Sunday, December 31, 2006

Frank LaLoggia + David Spear - Fear No Evil

The1981 film Fear No Evil by Frank LaLoggia and David Spear. Fear No Evil was kind of a missed opportunity. In the film Stefan Arngrim is Andrew. Andrew as it turns out is Lucifer personified. For some reason he chose the body of some nerdy highschool kid for his visit to Earth. So, basically we have a Teenage Mephistopheles set lose in a highschool. Mayhem, homoerotic showering and eventually zombies, ensue.

LaLoggia's heart was in the right place with this one, but the film misses the mark in the long run. I think the film might've done better if they had gone with the working title, "Wussy Lucifer". I don't know, when I think of Lucifer and Hell, I think "Ultimate Evil and Unholy Darkness", you know, horned red guys torturing virgins, drinking the blood of virgins, and other evil activities involving virgins like depicted in all the 80's Metal album cover imagery that caused such a stir back then. When I see this guy I think "Man, if there were ever a guy who deserved a wedgie...."

This movie does feature a "death by ball" scene that predates the one in Deadly Friend by several years. Although this film uses a dodgeball and not a basketball. I think a dodgeball makes more sense though, I'm sure dozens of children over the years have met their fate at the business end of a dodgeball. Worst game, ever? Quite possibly. Speaking of that scene, how into it was that Gym teacher during the dodgeball game? "Get them!!! GET THEM!!! KILL HIM!!!!" I mean, I take dodgeball as seriously as the next guy, but come on, that was just ridiculous. Also, I dare you not to chuckle when our Lucifer exclaims "I am the life source! I shall be, like, the most high!". What? Like, the most high? Bill S. Preston Esquire as the profane incarnation of Lucifer. As goofy as the movie can get at times the music is actually rather well done, so while I can't really recommend the film I do recommend giving the music a shot.

1. EPILOGUE (06:00)2. MAIN TITLE (02:14)3. THE CHRISTENING (00:42)4. EIGHTEEN YEARS (00:55)5. BICYCLE/DAMON'S DEATH (03:13)6. MIKHAIL'S PRAYER (00:47)7. THE ISLAND (01:06)8. MIKHAIL'S LAMENT (00:57)9. BATTLE BALL/THE FUNERAL (02:36)10. GABRIELLE'S VISION (02:05)11. FOLLOW ME/IS HE THERE? (03:46)12. RAISE THE DEAD (01:25)13. PASSION PLAY (01:43)14. TO THE BOAT (01:06)15. KNOCKERS (01:10)16. FINALE (07:06)

If anyone has the soundtrack with The Ramones, Talking Heads, etc., please let me know, I'd love to have that one as well.

Saturday, December 30, 2006

Selections from Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout

This is another one of those completely retarded things that's very existence completely amazes me. The self-dubbed "scariest exercise video ever made", Linnea Quigley's Horror Workout. Although if we're choosing the scariest exercise video ever made I'd like to throw this little number out there as one I think just might take the cake for that title.

So I was bored and thought it'd be fun to rip the music from a few of the little routines, or whatever the hell you call workout numbers. I've been going back and forth on whether to post this or not. The copy I have was a DVD+R copy given to me by a friend. It was ripped from a VHS, which is surely the only incarnation of this thing we'll ever see, so the sound quality on these few tracks is not great. I tried to touch up the audio, I did some noise reduction, but I'm not an expert or anything, so it's not great. But it's not totally terrible. The music itself is cheesy as hell, kinda like Nintendo-ish music from 1988, but like Nintendo music that you can dance to or something. In fact the final track reminds me of the music from T&C Surf Design
. The first track is actually very cool, but sadly Linnea is in the shower for the whole scene so you can hear water running the whole track. I mean, "Yay!" for the naked part, but the music suffers from it. I don't know, I just thought it would be kinda funny to post this. If at least one person gets a kick out of this, then I've done my job.

John Vulich is credited as the man responsible for the music. This is his only attempt at scoring, although he's done a lot of make-up work for films like Day of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead 1990, and Being John Malkovich. He most recently did effects work on Christopher Nolan's The Prestige.

The workout video is only an hour-long, 1/4 of which is just clips from Linnea's movies, then there are scenes between each routine so the "soundtrack" here is only about 25 minutes long.

