Dreddy's Dead - The Final Rip-Off - Cracked Mad Monster Party #33

This is Cracked's Monster Party magazine's take on the 6th and final (at the time, at least) Nightmare on Elm Street Film Freddy's Dead. This issue came out in the Fall of 1996 and this story features art by Frank Borth and was written by Steve Strangio, which I assume is an alias.

The highlight of this story for me is seeing a comic version of the great Yaphet Kotto. Also look out for completely random appearances from Edward Scissorhands, Robocop, Jason, a couple of Ninja Turtles and what I believe is the vampire boy from Cracked's Monsters Attack story A Boy's Life.

You Know You're A Monster If...

Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s I was always a big Mad and Cracked magazine fan. Re-reading a lot of issues now I realize that I probably didn't really get a lot of the jokes, but I never hesitated to bug my mom to pick up a new issue any time I saw one at Safeway or Crown Books. As a young horror fan as well, I absolutely lost my mind any time Mad or Cracked had a horror-themed article. Would you call a 3 or 4-page segment of a comic an article? That doesn't sound right, right? 

So, as I'm going through these comics for the first time in years I'll probably post some of the more horror-centric articles here. Articles. That still sounds weird to me.

From issue 257. Featuring art by Gene Colan (co-creator of Blade!), written by George Gladir. Credit to the scanner of this issue.

Halloween Moviethon Day 3: Part II - Satan's Bed

Batas Impian Ranjang Setan aka Satan's Bed - Time to get weird here. This is not the Yoko Ono film released by Something Weird, this is an Indonesian rip-off of Nightmare on Elm Street from 1986 that halfway through gets bored and decides to go Poltergeist on us instead. This is by all counts an undeniably bad movie, but I actually really liked it. There's plenty of dull stretches, especially in the first half, but once it gets going it's pretty rewarding for fans of tacky, absurd crap. There's actually a pretty spooky atmosphere here, good - though probably swiped from better movies - music and cheap, but frequently hilarious special effects. Have you seen ever a third rate Freddy Krueger and a sexy Dutch lady pull their own heads off and throw them at a shaman? I have.

Al Lewis is The Joker as Leatherface in Al Adamson's Texas Chain Saw Massacre

Things to watch for:

• The "Freddy" character here, who is in fact "The Devil", looks like a papier-mâché Leatherface.
• The spooky Tina in a body bag scene shows up here, though in this she's called Nina and she looks more like a cellophane wrapped gift basket than a dead body from a morgue.
• Exploding coffins and levitating skeletons.
• The dolls behind this girl's bed were far creepier than anything here that was intended to be creepy:

Addams Family Season 1 Episode 7: Halloween with the Addams Family - Bank robbers are mistaken as trick or treaters in their 40s and invited into stately Addams Manor to partake in some extra spooky Halloween festivities like "Bobbing For Crabs."

Ghost Whisperer Season 2 Episode 6: A Grave Matter - This episode takes place around Halloween. It's not any more Halloweeny than any other episode of the show, but there are pumpkins and shit. David Paymer plays the ghost of a dickhead writer named Godfrey who is annoyed because his body is in the wrong guy's grave and the wife of the wrong guy won't stop weeping at (not) his grave. Long story short, Godfrey was struck by lightning and killed. Wrong guy swaps wallets with dead Godfrey so his wife can collect his life insurance money. I know it's a show, but we're going by wallets to identify corpses now? He still had a head and fingers - he was burned a bit from the lightning, but he wasn't Sergeant Howie burned.

This is such an unbelievably sappy show, but I've always had a thing for Jennifer Love Hewitt, so this show is watchable enough for me once in a while. I find it funny that she's often dressed to show off pretty substantial amounts of cleavage while she's relaying sad messages from these dead people to their mourning loved ones. This is what she wore to a funeral in one episode:

Though, to be fair, this is what the corpse was wearing:

A Remake On Elm Street

We have a trailer. Looks pretty decent, some of the shots of Freddy in the shadows are very striking, but I'm not too sure about the one actual face shot we get at the end. He looks almost...cute? Like a burnt muppet or something. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he looks like a cute loveable character I've seen before.

