You Know You're A Monster If...

Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s I was always a big Mad and Cracked magazine fan. Re-reading a lot of issues now I realize that I probably didn't really get a lot of the jokes, but I never hesitated to bug my mom to pick up a new issue any time I saw one at Safeway or Crown Books. As a young horror fan as well, I absolutely lost my mind any time Mad or Cracked had a horror-themed article. Would you call a 3 or 4-page segment of a comic an article? That doesn't sound right, right? 

So, as I'm going through these comics for the first time in years I'll probably post some of the more horror-centric articles here. Articles. That still sounds weird to me.

From issue 257. Featuring art by Gene Colan (co-creator of Blade!), written by George Gladir. Credit to the scanner of this issue.

Walter Werzowa - Hellraiser: Inferno

Hellraiser Inferno. I listed this as my least favorite Hellraiser in the last post, but I honestly don't remember too much about it. I just know I didn't like it when I saw it. Of course, I haven't really seen any of the Hellraiser movies in at least a year and a half (8 years for Inferno) so I probably need to see them all again to get a more up to date opinion on the series.

It may not be obvious from looking at the two, but Kid in the Hall Bruce McCulloch has the ability to look quite similar to Inferno star Craig Sheffer. But shorter. And Canadian-er.

01 - Main Title
02 - Blood Bed
03 - Box Revealed_ Hell Begins part 1
04 - Box Revealed_ Hell Begins part 2
05 - Epilogue
06 - Coming Home
07 - Hallucinate
08 - Erasing Finger Paint part 1
09 - Erasing Finger Paint part 2
10 - Crossing part 1
11 - Crossing part 2
12 - Crossing part 3
13 - Crossing part 4
14 - Finale part 1
15 - Finale part 2
16 - Finale part 3
17 - Finale part 4
18 - Hand Call
19 - Hat Away_ Torture part 1
20 - Hat Away_ Torture part 2
21 - Hospital
22 - Daphine's Call part 1
23 - Daphine's Call part 2
24 - Ice Cream Terry part 1
25 - Ice Cream Terry part 2
26 - Buffet
27 - Jay's House
28 - Joseph Home
29 - Pin Head Talks
30 - Joseph Shoots Himself

Lars Anderson - Hellraiser: Hellworld

Hellraiser: Hellworld, the 8th(!) chapter in the Hellraiser series. A pretty mediocre entry overall, there is one good reason to check this one out and it's not Pinhead's ever so slightly expanding belly (sorry Doug, I kid, I kid). That reason? Underrated Canadian beauty Katheryn Winnick, an actress who I've enjoyed seeing since I caught her in the fairly dreadful (in my opinion) Jeff Lieberman film Satan's Little Helper. Most recently she was in a horror film called Amusement, which while well shot, just wasn't particularly good. The villian's name is The Laugh, I mean really, what the fuck is that?

Aside from being ridiculously attractive she's also got pretty decent acting chops (she was on House - that's a thing, right?), she's a licensed body guard and she can kick your ass Tae Kwon Do style if she were so inclined. She'll be starring in the new Paul Giamatti/Emily Watson film Cold Souls, so maybe that'll get her a little more exposure.

Anyway, back to Lars' music. This looks to be the highest profile film he's worked on, but the music is quite well done. It's effectively moody and eerie, while never veering into cheesy territory. I think it's pretty excellent actually, check it out.

The tracklist:
01. Main Title (2:39)
02. Chelsea In The Attic (1:33)
03. Ghost Love Theme (1:40)
04. The Specimen Room (5:10)
05. Rescuing Chelsea (2:47)
06. Reflections (2:20)
07. Pinhead Goes To Work (1:14)
08. At The Library (1:47)
09. Chased Again (3:00)
10. Surreal (1:14)
11. Jake & Chelsea (3:12)
12. Someone Is Coming (2:48)
13. Puzzlebox Theme (2:00)
14. Spinning Blades (3:03)
15. Cenobites On Her Nice Tail (1:47) - See, they like Katherine too.
16. Someone Is Coming 2 (2:31)
17. Ending (1:27)

Rejected Hellraiser Music by Coil

This is kind of a weird one. Clive Barker and the band Coil were friends and they did a few tracks for Hellraiser. These were later rejected for being “too scary” according to someone, but I don’t think they are any more frightening than what they used in the actual movie. Less so actually.

To prevent any photos of threeway action being posted on my site for “stealing” from another site, like with the H.G. Lewis picture, I will say now that this description is swiped from brainwash.com:

“The first 3 tracks (Side A) are taken from Coil's soundtrack to the Clive Barker film "Hellraiser" which was rejected by the film studio. The remainder of the tracks (side B) are a selection of short peices that were commissioned for use as music for advertisements on British television. They also appear on the anthology release Unnatural History III under the group title of "Music For Commercials”

So it’s really only 3 actual tracks rejected from Hellraiser. The rest is just other stuff, but it’s pretty good nonetheless. I prefer the Christopher Young score, it’s very epic sounding, but the rejected music is still pretty cool to hear.

Hellraiser
Box Theme
Main Title
Airline 1
Liqueur
Perfume
Video Recorder
Airline 2
Natural Gas
Cosmetic 1
Cosmetic 2
Analgesic
Road Surface
Accident Insurance