1. Warning : The Most Gratuitous Shower Scene Since Sorority House Massacre II
2. The Killer Interupts Linnea's Warmup
3. Zombie Joggers Stalk Linnea
4. Final Workout Prior To The Slaughter


Enjoy Kristy Langford on Linnea Quigley. Thanks Kristy! Linnea Quigley Interview

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Twisted Sister - Oh Come All Ye Faithful

To celebrate the holiday I thought I'd share one the all time greatest holiday songs being completely desecrated by Twisted Sister. Featuring what appears to be Bobcat's brother Fredcat Goldthwait on drums. I'd like to thank Mike Nelson for that joke I shamelessly stole from him.
Thanks Mike!

My question, how come the girl in the video keeps her shirt on the whole time? What the hell? That's the rule, a video for this kind of music, women are there to lose their clothes at some point and nothing else, I know the 80's
Sister wouldn't have stood for this crap. I'm totally kidding by the way, in case anyone takes offense to that. One more question, did this
video need to be like 7 minutes long?

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Morgue Wants try and help me out with some requests.

Thought I'd try my luck and see if anyone happens to have a few things I'm looking for. Well, things I'm looking for, and things I've had requests for that I couldn't fulfill. If anyone has any of these let me know. If you upload it yourself I can make a post with it, or just send me in the direction of a site you find it on, if you do. Whatever works for you. Also, if you're here to make a request you can check on my links, my Rate Your Music list is there, so you can see if I have it first. So, here's the list, which as of this update is alphabetized.

Action Jackson
American Flyers
An American Werewolf In London, music by Elmer Bernstein - Got it!
Bare Knuckles
Brainscan - Got it!
Buio Omega (Beyond the Darkness)
Cav. Costante Nicosia demoniaco, ovvero: Dracula in Brianza, Il
La vergine di Norimberga by Riz Ortolani
C.H.U.D. or C.H.U.D. 2: Bud the CHUD
Children of Dune - Brian Tyler
Dead Presidents
Doctor Faustus by Mario Nascimbene
Doppia Faccia by Nora Orlandi
Dracula A.D. 1972 by Michael Vickers
Dracula Père Et Fils (1977) by Vladimir Cosma
Dune Miniseries - Graeme Revell
Elmer Bernstein - Stripes
Elmer Bernstein - Spies Like Us
The Eye (Pang Brothers)
Femme Fatale
Grand Canyon by James Newton Howard
Goblin - Contamination
Mama Dracula by Roy Budd
Major League
Miami Vice
Murder By Death
One Missed Call
Phenomena (Creepers) - I have the score, but Bill is looking for the one with Iron Maiden and Motorhead.
Polar Express
Private Eyes
Profeta, Il by Armando Trovajoli -
Profumo di donna by Armando Trovajoli
Rock 'n' Roll High School Forever
Roller Boogie
Slaughterhouse Rock - if a bootleg edition exists out there somewhere
Slugger's Wife
Spring Break - Got it!
Tender Mercies
Tokyo Decadence by Ryuichi Sakamoto
Twins of Evil by Harry Robertson

I'm adding to the list as I get comments, so if you're looking for something leave a comment. I'll try and help you find it. Or maybe someone else will be kind enough to share it.

George A. Romero's Day of the Dead vs. Vanilla Ice is 'Cool As Ice'

Okay, this is kind of a collaboration I have going with the newly founded Covered's Place. These few were soundtracks I had requested for him to put up and he said it was cool to just use his links to them, so I'll put them up here unless he changes his mind on that. Be sure to swing by and check out the site, plenty more stuff to check out, I'm just putting the stuff I requested up. There's usually a few new things added a day.

This is the music from my personal favorite of Romero's Dead Trilogy. Well, I guess it's a "Quadrilogy" at this point, isn't it? Still my favorite.
I don't know, I just really like the film. The effects are just outstanding, Dr. Tongue immediately comes to mind, and Joe Pilato is a great bad guy. I think it's an all around great film, though I understand why Dawn would be the more popular of the trilogy. Random trivia, the actor who played everyone's favorite zombie, Bub actually appeared as Elaine's "Fat Starving Artist" on the Junior Mint episode of Seinfeld. Let's go watch them slice this fat bastard up.