A Nightmare On Elm Street - Wildstorm

This is Wildstorm's 8-issue Nightmare on Elm Street series. I posted the 3-issue Paranoid miniseries on the site before, you can find those here.

8 Issues, 87 MB. Credit to the original scanners/uploaders.
Burgers - of the Gods!

Tuesday Knight - Tuesday Knight

Jason over at NightChillers has just posted Elm Street 4 star Tuesday Knight's 1987 self-titled solo album. It's pretty obscure (I've searched for it for years) and I'm sure some of you will want to check out so I'm mentioning it here so none of you miss it. He ripped it from a cassette copy, but the tape was brand new when he ripped it, so the sound quality is very good.

Of course, don't download it expecting some lost classic, it's just a pretty decent late 80's pop/rock album. I will say that I think track #3, The Harder You Love is a fantastic song though. He even included her song Nightmare, which plays over the Nightmare 4 opening credits, a song that does not appear on her album. Check it out here, and be sure to thank Jason for his hard work. And if you're still hankering for some Dream Master sounds after listening to Nightmare, I have the soundtrack and score right here.

While I'm here, I'd just like to say that I hate when an artist or band releases a self-titled album. Sure that has no effect on the album, and I'll certainly still buy an album I like if it shares a name with the band that created it. I'm just saying it seems like a cop out because no one in the band could think of anything cool to call the album. Who's with me?

A Nightmare On Elm Street: Paranoid

By request here are some more of the Avatar Press horror comics, this is the 3-issue Nightmare on Elm Street: Paranoid series. If you ever wanted to hear Freddy call some guy "Dawg" or see some girl bite his nose off (not unlike the Saigon whore did to Chris Farley in Dirty Work), look no further. Unlike the Friday the 13th Bloodbath series this one is lacking in the random nudity department, but it still features several crowd-pleasing ridiculously gory death scenes.

The story for this series was actually done by Brian Pulido (who also did the Friday set from yesterday, and the Texas Chainsaw set I'll be putting up later on) and it features artwork by Juan Jose Ryp. Hope you guys enjoy them, and as always credit goes out to the original scanner.

DOWNLOAD

Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

This is the soundtrack from Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child. I thought I had posted the score earlier, but I couldn't find it in the archive, so I guess I haven't. This installment of the series was directed by Stephen Hopkins the man who showed us the real story behind the Jamaican Voodoo Posse in Predator 2. The film starts off with one of those confusing arty sex scenes. You know, one of those sex scenes that makes you wonder "Wait, am I looking at a man's shoulder or a woman's ass?" The Dream Child really delves into the whole very grim "Son of a hundred maniacs" idea that was touched upon a few times before. Say what you will about these films, a nun being looked in an insane asylum for days while a hundred deranged bastards have their way with her is really dark and disturbing. Of course the terrifying aspect of this idea is killed by the occasionally wacky and campy tone of the film it's featured in.

I had a huge crush on Lisa Wilcox who plays Alice when I was younger. I think it was the diner waitress uniform. Did it for me when I was like 8, I guess. She actually owns a company with Tuesday Knight from part 4 called Toe Brights. I'm sure I mentioned this previously, but I'm mentioning it again just in case you missed it before. Anyway, despite featuring some great effects set pieces I think this is one of the lesser entries. It all looked great, I think one of the better shot of all the movies, but it just didn't really come together in the end. Although the comic book guy scene kinda answers the question "What if A-ha's Take On Me video took place in a slasher film."? Freddy goes about his usual routine of killing most, if not all of the main character's friends. Pretty standard really, but by the end the damn thing turns into Labyrinth with the kid running up upsidedown stairs while being chased by the bad guy. Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on who you ask, David Bowie doesn't show up with a ridiculous wig singing any tunes.

