Friday, March 23, 2018

Ridiculous Screenshot of the Day - Porno Object

Taken from a fairly unknown 1991 Hong Kong horror film called Vampire Kids (Jiang shi fu xing zi), which stars Sandra Ng and Amy Yip's boobs. Yip fans, don't get excited and seek this one out, she keeps them covered up the whole time, but they are certainly one of the main focal points of a lot of the jokes.

This "Porno Object" card pops up onscreen to censor the penis, or collective penises (I can't remember) that were urinating on Sandra Ng. I was definitely scraping the bottom of the barrel when I chose to watch this one, but there are a few cheap laughs to be had; Amy Yip leaving boob imprints when she falls in the sand, Sandra yelling "turd ghost" for no reason, and a guy spinning around while Jiangshi children are simultaneously biting his crotch and his ass made me laugh way harder than I'd like to admit.

Cancel your plans because you can check this one out here right now if you have a high tolerance for bad HK comedy and poor picture quality.

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Errorvision - Highlighting The Goofs in Return of the Living Dead

Recently I somehow ended up on the Goofs page on the IMDB entry for Return of the Living Dead. It's a favorite that I've owned since I was around 7 or 8 years old, so I've seen this movie realistically probably around 30 times, but I was amazed by how many of these goofs I had never caught before. I had spotted a couple over the years, but there are like 25 things on that list. So, I thought it would be an interesting experiment to watch the movie for the 31st time while completely ignoring the important things like story, characters, and dialogue and just focus on the background trying to spot as many mistakes as I could.

Sure, you can just go on the IMDb and look at the list of the mistakes, but I thought it would be fun to go through and actually provide some visual evidence using the high-tech tools at my disposal; VLC Media Player and Microsoft Paint. I actually enjoyed grabbing these screenshots writing this post, so look for more of these sometime soon. Feel free to comment if you know of any other movies with an epic amount of mistakes that I could feature in the future.

Onto the goofs.

Like this scene in the embalming room with Ernie and Spider are discussing an escape plan—wait...who in the fuck is the guy ducking under the table?

Speaking of people who aren't in the movie appearing in the movie, where did this guy come from? 

This happens very quickly, which is why this screenshot looks so blurry, but in motion you can tell it's someone from the crew and not Don Calfa, Beverly Randolph or a bearded zombie. He slides that window open and closes it two times immediately after Clu Gulager gets out of the door. Who is this guy and why did he think peeking out of a window during filming was a good idea? That guy, if you're out there, can you explain what happened?

How about this scene where Frank and Freddy hold down a reanimated corpse with their 5 hands. I thought maybe one of these hands might've belonged to the yellow dude, but the way the hands are positioned (and the fact that none of them are yellow) it seems unlikely:

Then there's this shot of the Tarman just before eating Suicide's brains. (I don't think you'd call it "brains" when you're referring to a single person's brain, but who am I to correct a zombie's grammar?) It's a little-known fact that zombies are actually born with an extra set of teeth:

After Spider and Burt break through the cemetery gates and run into the undead roadblock Miguel Núñez, Jr., who is sitting in the passenger seat, turns from a black guy into two white guys with a camera and sound equipment:

There are several more mistakes to be found, but these were the most visually interesting. Most of them are more minor things like Clu Gulager's character name appearing onscreen as both Bert and Burt, strings attached to puppets, decades-old zombies with perfectly intact eyeballs, or things that you'd need to see in motion like when the cardboard falls on Scuz's corpse, then disappears in the next shot.

Ridiculous Screenshot of the Day - There's No "U" in Mortuary. No, Wait, There's Only One "U" in Mortuary

From the 1996 Hong Kong horror/comedy anthology Till Death Do Us Laugh (Guai tan xie hui).

I know I've seen this movie before, but while skimming through to make sure I had the title right for this screenshot I couldn't remember a single thing about it. Does this happen to anyone else, or is my brain just in worse shape than I thought? For the last decade, I've kept track of every movie I've watched on IMDB and now Letterboxd because I watch so many movies I can't keep up with what I've seen.

Last year while on vacation I watched Bert I. Gordon's The Cyclops, and William Girdler's The Manitou and thought these were first-time viewings only to realize afterwards while looking at my film tracking lists that I'd already seen them both a couple of years earlier. I can understand not remembering The Cyclops because the monster is pretty similar to the one Bert used in War of the Colossal Beast and I could've gotten the two mixed up. But how did I not remember The Manitou? It features a scene where a demonic Native American midget is birthed out of a woman's back, followed by a bunch of hilarious naked whacked out cosmic space shit. That's pretty memorable. Maybe I need to tone down the craziness of the stuff I'm watching if I can forget something like that.

