wanted to include this in my Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout post since the entire scene is featured in that video at one point in between two workout segments. Unfortunately it sounded too awful to use in that video. So, I've tracked a DVD copy down just to get this one song. Luckily the movie looks to be a Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-a-Rama type film, so I'm sure I'll be entertained. The Nightmare Sisters DVD, while not sounding really great, does sound a bit better so I wanted to put it up. I've included the rip from the DVD as well as an attempt to do some noise reduction on the track. I'm not one of those people with a really good ear so I'm not sure which is better, so I'll give you guys both. A note on the track, about 20 seconds in the volume gets a bit louder. This is how it is in the movie, I guess they got into the song and really wanted to rock a little harder, so there's not a lot I can do about that.

Hit it!

Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

This is the soundtrack from Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child. I thought I had posted the score earlier, but I couldn't find it in the archive, so I guess I haven't. This installment of the series was directed by Stephen Hopkins the man who showed us the real story behind the Jamaican Voodoo Posse in Predator 2. The film starts off with one of those confusing arty sex scenes. You know, one of those sex scenes that makes you wonder "Wait, am I looking at a man's shoulder or a woman's ass?" The Dream Child really delves into the whole very grim "Son of a hundred maniacs" idea that was touched upon a few times before. Say what you will about these films, a nun being looked in an insane asylum for days while a hundred deranged bastards have their way with her is really dark and disturbing. Of course the terrifying aspect of this idea is killed by the occasionally wacky and campy tone of the film it's featured in.

I had a huge crush on Lisa Wilcox who plays Alice when I was younger. I think it was the diner waitress uniform. Did it for me when I was like 8, I guess. She actually owns a company with Tuesday Knight from part 4 called Toe Brights. I'm sure I mentioned this previously, but I'm mentioning it again just in case you missed it before. Anyway, despite featuring some great effects set pieces I think this is one of the lesser entries. It all looked great, I think one of the better shot of all the movies, but it just didn't really come together in the end. Although the comic book guy scene kinda answers the question "What if A-ha's Take On Me video took place in a slasher film."? Freddy goes about his usual routine of killing most, if not all of the main character's friends. Pretty standard really, but by the end the damn thing turns into Labyrinth with the kid running up upsidedown stairs while being chased by the bad guy. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on who you ask, David Bowie doesn't show up with a ridiculous wig singing any tunes.

On to the soundtrack. There are some pretty cool songs on here, most notably the Iron Maiden and WASP tracks. The Samantha Fox track starts off sounding kinda like Bruce McCulloch's "Spread For No Roses" video from The Kids in the Hall. And Kool Moe Dee sounds an awful lot like Sir Mix-a-Lot in his contribution. Wait, is Kool Moe Dee Sir Mix-a-lot? Is one the alter ego of the other? There are 4 rap tracks on this soundtrack and I remember now why I've avoided that entire genre for the past several years. I mean sure this is late 80s rap which is different from current rap, but I just can't get into it either way.

1. Bring your daughter to the slaughter (04:57)
Bruce Dickinson
2. Heaven in the backseat (03:55)
Romeo's daughter
3. Savage (03:31)
W.a.s.p.
4. Can't take the hurt (04:20)
Mammoth
5. What do you know about rock 'n'roll (03:32)
Slave raider
6. Any way I gotta swing it (04:30)
Whodini
7. Now I lay me down (05:00)
Samantha Fox
8. Lets go (05:21)
Kool moe dee
9. Word up doc (03:21)
Doctor ice
10. Livin' in the jungle (03:35)
Schoolly D

Better not dream and drive.

Manuel De Sica - Dellamorte Dellamore

I recently had a request for this one, and I couldn't find it anywhere else. I know it was on a Blogspot site at one point, but I think it was one of the recently deceased sites. I could be wrong, but hopefully nobody else has it up right now.

So this is Manuel De Sica's music from Michele Soavi's brilliant 1994 film Dellamorte Dellamore. I know I have a lot of "favorite" movies, but this is one of my absolute favorites. I really love this one, it's hauntingly beautiful and grotesque at the same time, while striking a perfect balance between the frightening and the hilarious. It also features one of, in my opinion at least, the best endings I've ever seen. Does anyone know where to locate copies of the Dylan Dog comic it's based on that are translated in English?

You might know it under it's very underwhelming US title Cemetery Man. Sure Francesco is a man, and he is the caretaker of the Buffalora Cemetery, but that title is really kinda stupid and generic. Dellamorte Dellamore translates to Of Death, Of Love (or Of Death and Love) which is a very poetic and fitting title for the film. But I guess changing it to Cemetery Man made it easier to market as a straight gut munching zombie film, Of Death, Of Love makes it kinda sound like a Bergman film.