On to the soundtrack. There are some pretty cool songs on here, most notably the Iron Maiden and WASP tracks. The Samantha Fox track starts off sounding kinda like Bruce McCulloch's "Spread For No Roses" video from The Kids in the Hall. And Kool Moe Dee sounds an awful lot like Sir Mix-a-Lot in his contribution. Wait, is Kool Moe Dee Sir Mix-a-lot? Is one the alter ego of the other? There are 4 rap tracks on this soundtrack and I remember now why I've avoided that entire genre for the past several years. I mean sure this is late 80s rap which is different from current rap, but I just can't get into it either way.

1. Bring your daughter to the slaughter (04:57)
Bruce Dickinson
2. Heaven in the backseat (03:55)
Romeo's daughter
3. Savage (03:31)
W.a.s.p.
4. Can't take the hurt (04:20)
Mammoth
5. What do you know about rock 'n'roll (03:32)
Slave raider
6. Any way I gotta swing it (04:30)
Whodini
7. Now I lay me down (05:00)
Samantha Fox
8. Lets go (05:21)
Kool moe dee
9. Word up doc (03:21)
Doctor ice
10. Livin' in the jungle (03:35)
Schoolly D

Better not dream and drive.

Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them.

Here's another of the Nightmare soundtracks. My personal favorite, Angelo Badalamenti's score to Chuck Russel's Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors. Starring Patricia Arquette and Larry Fishburne among a bunch of other people, including one guy who looks like Bill Maher. Oh, and of course, John Saxon. In this one Freddy morphs into a huge snake, a year later a similar scene takes place in Beetlejuice. Coincidence? Probably. Freddy also morphs into a TV, a bathroom sink, a puppet and a hot topless nurse, so needless to say the man likes to mix things up a bit.

1. Opening (01:50)
2. Puppet Walk (03:18)
3. Save The Children (01:25)
4. Taryn's Deepest Fear (03:05)
5. Deceptive Romance (01:45)
6. Snake Attack (01:56)
7. Magic Butterfly (01:20)
Last track of side 1 of LP
8. The Embrace (00:42)
9. Quiet Room / Wheelchair / Icy Bones (02:41)
10. Rumbling Room (01:15)
11. Dreamspace (00:46)
12. The Dream House (01:50)
13. Is Freddy Gone? / Trouble Starting / Prime Time TV / Icy Window (04:32)
14. Grave Walk (01:11)
15. Nursery Theme (01:55)
16. Lights Out (01:00)

Now I'm playing with power!

This came out back when The Goo Goo Dolls were on Metal Blade records. Always kinda confused me. Yep, Cannibal Corpse, Mercyful Fate, uh, The Goo Goo Dolls. Anyway, I think this is up there with Part 2 as the most disliked of the Nightmare films. I personally like it. It's a bad movie, sure, but it's so bizarre I find it hard not to like. It had some very cool stuff randomly throughout the movie if you toughed it out and paid attention. Like the audio going out when the guy gets his hearing aide ripped off, the Johnny Depp drug commercial, Alice Cooper as Freddy's father, and of course, the highpoint, Breckin Meyer dying. Those elements are a recipe for sucess in my book. Hell, if Garfield had Breckin involved in an unfortunate chainsaw related accident or if he fell victim to a zombie attack I might've even bought a copy. But I digress...

1. I'm Awake Now - Goo Goo Dolls
2. Everything Remains The Same - Junk Monkeys
3. You Know What I Mean - Goo Goo Dolls
4. Remember The Night - Johnny Law
5. Treat 'Em Right - Chubb Rock
6. Why Was I Born? (Freddy's Dead) - Iggy Pop
7. Hold Me Down - Johnny Law
8. Two Days In February - Goo Goo Dolls
9. Give Me A Beat - Young Lords
10. Nothing Left To Say - Fates Warning

Freddy's Greatest Hits

Okay, this is godawful, but my complete amazement that such a thing exists compelled me to share it. This is Freddy's Greatest Hits by the Elm Street Group. The Elm Street Group is apparently just some random girl singer singing over super cheesy music while Freddy occasionally says something in the background. Freddy's kinda there for moral support I guess, he just sorta pops up to yell out random things during the songs. Thing's like "I'm Freddy and this is for you!", or "Awww, did you miss Freddy?" He also laughs alot, like he's auditioning for that part in the song Master of Puppets or something. The music is so cheesy I kept waiting for Freddy to get all excited and yell out "Say it, sister!" or something equally ridiculously stupid.