1. The Dead Suite (19:39)
2. Breakdown (03:50)
3. Escape Invasion (03:56)
4. The Dead Walk (04:51)
5. If Tomorrow Comes (03:37)
6. The World Inside Your Eyes (02:29)
7. Deadly Beginnings (07:25)
8. Diner of the Living Dead (01:39)
9. Dead Calm (01:53)
10. Bub's 9th (00:36)
11. Dead End (21:39)
The Dead have waited. The day has come:
Fuck You Sir!

I'm saving the best for last here, Vanilla Ice's feature film debut, the current holder of the #23 spot on the IMDB's Bottom 100, a reliable source if there ever was one, Cool As Ice. Directed by the man who brought us Inspector Gadget and a shitload of Playboy videos. My question, how in the hell is Sinbad not in this movie? Also, didn't they rip off that motorcycle/horse scene from Top Gun? While I'm on roll with the questions, didn't Adaptation also rip that off for the "technology vs. horse" bit? What happened to Ice's "metal" image he created for himself years after the kibosh was put on his rap career? So many questions, so little actual concern regarding the answers.

01 - Cool as Ice
02 - Gonna Catch You
03 - You've Got to Look Up
04 - Luve 2 Love U
05 - People's Choice
06 - Never Wanna Be Without You
07 - Forever
08 - Faith
09 - Drop That Zero
10 - Get Wit' It

When a girl has a heart of stone, there's only one way to melt it. Just add Ice:

Thanks again to Covered's Place for letting me post these, be sure to click the link above and give his site a visit, like I said, a lot of great stuff you will want to check out.

Norman Orenstein - American Psycho 2

This is Norman Orenstein's music from the uh, film American Psycho 2. One of the greatest all-time "cash-in with nothing at all to do with the original" sequels. Okay, the movie is more or less a complete shit-pickle, so by "greatest", I mean worst offender. The movie stars Mila Kunis and William "The Shat" Shatner, and was directed by Morgan Freeman! Okay, Morgan J. Freeman, not the actor. It's a shame though, the other Morgan would've been far more interesting. In the film Mila Kunis is Rachel. When Rachel was 9 years old her babysitter took her with her on a date with Patrick Bateman. Who brings the kid they're babysitting on a date? Seems like "Don't take her with you on a date" would be like number 2 in the "Things Not to do While Babysitting" Handbook, right behind "Don't let the kid die". Anyway, Patrick kills the babysitter and while he's not paying attention Rachel in turn, kills him. This prologue scene is like 34 seconds long and was totally tacked on after the film was finished to sell a few more copies.

As a sequel to the great American Psycho, it's completely shameful. However, by itself it's a fairly entertaining lite-slasher film. Mila Kunis gives a pretty fun performance and she's damn cute in a tiny little chick kinda way. Plus you also get The Shat hamming it up, both with his acting performance and with his physical appearance. Yep, I just made a fat joke at a 75-year old man's expense. I've just bought myself a ticket straight to hell.

The music is very fun actually. It's got a light-hearted feel that really reminds me a lot of Beetlejuice at times. Not on the same quality level, but it just sounds kinda similar on some of the tracks. I'm not familiar with Norman Orenstein's work, in fact his listing on Rate Your Music didn't even exist until I added it, but this one is pretty entertaining.

1. All American Girl (02:10)2. Rachael & Starkman (01:31)3. Get Gerty (00:43)4. Press Release (01:22)5. Killing Brian (01:54)6. Dr. Daniels 1 (02:02)7. Dr. Daniels 2 (01:48)8. Faster Women (02:53)composed by Norman Orenstein 9. Cassandra & Rachael (00:45)10. Rachael & Dr. Daniels (02:32)11. Stalking Keith (01:08)12. Starkman Investigates (03:25)13. Flashback (04:21)14. Security Guard (00:44)15. That Really Intense Girl (01:03)16. Daniels Phone (00:37)17. In The Bedroom (00:45)18. Rachael & Daniels Encounter (01:21)19. Stark Jazz (02:25)20. Daniels Investigates (01:33)21. Police Investigate (08:00)22. Quantico (00:21)23. Elizabeth McGuire (01:56)24. That´s The Story (00:58)25. Stuck With You (03:34)performed and written by Kelly Slattry