Rupert Everett gives one of my all time favorite performances as Francesco Dellamorte. It's a shame that he's done absolutely nothing I've been even mildly interested in during the past 13 years because he is perfect in this film. From what I heard he's kinda disowned this film and doesn't include it on his resume. François Hadji-Lazaro is also great as the seemingly dimwitted Gnaghi. If you haven't seen it yet, I recommend you do so soon. Here's a small example of the striking imagery on display throughout the film.

Death, death, death comes sweeping down...

Happy Birthday Joel Hodgson!

Just a quick post to wish the great Joel Hodgson a very Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday Joel! And to anyone stopping by tonight who happens to share a birthday with Mr. Hodgson, then the same goes out to you as well. But mostly to Joel, he wins, because I had a picture of him, and not you.

Alice Cooper - He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask)

Found this on a forum I visit and thought it'd be fun to share. This is Alice Cooper's video for He's Back (The Man Behind The Mask) from Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives. The quality isn't that great, I don't think it was ever released on a video or anything, so this was possibly recorded off of TV back in the 80's and saved from a YouTube upload, then converted to an MPG file. But, it's very cool seeing the video now. You get to watch a fake audience watch the movie, then suddenly Jason bursts through the screen. Corny in all the best possible ways, and you even see Jason throw a headlock on Alice Cooper at the end.

For those of you keeping track, this is my favorite Friday the 13th film. Possibly due to the fact that the movie stars Thom Matthews from my favorite movie ever, Return of the Living Dead. Plus the super cute Megan character was very, well cute, and funny. In fact I actually liked all of the characters, which is very rare for a slasher film. You even get to see Horshack get iced! But most importantly, the movie was just really, really fun. But it still had a little bit of a mean streak in some of the death scenes. I honestly wish we'd get more fun horror films today instead of all these damn depressing torture movies they keep churning out. Those can be good, but sometimes you just need something fun.

Anyway, the video, have fun:
http://lix.in/2dec96

Daniel Licht - Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice

This is from Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice. The Corn is back and it's pissed! From the Producer of Leprechaun! I like how this is titled "The Final Sacrifice", when there are at last count, 5 sequels following this first sequel. Of course, at the time they probably had no idea 6 sequels could be made for a mediocre, mildly popular film from 1984 based on a short story by Stephen King, so I'll let them slide. As the last statement would lead you to believe, I'm not really a big fan of the series. I find the first film to be quite lacking, and most of the sequels as well. However, I love Part II and Part III. Terrible films, but they are so cheesy and have such wonderfully over the top death scenes I just can't dislike them. We've got death by cornstalk impalement, a hypodermic needle puncture wound massacre, and one son-of-a-bitch of a voodoo-induced nosebleed. There's also a death by "housing", housing of course being a word I just made up for "dropping a house on an elderly woman". And I won't spoil what happens to the elderly woman's sister. Man, this movie really hates old people!

The score by Daniel Licht at times comes off as a low rent version of Jerry Goldsmith's music from The Omen. The rest of it is pretty much what you'd expect from an early 90s low budget horror film. But if you love a bad horror film as much as me then I'd definitely check both the movie and the score out. And, if you're itching for more Daniel Licht, I have Hellraiser: Bloodline as well, in case you missed it before.

1. Main Title (Red Bear's Theme) (02:28)
2. The Waterfall/Micah'd Transformation (03:22)
3. Love in the Corn (02:08)
4. Nosebleed (02:23)
5. On the Porch, At the Table, In the Circle (03:50)
6. Doc Appleby (03:24)
7. A Combine and a House (06:12)
8. Stalking the Newsvan (03:05)
9. Danny and Lacy Kiss (02:33)
10. Hallfire Suite (06:18)
11. Ring Sacrifice/Finale (04:29)
12. Children of the Children (End Credits) (02:55)

Those kids went ape-shit and killed everyone.

Revenge of the Nerds : Panty Raid!

Bored? Up for a panty raid but not ready to face any jail time? Why not head on over to this site and play Revenge of the Nerds: Panty Raid!? Sure it's pointless and kinda dumb, but where else can you be Louis while Booger, Poindexter and the rest of the gang drop coed panties from the sorority house windows for you to catch? See if you can beat my score of 70,350. You should be able to, it's really easy. Remember you get more points for thongs, and watch of for those granny panties, those kill you.

License to Drive

This is from one of the Coreys' finest cinematic collaborations, 1988's License to Drive. Corey Haim is Les, our driver's license owning hopeful and Corey Feldman is Dean, Les' friend and just maybe a little more. In addition to The Coreys, the film also starred known vegatarian Carol Kane and former President of Screen Actors Guild Richard Masur as Les' parents. On a side note, Masur is also proud owner of the bitchin' and now sadly defunct "huge bifocals and mustache" look that so many Dads of the 1980's were so fond of maintaining. Heather Graham appears as drunken floozy Mercedes, the hottest girl in school, and for some reason Les' date. Nina Siemaszko also shows up as Les' sister, and for the record, while not so much of a looker back then, she's actually kinda hot now.