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

The Horror of Seinfeld: Seinfeld Actor Horror Film Appearances - Part 1

As you can guess from this site, I'm a big Horror fan. I like Horror from all eras and subgenres, '30s Pre-Code Boris Karloff thrillers, '40s Werewolves, '50s vampires, '70s Satanic cults, '80s slashers, whatever you've got, really. In addition to horror, I also watch a great deal of Seinfeld. I've seen every episode at least four times, and I've probably seen most of the episodes even more than that. I actually subscribe to Hulu specifically for Seinfeld so that I don't have to mess with the DVDs. If I can't find something to watch, or if I want to watch a show while I eat, Seinfeld always works. I've probably cycled through the series 7 times in the past few years. I start with the first episode and end with the Puerto Rican Day episode, which is the last episode before the clip show and the divisive finale (some people thought it sucked, others thought it really sucked).

What's fun about watching the show as a horror fan is there are a ton of people who appear on this show who have also had great parts in classic horror films like The Burning or not so classic horror films like Ghoulies III or Creepshow 2. So I thought it would be fun to go through and do a little list of some of my favorite Seinfeld actor horror sightings. There are so many I am probably going to have to split this into two parts, even then I'll still be missing like 50 people. 

First up, the more prominent characters, characters who have been in more than a few episodes.

Jerry Seinfeld - Played by Jerry Seinfeld. Of the main 4 cast members, Jerry was the only one to not appear in a horror film in his career. I'm including him because I saw the Stand-Up confidential tape he made with Joel Hodgson in 1987, and I've gotta say, I actually found the skit portions to be a bit on the creepy side. Kind of "You Can't Do That on Television meets that weird ass Grandma scene from Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey", that's close, but that doesn't quite work. I can't describe it, see for yourself by skimming through this video:

Now, if you're still alive after witnessing that insanity, read on for the cast members with actual horror film related credits.

George Lewis Constanza - Played by Jason Alexander. George was a short, stalky, slow-witted bald man who founded The Human Fund. Jason made his cinematic acting debut (with hair) as Dave in slasher favorite The Burning (review) in 1981. Bonus points: If, for some reason, you want to see Costanza's ass, look no further than The Burning. Jason would also later go on to appear as Geary in Jacob's Ladder in 1990.

Elaine Benes - Played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Elaine was Jerry's former girlfriend turned regular friend and one-time recipient of a $182 dollar cash birthday gift. Julia appeared with Sonny Bono in the 1986 horror fantasy Troll. Fun fact: The father and son played by Michael Moriarty and Noah Hathaway are both named Harry Potter. I'm sure this has been mentioned in every movie review of Troll since Harry Potter came out, but I think Troll director John Carl Beuchler should try and sue to get a little bit of that Harry Potter money. I've never read a single page of one the books, but I hear that JK lady is pretty loaded. She probably has money enough to literally fund a few hundred thousand JC Buechler films.

Cosmo Kramer - Played by Michael Richards. Jerry's wacky high-haired hipster doofus neighbor appeared as a wacky high-haired and possibly mentally challenged butler named Fejos in the 1985 Jeff Goldblum horror/comedy Transylvania 6-5000. Note: I have heard from a very reputable source that this guy is bonkos!

Frank Costanza - Played by Jerry Stiller. Frank is George's perpetually angry father and disgraced former Army cook. Jerry has very little horror film acting experience, but he did appear in two horror tv episodes. He was a maniacal radio DJ in a 1985 Tales from the Darkside episode titled The Devil's Advocate, and a werewolf in a Monsters episode from 1990 titled One Wolf's Family. He also appeared briefly, with son Ben, in the oddball horror-road-action-comedy Highway to Hell starring Chad Lowe.

Uncle Leo - Played by Len Lesser. Uncle Leo was Jerry's weird uncle who was once slightly immolated in an oven cleaner explosion. Len was quite a prolific character actor, appearing in 175 films and TV series before his death in 2011. He played the kinda creepy/possibly rapey Tom Kredge in 1971's proto-slasher Blood and Lace, which I highly recommend. He also appeared in the 1977 film Ruby, 1989's Grandmother's House, and the unsurprisingly terrible Sorority Girls and the Creature from Hell.

Mr. Justin Pitt - Played by Ian Abercrombie. Mr. Pitt was Elaine's ink pen hating boss and one-time Woody Woodpecker float handler. I'm sure that everyone knows him as the Wiseman in Army of Darkness, but he has several other horror appearances on his resume. I think he's actually been in more horror films than Seinfeld episodes. In addition to Evil Dead 3, you can also see Ian in Blood Beach, Warlock, Puppet Master III: Toulon's Revenge, and the  Schwarzenegger Tales From The Crypt episode "The Switch". Bonus Seinfeld Nerd Points: Since he's a Nazi in Puppet Master III, while taking this screenshot I was able to catch him in the middle of a Heil Five.

That's all for now, but be on the lookout for The Horror of Seinfeld Part II: The End of the Trilogy, where I'll focus on some of the lesser characters like Mr. Morgan and Conrad, the contractor.