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episode 610: The Violent Years

Okay, as promised, here is MST3K Episode 610: The Violent Years. A film written by Ed Wood and directed by the guy who edited Tarantula, so you know you're in good hands. The Violent Years is a film about some rich girl who is spoiled with money and gifts from her parents when all she wants is some affection from them. So her and her gang go around robbing and eventually killing people. Makes sense. Oddly the gang in the movie didn't seem to have a name. That's the best part of starting up a gang. I bet a good 80% of all gangs were started just because someone thought of a really good gang name that they didn't want to see go to waste.

I apologize for this not being up until now, I had it ready to post at about 3 this afternoon, which is the very time my internet inexplicably stopped working. Amazingly, shaking my fist violently in anger at the computer and calling it names like "Dickweed" failed to help the situation. 5 hours later it finally sprung back into action. It started working again as inexplicably as it stopped hours earlier.

So I had a chance to watch this one during the internet downtime. It is, in fact, a great episode. There is a short before the film, some weird ass sitcom-like electricity advertisement called Young Man's Fancy (which sounds like the name of some kind of spanking fetish magazine from the 40s). This short was absolutely hilarious, one of the all-time best in my opinion. Several lines made me have to stop the episode because I was laughing so hard. We then move on to the 1956 film The Violent Years, or "Penthouse Forum: The Movie" as it's referenced as at the start of some weird sweater theft/4 women on 1 man reverse rape scene. Hard to explain, but Mike, Tom and Crow are just on the whole time during this odd scene making it one of the funniest of the episode. The host segments were great too, minus one with Tom in a wig screaming for 3 minutes. Tom Servo's theme song he makes himself is funny as hell and Mike and Crow do a brilliant reenactment of the robbery scene from the movie. So, great short, great movie choice, and great host segments. I highly recommend this one.

As I said before, if you try TMPGEnc or Nerovision Express you can make a decent DVD out of the file. Not great quality, but very watchable. I don't have a cover for this episode, if anyone has a decent quality poster image or a DVD cover they can scan with art from The Violent Years I would appreciate it and I could make one. I just can't find any art of decent enough quality to use.

Three parts, you need all three to view the episode:

On a side note does anyone recommend or having anything negative to say about switching from "Old" Blogger to the Beta version? I was okay with sticking with the old version out of fear that switching would mess up the site somehow. But I saw Beta has some "Drag and Drop" editing feature that sounds like it might be cool. It's a bitch for me to fix stuff like the small dot in my banner, and the actual banner itself. Any comments on that would be appreciated.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

The Wicker Man vs. The Wicker Man - A Retrospective

I felt it was review time. As with all my previous reviews (all both of them) keep in mind I have no real review writing experience so this might not be the most professional review ever. It also might be a bit on the rambling side, like 92% of my posts end up being. I did try and avoid sounding like a random 14-year old girl written IMDB user review. Also despite the title this is pretty much mostly discussing the remake, but I do discuss the original some too.

I just took in a viewing of the Neil LaBute directed remake of The Wicker Man starring Nicolas Cage. Yeah. I watched the uncut version which is slightly more graphic than the one released in theaters. I also loses a tremendously tacky coda that was seemingly trying to setup a sequel. I hadn’t seen the Edward Woodward one in a few years so I just watched that one to refresh my memory.

I could make this very brief.

Wicker Man 1973 - Good. A classic film. Wicker Man 2006 - Uhh, not so good. I could stop there, but that would be a cheap, half-assed review. I think I’d like to use at least 2/3rds of my ass on this assignment I’ve given myself.

The Wicker Man 1973. Apart from the barely tolerable music in the original , it’s a great movie. The music does drag it down a bit for me because, frankly, it gives me a headache. I'm not talking score-wise, I mean the numerous musical numbers. The opening song feels so much like Foldgers’ “Best part of waking up….” jingle it’s not even funny. The film itself is mysterious and creepy. It’s slow moving, but in the good “suck you in” kinda way. The ending, even though I’d heard about it before seeing, was very powerful and you really felt for the character who was just trying to do a good thing. The film also had Christopher Lee and featured an odd scene of the very non-ugly Britt Eckland completely bare assed naked singing and dancing around. At one point even slapping her own ass mid-dance. It’s a tough act to follow. As I found out while watching the remake, it’s a very, very tough act to follow.