The first shot of the movie is similar to Nightmare on Elm Street 2 with a lone ominous school bus driving slowy, yet again, ominously through the suburbs. Anyone else notice this? Of course this bus and it's driver are outright evil from the get-go unlike the bus/driver from NOES 2 which takes a few moments for it's evil qualities to kick in. The basic story for those of you who haven't witnessed the film, Les fails his driving test, yet on the same day the aforementioned floozy Mercedes calls him up for a date. A total doofus like Les gets a potential crack at someone like Mercedes maybe twice in a lifetime, so obviously he can't miss one of those potential chances. So he borrows his Grandfather's beloved Caddy that his parents are taking care of and sets off on his date. Of course this being a movie and all, complete and utter mayhem ensues as Les faces many hardships, including an expensive attempted towing, driving around a tanked and unconscious date and even having his car stolen by a crazy, evil, drunken old coot. Eh, who am I kidding, everyone has seen this movie and knows the plot, I just really wanted to write "drunken old coot".

There are some well known songs on this soundtrack, including Billy Ocean's Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car, which is a staggering 7:37 long. There's also a DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince track which is a coincidence because the movie also features James Avery as Les' evil (a lot of evil in this movie isn't there?) driving instructor. James, of course, played Philip Banks 2 years later on The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. The official soundtrack was missing some tracks that were featured in the movie. I couldn't find all of the missing tracks but I've included INXS' New Sensation, plus two Sinatra tracks, Strangers in the Night, which played during Les and Mercedes' Cadillac hood dance and That's Life from the drunken old lunatic car switcheroo scene. I tried to get Nia Peeples' Trouble, but it's suprisingly hard to find Nia Peeples songs these days.

Charles, you spasticated idiot.

Devil Doll - The Girl Who Was...Death

This is Devil Doll's 1989 album The Girl Who Was...Death. One of the most unusual and bizarre albums ever recorded. The vocals, by band (and possibly cult) leader Mr. Doctor are very odd, half spoken/half sung, very theatrical sounding, and can be hard to get into if you're not prepared, but you do get used to it. Regardless, the music is absolutely brilliant. The album consists of one track 66:06 in length, although there is a good 20 minutes of silence starting at about the 40 minute mark, so you will want to fast forward after that, music starts back up a little after the hour mark. The sound is a bit hard to describe, so I'll quote a fellow Rateyourmusic user who described them as "Orchestral Classical meets Darkwave and Ambient, with a strong dose of Modern Goth and Metal. However that's hardly a just answer, so just listen." So basically if you like any of those styles of music you should at least give it a shot. There is also a old horror film feel to the whole thing, so it should appeal to some soundtrack fans as well. If you are on the fence about downloading, just search around, plenty of reviews floating around. Like this one at Satan Stole My Teddybear

This is technically their second album, Mr. Doctor wrote and recorded an album prior to this one entitled The Mark of the Beast. He pressed one and only one copy of the album and never repressed it after that. He keeps the only copy at his home in Italy. I think that's the only time I've heard of someone doing that. There were initially only 500 copies of The Girl Who Was...Death pressed. 150 were handed out at a live performance and Mr. Doctor destroyed the other 350. Of course more copies were later pressed, but this is still a pretty hard item to come by.

Track Listing
1. The Girl Who Was... Death 1: – 66:06

Happy Super Bowl Sunday from God!

I know the Super Bowl isn't till tomorrow, but I'll be away from my computer after midnight so here this is now. Anyway I wanted to post this in celebration of the Super Bowl. There is a church about a mile from my house, and they always put up wacky and incredibly corny messages on their little board. Things like "If God is your co-pilot, swap seats!", for example. Anyway, my friend and I found this brilliant little number posted up there last year the week of the Super Bowl.

"Let's Meet At My House Sunday Before The Game - God." I don't know, that seems a tad sacrilegious to me. Seems like making up a false quote from the holy spirit himself, the almighty God regarding some petty event like the Super Bowl would piss off some of the more uptight humorless church goers. (Of course, I'm not saying all churchgoers are uptight and humorless, I'm talking about the small percent of Ned Flanders-like people who actually exist.) Isn't that kinda like skipping school and then forging a sick note from your mom? You know, if I were actually sick, this is what my mom would write on the note. Well, have fun watching the game, those of you that do. I don't really care for either team, but I'm going with The Bears for two reasons. 1) Those Da Bears things with Chris Farley were pretty damn funny and 2) When playing against The Colts in Madden, Peyton Manning takes like 35 seconds to snap the ball on EVERY SINGLE PLAY and it drives me completely insane. I'm just sitting there staring at a bunch of computer guys standing still for the better part of a minute. After 30 plays, that adds up. Snap the damn ball, asshole! Okay, I know that's the most ridiculous reason anyone has ever had to want a team to lose a game, but it's really all I've got.