Monday, March 19, 2018

Hitting Shelves - Tuesday, March 20th

You may have noticed some Amazon links showing up here lately. They recently started allowing North Carolina residents to participate in the affiliate program for the first time since I've lived here, so I signed up in hopes to make a tiny bit of money while here. I'm not going to be obnoxious about it and overload the site with ads and I won't I mention it constantly. But if you see something on this list you'd like to buy anyway and want to help me out a bit feel free to click on it.

Moving on, there are a ton of great releases this week; Black Scorpion, The 'Burbs, Michele Soavi's The Church, Robert Altman's excellent Images. I can't keep up, I'm going to need a third job if these boutique labels keep up this pace.

They’re big. They’re bad. They scuttle along in caverns miles beneath the Earth – until an earthquake opens paths to the surface. Now, these monsters of genus Arachnida are invading our world with deadly force! With top special effects co-designed by King Kong’s Willis O’Brien, The Black Scorpion is horror with a sting more lethal than the king-sized ants that overran Los Angeles’ sewers in the classic Them! Can humankind survive these invincible juggernauts? That fate rests on the shoulders of Hank Scott (1950s monster-movie stalwart Richard Denning) as the creatures rip a train from its track, snatch a helicopter from the sky and, in the film’s most gripping sequence, battle each other in their subterranean lair. Watch out!

Buy it on Amazon
Buy it on Diabolik

Tom Hanks stars in The 'Burbs, a comedy about a suburbanite whose plans for a peaceful vacation at home are disturbed by a creepy new family on the block. Much to the disappointment of his wife (Carrie Fisher), Ray Peterson (Hanks) and his three neighbors set out to investigate the next-door residence after they begin to observe strange happenings. Set in an average neighborhood that is anything but ordinary, The 'Burbs blends slapstick comedy and spine-thrilling mystery and is superbly directed by cult filmmaker Joe Dante (Piranha, Gremlins, Matinee, The Howling).

Special Features and Technical Specs:
  • BRAND NEW 2017 2K REMASTER struck from an interpositive
  • NEW Interviews With Director Joe Dante, Editor Marshall Harvey, And Director Of Photography (Additional Scenes) John Hora
  • Audio Commentary With Writer Dana Olsen, Moderated By Author Callum Waddell
  • There Goes The Neighborhood: The Making Of The 'Burbs – Includes Interviews With Director Joe Dante, Actors Corey Feldman, Courtney Gaines, And Wendy Schaal, Director Of Photography Robert M. Stevens, And Production Designer James H. Spencer
  • Alternate Ending
  • Original Workprint From Joe Dante's Archive (Includes Deleted And Extended Scenes)
  • Behind-The-Scenes Still Gallery
  • Stills And Posters Gallery
  • Theatrical Trailer
  • Optional English SDH subtitles

Buy it on Amazon
Buy it directly from Shout

In the middle of a modern city, an ancient evil is about to awaken! An elaborate cathedral that was once the site of a medieval massacre by crusading knights becomes a deadly trap for a group of visitors and staff when a sealed crypt is accidentally reopened. The laws of reality soon collapse as a nightmare takes hold and claims the lives of those within one by one, threatening to unleash a supernatural pestilence upon the world! Legendary horror maestro Dario Argento (Suspiria, Opera, Deep Red) presents this stylish shocker from director Michele Soavi (The Sect, Dellamorte Dellamore, Stagefright), featuring an avalanche of nightmarish visual effects and a powerful score by Goblin and Keith Emerson. Don't miss this baroque descent into the occult starring Tomas Arana (Gladiator, The Bodyguard, The Sect), Barbara Cupisti (Stagefright, New York Ripper), and Asia Argento (xXx, Land of the Dead), now in eye-popping, glorious HD!

Buy it on Amazon

If you're interested in the deluxe edition (which should be around $30-$35 and includes a lot of exclusive features) it will be available on Ronin Flix soon. The link says Sold Out, but that's just what Ronin puts on there until they've received stock. If you're not familiar with Ronin Flix, they sell a lot of Code Red and Scorpion titles. They've got the fastest shipping around - I've gotten packages from them less than 48 hours after placing an order. Don't hesitate to order from these guys.

The early seventies were a period of remarkable activity for Robert Altman, producing masterpiece after masterpiece. At the time he came to make Images, MASH and McCabe & Mrs. Miller were behind him, with The Long Goodbye, California Split and Nashville still to come.
Originally conceived in the mid-sixties, Images concerns a pregnant children s author (Susannah York, who won the Best Actress award at the Cannes Film Festival) whose husband (Rene Auberjonois) may or may not be having an affair. While on vacation in Ireland, her mental state becomes increasingly unstable resulting in paranoia, hallucinations and visions of a doppelgänger.
Scored by an Oscar-nominated John Williams, with sounds by Stomu Yamash'ta (The Man Who Fell to Earth), Images also boasts the remarkable cinematography of Vilmos Zsigmond (Close Encounters of the Third Kind).

