Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos - The Animated Series!

I've seen Karate Kommandos, now you will hear about it. All 5 episodes that aired back in 1986.

The set-up is pretty much like any standard 80s Action-Toon with a message; G.I. Joe, Mister T, Magnum P.I., etc. Chuck and his Karate Kommandos must fight off countless evil henchmen sent by the even eviler Klaw (no, not this guy) - leader of some sort of notorious evildoing organization. Klaw and his Kronies use everything from parachuting ninjas to the walking dead to stop the CNKK, but as you'd imagine Chuck and the gang are an unstoppable force of asswhoopery.

In addition to Norris (pronounced "NOORRRRIISSS!!", apparently - you'll see), The Karate Kommando troupe includes:

• Pepper (no, not her) , a technology expert and mechanic - She's the hot one
• Reed, Chuck's young apprentice and Pepper's brother - He's totally unremarkable
• Kimo, a samurai - He farts in evil's general direction
• Tabe, a sumo champion - He's the fat one.
• Too Much - Chuck's young ward. He's an idiot.

In addition to roughly 20 minutes of white-knuckle animated action, each episode contains a live-action intro by Chuck (seemingly on the set of the Total Gym infomercial) where he sets up the episode. Sometimes shirtless. Then at the end of the episodes Charles gives us a morality briefing. Sometimes shirtless. Sort of like a non-undead (or "living"), occasionally shirtless Cryptkeeper.

Things to Watch For: (sure this is a ripoff of Joe Bob's thing, but it's fun to do, so I'll probably do this more often with stuff I post)

• Sealab 1986
• NORRRISSS!!
• Manned Torpedoes
• Headlock At 17,000 Feet
• The Laser Robot
• Voodoo Induced Owie
• Mmmm...Barbecue Chuck Norris
• Trains That Lose And Gain Cars At Will
• Parachute Ninjas Of Perpetual Doom
• Tough Actin' Tanaka
• Thelma and Louise-ing It
• Jet Propelled Hang Gliders

Go Kommando

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos - It's Not A Comic, It's A Graphic Novel

I found this the other day and felt it was ridiculous enough to share. This is Star Comics' (an imprint of Marvel) short-lived series based on the short-lived cartoon Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. The 4 issues that complete the series credit Jo Duffy and Steve Ditko with the writing and art (respectively) but come on, we all know Chuck made these damn things himself. Every page some sort self-congratulatory "Man, Chuck Norris is one bad dude!" "Yeah, and what an ass!" dialog. And look at the size of his name compared to the Karate Kommandos in the title. He clearly doesn't fully respect his associates in this little Karate Force he has assembled.

Things to watch for:

• Self-congratulatory "Man, Chuck Norris is one bad dude!" "Yeah, and what an ass!" dialog
• The rarely used contraction "Chuck'll"
• Ninja One calling Master Ninja
• A classroom full of boys with man crushes on Chuck Norris
• A "SUPER NINJA" who doesn't know what Nunchucks are
• Awkwardly drawn cats
• Sumo Wrestler in wetsuit
• Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus Vengeance,
• Adolescent homosexual crushes based on a shared spelling expertise.

FWAP!

 

For more Chuck fun, check out the Flash game Chuck Norris Attack of the Massacre Ninjas