This is one of the most baffling things I've ever come across. Who in the hell was this intended for? Freddy fans wouldn't have listened to music like this, and people who did listen to music like this wouldn't have wanted Freddy talking over parts of it. Check out the Wooly Bully cover, worst thing ever. Freddy starts yelling "Yeah! Now, watch it! Watch it!" at the end, I nearly died. As bad as this thing is I actually like "Obsession" and "Don't Sleep" a little bit.

01. Do the Freddy
02. Obsession
03. Wooly Bully
04. Don't Sleep
05. In the Midnight Hour
06. Dance or Else
07. All I Have to Do is Dream
08. Down in the Boiler Room

09. Elm Street Dreams

Stop! Hammer Time!

You shouldn't have buried me. I'm not dead.

I've got 2 from the same movie today. Both Craig Safan's score and the soundtrack for Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. For some reason the soundtrack does not have several songs that appear in the movie, not even Tuesday Knight's theme song "Nightmare", but does feature several songs I don't remember hearing. But I've included the ones that aren't on the soundtrack as well. The missing tracks were Anything, Anything by Dramarama, Nightmare by Tuesday Knight, I Want Your Hands On Me by Sinead O' Connor, Are You Ready For Freddy? by the Fat Boys, Fatal Charm by Billy Idol and In the Flesh by Blondie.

By this installment in the Nightmare series Freddy was in absolute full-on zinger mode. I mean sure he was pretty bad about it in Dream Warriors, but he's on an almost Crytpkeeperian level with the bad puns in this one. This one has always confused me because it has a scene with Freddy being resurrected after a Border Collie pisses on his bones. Flaming piss no less. Okay. I know it's a dream and all, but what the hell? I still like this one despite it's lack of John Saxon. My theory is that John Saxon is what makes an Elm Street movie good. Not Freddy. I've noticed part 1, 3 and 7 are generally considered the best. You know why. John Saxon, that's why. Also, next time you watch The Dream Master look out for Linnea Quigley as one of the souls who escape Freddy's torso at the end of the movie.

If anyone happens to have Tuesday Knight's album I'd love to hear it. I really like her voice, so I've wanted to hear her actual album for some time now. But it's virtually impossible to find. I'm this close to emailing that ToeBrights company her and Lisa Wilcox own and asking if they know where to obtain a copy. I wonder if Tuesday herself even has a copy.

SCORE Tracks:01. Kristen's Haunted Dream02. Freddy's Back03. Kincaid Killed In Junkyard04. Joey's Wet Dream05. Drugged To Death06. Alice Lured Into Dream07. Rick's Kung Fu Death08. Freddy's Pizza Restaurant09. Debbie Checks In / Time Circles10. Sheila Sucks Face11. Theatre Madness12. Freddy's Calliope13. Alice Battles Freddy14. Corpus Krueger
SOUNDTRACK Tracks:01. Sea Hags - Under The Night Stars02. Angels From Angel City - Standing Over You03. Go West - Don't Be Afraid Of Your Dreams04. Divinyls - Back To The Wall05. Jimmy Davis/Junction - My Way Or The Highway06. Vinnie Vincent - Love kills07. Vigil - Therapist08. Blondie - Rip Her To Shreds09. Love/Hate - Angel10. Craig Safan - ResurrectionBONUS SOUNDTRACK Tracks:Billy Idol - Fatal CharmBlondie - In the FleshDramarama - Anything, AnythingThe Fat Boys - Are You Ready For Freddy?Sinead O' Connor - I Want Your Hands on MeTuesday Knight - Nightmare