  • Brand-new 4K restoration from the original negative, produced by Arrow Films exclusively
  • High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
  • Original English mono audio (uncompressed LPCM) soundtracks
  • Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard-of-hearing
  • Audio commentary by Samm Deighan and Kat Ellinger
  • Scene-select commentary by writer-director Robert Altman
  • Interview with Robert Altman
  • Brand new interview with actor Cathryn Harrison
  • An appreciation by musician and author Stephen Thrower
  • Theatrical trailer
  • Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by the Twins of Evil
  • FIRST PRESSING ONLY: Illustrated collector s booklet featuring new writing on the film by Carmen Gray and an extract from Altman on Altman

  • Buy it on Amazon
    Buy it on Diabolik

    In a brand new Jumanji adventure, four high school kids discover an old video game console and are drawn into the game's jungle setting, literally becoming the adult avatars they chose. What they discover is that you don't just play Jumanji - you must survive it. To beat the game and return to the real world, they'll have to go on the most dangerous adventure of their lives, discover what Alan Parrish left 20 years ago, and change the way they think about themselves - or they'll be stuck in the game forever.

    Buy it on Amazon
    4K on Amazon

    When three tourists stop at a roadside diner in Canyonland, they become the unwitting victims of a lethal scientific experiment. A deranged powerbroker and his high-tech army have sealed off the town and contaminated the water supply with a deadly toxin which turns calm, normal people into raving lunatics. Joining forces with the local sheriff and his daughter, this small band of holdouts wage an explosive life-or-death battle for survival.

    Directed by Nico Mastorakis (The Zero Boys) , this thriller includes a B-Movie all-star cast featuring Wings Hauser (Vice Squad), Bo Hopkins (Mutant), George Kennedy (Airport), Brion James (Blade Runner) and Kimberly Beck (Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter).

    Special Features and Technical Specs:
    • BRAND NEW REMASTER struck from an interpositive
    • Vintage featurette: The Making of Nightmare at Noon
    • Original theatrical trailer
    • Still Gallery
    • Optional English subtitles for the main feature
    Buy it on Amazon
    Buy it on Diabolik

    John Rudley (G. Michael Smith) is angry. When he was young, the local kids pushed him to the brink. Ten years in a sanitarium is a long time. Now he's free... free to release those savage frustrations... free to avenge himself against those responsible for his injuries... and in case anyone thought her was long gone... he can't wait to have them all wrapped up.

    Buy Code Red's 4K scan Blu-ray on Amazon
    88-Films also just put this out, theirs is only a 2K scan, but it does have a Hysteria Lives commentary track. Buy it if you want to spite Code Red's Bill Olsen and possibly have him refer to you as a tadpole nutsack on the utterly insane thread. Sad to say. Check out that thread here if you want to spend an evening having your mind altered.

    Ralph (Dean Cameron, Summer School) is just your typical, average vampire with love in his heart, music in his veins — and a curse on his head. Every 22 years, poor Ralph is doomed to lose his soulmate, Mona, at the hands of a rhinestone-peg-legged pirate brandishing a large hambone (just go with us on this). But this time around, with the help of his newly-formed band Rockula, Ralph is determined to crush the curse once and for all — and show Mona that when you're a vampire, true love is eternal … and rock 'n' roll never dies!

    Directed by Luca Bercovici (Ghoulies) and featuring an eclectic cast of co-stars, including cult favorite Susan Tyrrell (Forbidden Zone) and recording stars Thomas Dolby, Toni Basil, and Bo Diddley, Rockula is an absolutely batty, bloody bizarre comedy!

    Special Features and Technical Specs:

    • NEW Audio Commentary With Director Luca Bercovici, Actress Tawny Fere, And Composer Hilary Bercovici
    • NEW Interview With Director Luca Bercovici
    • NEW Interview With Actor Dean Cameron
    • Theatrical Trailer
    Buy it on Amazon
    Buy it direct from Shout

    Saturday, March 17, 2018

    Leprechaun Returns - Coming March 2019 to SyFy

    If you didn't think 7 Leprechaun movies was enough, you're in luck. Astron-6 member and Void director Steven Kostanski has directed a new installment in the series that is a direct sequel to the original 1993 film. There's no Warwick Davis in this one, but they have brought classic 80s fat guy character actor Mark Holton out of retirement to reprise his role as Ozzie. So that's something.

    Don't be too excited to see it quite yet, it doesn't air until next March - presumably on the 17th.

    “The film picks up 25 years after the events of the 1993 original, which found a maniacal Leprechaun doing whatever it takes (including committing gruesome murder) to track down his stolen pot of gold. Leprechaun Returns finds the leprechaun revived in the modern day when a group of sorority girls unwittingly awaken him while tearing down a cabin to build a new sorority house.” 

    Friday, March 16, 2018

    Slaughter Hotel - Too Much Hotel, Not Enough Slaughter

    I was buying a couple of titles from 88 Films recently and I saw that their website has free shipping over £30 in addition to their Skulls rewards program, so I threw one more title in my order; Slaughter Hotel, or Cold  Blooded Beast as it's called on their release.

    When the package arrived (like every UK package I've gotten - opened) I was surprised to see that it still came with a slipcover despite it being released last July. I was curious as to why they hadn't sold out of the slipcover yet. And then I watched it. Oh, it kinda sucks. That's why.

    I'm not sure why it was given the title Slaughter Hotel when it was released here since this takes place in a wellness clinic and not a hotel. But I guess that has a better ring to it than Lesbian Mental Hospital That For Some Reason Has A Small Museum Of Antique Murder Weapons. I know before dropping my mentally unwell wife off at a mental institution I'm always sure to verify that they have an iron maiden on-site.

    This movie certainly goes into full slaughter mode in the last 10 minutes with a man Richard Speck-ing a room full of nurses with a mace, but sweet fancy Moses are the first 85-minutes dull. Most of the movie is just made up of softcore sex scenes, brotherfucker Rosalba Neri masturbating (with extreme labia closeups) and seducing a guido gardener, an unbelievably awkward neverending dance scene, and Klaus Kinski looking like a horse. There are murder scenes sprinkled in between the erotic stuff, but none of them are particularly interesting or well staged.

    The problem for me is that while the women in this movie are all very beautiful, I've never found sex scenes interesting whatsoever. I understand if you're watching porn specifically to take care of business, but I don't quite understand the appeal of erotic cinema outside of that purpose. I have no problem with the nudity, I just find panning up and down naked bodies while they writhe around to be very uninteresting. I guess I'm in the minority here because I know Vinegar Syndrome's porn and Synapse's Nikkatsu Roman Pornos with titles like Rape Teacher: Beaver Diver always sell well.

    This is a good looking movie with some nice cinematography, good atmosphere (that is basically wasted), and a beautiful location filled with beautiful women, but unfortunately, I found this one very dull for the most part, and by the time it does pick up, it's over. It's the rare Italian movie I've listed for sale immediately after viewing it. I will say that the music here by Silvano Spadaccino is actually great; the theme played during the croquet game is one of my favorites. I whistled that for days after watching this. In fact, I'm doing it now. It's a shame such lovely music is wasted on a dud like this. My opinion, skip the movie, buy the soundtrack. 

    If you want to check this one out, the 88 Films release is region free (slipcover has sold out officially now, maybe I got the last one). If you don't want to import that version, the Raro version is available on Amazon. The 88 has better picture quality, but the Raro does have some great features of its own.

    Dawn of the Dead Wax Packs From Fright-Rags

    "After many months in the works, we are proud to announce the next installment in our House of Fright Trading Card series - George A. Romero’s DAWN OF THE DEAD! We are celebrating the classic film’s 40th anniversary with a brand new trading card set, designed by and available only at FRIGHT-RAGS. Pre-orders begin Wednesday, March 21; shipping late April.

    Check out the details below, and stay tuned for more trading card series coming this year including House of 1,000 Corpses (MAY), Chucky (SUMMER), Sleepaway Camp 2/3 (SUMMER), and more!

    DAWN OF THE DEAD TRADING CARDS FULL SET INCLUDES: 73 base cards 1 checklist 9 stickers 7 character cards 6 art parallel cards ADDITIONAL CHASE CARDS: rainbow foil cards (base set) printing plate (sealed box topper only) DAWN OF THE DEAD TRADING CARDS -

    SEALED BOX LIMITED TO 325 BOXES ONLY! Retail Price: $120 Each sealed box of 24 wax packs includes: 2 full base sets, 2 full sticker sets, 2 full character sets, 2 full art parallel sets, 2 checklists, 1 sketch card, 12 random unique rainbow foil cards, 1 printing plate (box topper)

    DAWN OF THE DEAD TRADING CARDS - FACTORY BOX LIMITED TO 100 BOXES ONLY! Retail Price: $32 Each box of 86 cards includes: 73 full base card set, 7 character cards, 2 random unique art parallel cards, 2 stickers, 1 checklist, 1 random unique rainbow foil card

    DAWN OF THE DEAD TRADING CARDS - WAX PACK (SINGLE) Retail Price: $5 9 trading cards, 1 sticker, sketch cards and other chase/parallel cards are randomly inserted, Glow in the dark wrapper."

    This is the type of news that makes the Horror collector side of me go "Holy crap!" and the cheap side of me go "Holy crap!", because while these are awesome, these are expensive. Well, I guess the single packs aren't bad, but with shipping, you're still looking at about $10 for a pack. For the more money-having of you out there be sure to check back on Fright-Rags next Wednesday.

    Mondo Macabro's Who Can Kill a Child Blu-ray Coming Soon

    WHO CAN KILL A CHILD is coming to Blu-ray soon! The pre-order will arrive sometime next month (keep checking back, we'll have a firm date on that soon), but in the meantime here are the two covers for the limited edition plus all the specs for the disc and the packaging!

    Limited to this red case edition will be a reversible cover with both images unique to this version, a booklet featuring a brand new essay by horror film expert Lee Gambin, and a series of postcards reproducing the US lobby cards!

    The region-free disc itself will feature:
    *Brand new 4K restoration from the original negative
    *Two different English language tracks - the Spanish export version and the US 'ISLAND OF THE DAMNED' dub - as well as the Spanish language track with optional English subtitles
    *Two options for the opening credits; the longer 'mondo'-style opening of the Spanish/export version and the shorter US 'ISLAND OF THE DAMNED' opening
    *Brand new audio commentary by Kat Ellinger and Samm Deighan of the Daughters of Darkness podcast
    *Brand new interview with horror historian and critic Kim Newman
    *Archival Spanish TV documentary on the film
    *Archival interviews with director Narciso Ibanez Serrador and cinematographer Jose Luis Alcaine *Trailers and radio spots

    There isn't a release date set, but I follow their thread and it seems like sometime next month should be when we can expect it. If you want limited red case edition with reversible sleeve and postcards be sure to order direct from Mondo Macabro. If not, their standard editions usually come out a bit after the limited release and can be found on Amazon, Diabolik, or anywhere else you usually purchase from.

    Thursday, March 15, 2018

    Vinegar Syndrome Releasing Jim Mallon's Blood Hook this April

    After a few months that were light on the Horror, Vinegar Syndrome's finally got a couple titles that are more my speed lined up for April. First up, Blood Hook from Jim Mallon, who many of you probably know best as the producer and the voice of Gypsy on Mystery Science Theater. You also might know him as "the reason Joel Hodgson left the show". Fun fact, the Key Grip on Blood Hook was a guy we like to call Kevin Murphy.

    BLOOD HOOK (Limited Edition Slipcover Blu-ray/DVD)

    Jim Mallon's darkly humorous blend of slasher setup, pseudo-giallo, and small midwestern town fishing traditions, BLOOD HOOK, arrives on Blu-ray, newly restored from its original negative and presented in its much longer and never before released in this country, original director's cut (which includes, among other things, nearly 30 seconds of additional gore), alongside fresh interviews with its cast and crew and a limited edition embossed slipcover!

    Pre-order is up now!

    TERROR (Limited Edition Slipcover Blu-ray/DVD) 

    Then, continuing to forage through the world of filmmaker Norman J. Warren, we present his 1978 splatter/slasher/send up to horror cinema, TERROR, offered in its full strength director's cut, and newly restored from its camera negative, making it all the easier to enjoy its dizzying array of low-fi gore effects. Plus, the package comes complete with a slew of all new interviews plus some freshly discovered deleted and extended plot scenes!

    Edited to add that there is a reverse of this slipcover that features the alternate artwork I had originally thought was missing.

    Pre-order is up now!

    BLUE VENGEANCE (Limited Edition Slipcover Blu-ray/DVD) 

    Thirdly, we have a real oddity from the waning days of NYC-made exploitation sleaze, J. Chris Ingvordsen's almost unclassifiable BLUE VENGEANCE. Lurching between slasher tropes, action set-pieces, and almost-supernatural curveballs, and filled with great glimpses of NYC during its last gasps of true grit, this is the most earnest piece of genre-blending Big Apple weirdness that we've released since MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS!

    Pre-order is up now!

    I'm not familiar with Blue Vengeance, but Blood Hook and Terror will definitely find their way on my shelves. I'll add Amazon links when they are listed for anyone who wants, but if you want the slipcovers be sure to use the links above because they are exclusive to the VS store.

    Wednesday, March 14, 2018

    You Know You're A Monster If...

    Growing up in the late 80s and early 90s I was always a big Mad and Cracked magazine fan. Re-reading a lot of issues now I realize that I probably didn't really get a lot of the jokes, but I never hesitated to bug my mom to pick up a new issue any time I saw one at Safeway or Crown Books. As a young horror fan as well, I absolutely lost my mind any time Mad or Cracked had a horror-themed article. Would you call a 3 or 4-page segment of a comic an article? That doesn't sound right, right? 

    So, as I'm going through these comics for the first time in years I'll probably post some of the more horror-centric articles here. Articles. That still sounds weird to me.

    From issue 257. Featuring art by Gene Colan (co-creator of Blade!), written by George Gladir. Credit to the scanner of this issue.

    Ridiculous Screenshot of the Day - Albino Chinese Devil Dracula?

    I watch a lot of weird crap. I'd say my weird crap to legit good movie ratio is about 10 to 1. While watching said weird crap, I will often encounter a scene or shot so profoundly bizarre or ridiculous that I have to stop the movie and grab a screenshot. Hopefully, someone out there finds them as amusing as I do.

    I think this is from the John Woo film To Hell With The Devil. I took this shot a while ago and forgot what I saw it in. I see Stanley Fung in the background, but I've recently gotten into 80s Hong Kong horror so I've seen that dude in literally 20 movies in the past 18 months so this might be from something else. Here's a trailer (thanks to the uploader).

    As you can see, this movie is really goddamn weird, even for HK horror. I didn't see the androgynous vampire Satan in there, but Stanley has really big fangs and a cape at one point, so this must be it. After rewatching this trailer, I probably could've taken a screenshot of any single second of this movie and used it for this post.

     Fun fact, this movie currently holds the world record for "most exploding Stanley Fungs".

    Friday, November 24, 2017

    MST3K Officially Given Movie Sign For Season 12

    The annual MST3K Turkey Day marathon came to a close about an hour ago and those of us who stayed to the very end (the end after it ended) were treated with some very exciting news. After months of uncertainty, Joel has announced that Netflix is in for another season of the show, so Season 12 will be filmed and presumably premiere sometime in 2018. That's all he's got for now, but that awesome bit of news is good enough for me. Hopefully they put it out on Blu-ray as well, I've got 39 boxsets of this show (minus the blasted Volume 9 which, sells for around the price of a used Kia), I can't stop there.

    If they're looking for a suggestion for a movie from Shout's library for the new season, might I suggest Greydon Clark's Without Warning? This movie is like a classic MST trifecta, directed by Clark (Angel's Revenge, Final Justice) and starring Cameron Mitchell (Stranded in Space, Space Mutinyand Jack Palance (Outlaw of Gor, Angel's Revenge). Also, from what I recall, the movie kinda sucks, so this is almost too perfect.

    Monday, October 30, 2017

    Free Halloween EP From Kevin Hufnagel (Dysrhythmia / Gorguts)

    With Halloween only 4 hours away, I've stumbled upon a free Halloween EP from Kevin Hufnagel of Dysrhythmia (and the last two Gorguts albums) that some of you should enjoy. Kevin covers themes from two Horror classics and the world's creepiest real-life mystery show that is not a news broadcast. Listen here, or click the link to find a Name Your Price download button. $0.00 is technically a price, but maybe throw the guy a buck or two if you enjoy it.

    Speaking of Unsolved Mysteries, I've been watching it on Amazon Prime a lot lately. Robert Stack was one spooky bastard, that dude used to really give me the willies when I was younger. Still does, but I think I was legitimately frightened by him when I a kid. But then, I was frightened by a lot of weird stuff as a kid - that Deee-Lite 'Grove is in the Heart' music video used to scare the absolute hell out of me and I have no idea why. I was a weird kid.

    Anyone else hate when the show features the "long lost relative" stories? I didn't remember there being many of them, but it turns out I was incorrect. It seems like 25% of the mysteries involve some old guy who was orphaned 90 years ago finally reuniting with his sister a week before they both die of old age. I mean, that's nice and all (the reuniting, not my geriatric death joke), but I watch this show for creepy weird stories, not sappy Hallmark Channel nonsense like that.

    Sunday, October 29, 2017

    Monster Make-Up Handbook by Dick Smith - Ghoul

    Here's another do-it-yourself makeup guide, though this one looks substantially more difficult and time consuming than any others in the entire book minus the werewolf. There aren't many materials needed, but this one really looks like a bitch. I do really love the look of the completed makeup, anyone out there who happens to be working on a movie right now, rip off this design and throw this dude in your film.

    Friday, October 27, 2017

    Famous Monsters Do-It-Yourself Monster Make-Up Handbook - Skull

    Halloween is only a few days away now, and I'm sure some of you might not have a costume idea yet. You're in luck, upon cleaning up my computer I came across the awesome Famous Monsters Do-It-Yourself Monster Make-Up Handbook From 1965 featuring several cool make-up ideas you should be able to whip up using a few inexpensive products that you might even have at home already. Everyone has a bald cap or two lying around, right?

    I'm way too much of a social awkward weirdo to actually dress up or go to parties, so my Halloweens usually involve me working to avoid having to act normal and give small people treats, but I might give a few of these a shot myself. Of course, the makeup in the magazine was created by Dick Smith, so mine probably won't quite be up to snuff with a legendary make-up artist.

    I'll post more of them later, but for now, probably the best looking of the easier ones is the Skull:

    I'd upload the whole issue, but I've been out of it for so long I don't even know what sites to even use anymore. If anyone wants it, let me know where to upload it and I'll take care of it.

    Wednesday, October 25, 2017

    Halloween Moviethon - A Taste of Blood, Cannibal Campout, Amityville 7: It's A Mirror This Time

    I've already fallen way behind on keeping up with the posting here. I've actually watched probably 20 movies since I posted but I've had to start working again after a few months off, so my posting time has been limited lately. Turns out laying around watching movies for months and then jumping right back into bust-ass manual labor makes you kind of tired. But here's my thoughts on a few of my latest viewings. Try to get some more up sooner this time.

    A Taste of Blood or Herschell Gordon Lewis' Dracula

    John Stone receives a package from England with a couple of very old bottles of brandy inside. Like the best booze, it comes with instructions. He must toast to his ancestor before enjoying his newly inherited beverage. Long story short, this "brandy" actually happens to be the blood of Dracula, and with the unholy plasma now coursing through his veins John turns into a ghoulish bloodsucker whose white peeling makeup makes it look like he took a run through the Krispy Kreme glazer.

    This is the closest to a prestige picture we ever got from Mr. Lewis. It looks like more money was spent than usual and the acting, while not good, is still quite a bit better than usual. I didn't notice any really bad line readings until that guy with the dog showed up at the end. Why was this guy in the movie? His attempts at comedy relief were pretty pitiful and he flubs a couple of his half dozen lines, including a doozy where he refers to his "beloved" dog Impy as fucking Picket.

    Unfortunately at 117 minutes and with none of the patented H.G. Gonzo Gore this movie really drags ass. Not bad at all, just too uneventful to justify the epic running time. Definitely worth a look for Herschell fans, but if you're new to his work, start elsewhere. Start at Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs and work your way to this one later.

    Best credit: Bill Kozak as "Man Running from Tomb"

    Cannibal Campout 

    The best part of this movie is the disclaimer at the beginning:


    That opening is ridiculous, it's a nearly Monty Python level of absurdist comedy. Naturally I thought this was going to be hilarious. That little bit of text is as funny as it gets.

    The movie goes like this. Four dorky white people, including director McBride head out for a weekend of camping. While driving through the woods a couple of miles from their final destination they are attacked by a couple of bumpkins in overalls. They manage to escape, but as to be expected from something called Cannibal Campout, the woodfolk soon find the camping yuppies and the gut eating commences.

    Now, these people aren't going to any specific campsite, they could've driven another 20 miles in any direction and camped there. Nope, these toolbags drive a mile or two further into the woods and set up camp anyway. Their logic being that the guys who were hanging out in the woods "probably don't even live around here". Except those guys absolutely look like people who live in the woods. Not near the woods. Literally in the woods. I'm from the South, I've known people who lived in the woods. You know who they looked like? These guys:

    There are some decent enough gore effects (including an epic cleaved mullet) but I couldn't really get to into this one. I liked Woodchipper Massacre, which is considered much worse, but this one just didn't work for me. Campout is well made from a technical standpoint given the budget, but this one is actually kind of grim and depressing compared to the other SOV stuff I've seen - with friends forced to eat each other's intestines and a month old fetus sexed before being devoured. Maybe I'm softening up in my old age, but the more torture-y gore scenes here kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.

    Bonus points! This movie features what might be the worst movie scene ever filmed, and I'm not talking about the fetus eating scene. When the rapebillies track down the campers after a grueling 8 minute search one of them quips "It's a small world". For most movies, after this sentence the actor might say something more, or another actor might speak. Nope. This guy repeats his line a few more times. Then he proceeds to say "small" another 20 times (literally). "Small, small, small, small..." You get the point. This whole scene goes on FOREVER. Think of the longest thing you can think of and double it. It made me yell "Oh, my fuck!" That phrase doesn't even make sense but I needed to hear something other than the word "small" - anything else, and that's what my brain and mouth collectively came up with. I haven't heard a man say the word "small" this many times since the last time I was forced to listen to the Mellencamp song at work.

    Amityville: A New Generation

    In this fifth or sixth Amityville sequel a mirror from the original house finds its way into the home of an art douche named Keyes Terry. Why do screenwriters love to give their characters stupid names? I spent half the movie wondering why his girlfriend was calling him by his last name like she was a college bro before I realized Keyes was supposed to be his first name. Keyes is not a name. Nobody has ever been named Keyes in the history of ever. I checked. How about Terry Keyes?

    This is about on par with the post-original trilogy sequels I've seen. Which is all of them minus Dollhouse. A good supporting cast featuring David Naughton, Richard Roundtree and Terry O'Quinn (see, Terry is a perfectly acceptable first name for a man) and a few hilarious death scenes, but nothing particularly memorable. For me, the coolest thing about this movie was actually this darkwave song by a band called WILL.


    Related Posts with Thumbnails