The Wicker Man 2006. I hate doing the plot description part, so I’ll be brief. Nicolas Cage is Edward Malus. Edward is an overacting sheriff who goes to a small island called Summersisle to investigate the disappearance of a young girl. Ellen Burstyn is Sister Summersisle, who is, I don’t know, like the mayor of the island, or queen, or cult leader, who seems to have some sort of virgin girl posse with her at all times. But they’re usually like 50 feet away from her, like they have a restraining order or something. Not sure what that was all about. Anyway there’s more to the plot than that, but it’d take another paragraph to explain it all, and it just doesn’t really matter. Plus further explaining it would probably include a lot of spoilers. This new version, while it looks like they were trying, is just not suspenseful, creepy or all that interesting. In addition the film is littered with pointless flashbacks to things we already saw in the very film we are watching. I believe it was Thomas Servo who said “You know you’re in trouble when a movie starts showing you parts of itself.” I was more intrigued by the fact that Sister Summersisle shows up at the finale wearing some Braveheart make-up for no apparent reason than the rest of the plot. Would’ve like the back story on that. Maybe they could’ve replaced the 4th and 5th flashback to the opening car crash with someone explaining the William Wallace face paint.

Wicker Man 2006, like most remakes these days, is not an outright terrible film. It’s unnecessarily ridiculous at times, but it’s not awful. Okay, it’s pretty awful, but not completely unwatchable. It all just seems kind of pointless. It just moves along, it ends and you go do something else. You don’t really think about it after it’s over. It isn’t very suspenseful or anything. Kinda boring, really. You find yourself striking up full conversations at random throughout the movie and the person you’re talking to doesn’t seem to mind the interruption. And afterwards you can jump right back into the movie and not have missed anything. It really makes you question the purpose of this particular remake. People who like the original, like the original and think it‘s good the way it is. People who hate the original won’t be interested in seeing another version of it. And people who haven’t seen or heard of the original, most Americans for example, won’t even know what the hell The Wicker Man is, so it’s not like they really even get the built-in name recognition of something like, say, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Whatever happened to just blatantly ripping off a movie and calling it something different? Hell, it seems like much of the entire Italian film industry was based on this idea throughout the 70s and 80s. How many Italian Mad Max ripoffs were there?

While Wicker Man 2006 lacks in suspense or quality it more than makes up for it with several scenes of accidental gut-busting hilarity. Towards the end of the movie it seemingly turns into to one of those Lifetime Original battered women films. Edward just starts beating the hell out of all the women on the island, and screaming “Bitches!” repeatedly at them. Now, I don’t condone violence, especially against women, so that is not what I find hilarious. It’s just so bizarrely handled, the way it all goes down is very funny. After a little disagreement with the Kathy Bates-esque Sister Beech he draws back and punches her in the face. Afterwards Leelee Sobieski’s Sister Honey character ambushes Edward and jumps on his back. He judo chops her, then karate kicks her in the face, sending her flying into a wall like he’s goddamn Chuck Norris fighting off a gang of evil hooligans. What the hell? After my friend and I wiped the tears of laughter from our eyes we went back on the DVD, just to make sure we weren’t hallucinating. Then we went back 2 or 3 more times because it kept getting funnier every time we saw it. One of the most random things I’ve ever seen in my life. Who kicks a non-ninja girl in the face? I’m amazed he didn’t let out a hearty “Hi-ya!” mid-kick. Poor Leelee. First, her parents name her Leelee, then she has to act along side Chris Klein, now Francis Ford Coppola’s nephew kicks her in the freakin’ head.

Now on to Nick. The movie suffers from one of Nick’s “off” performances. Nicolas Cage, I think, is great in his more offbeat roles. For example, H.I. McDunnough in Raising Arizona, Charlie and Donald Kaufman in Adaptation, stuff like that, he’s great. But I find when he does the standard Action or dramatic roles he can be very off at times. There’s an awful scene in this movie where he loses it while holding a burnt doll, and he starts screaming “How Did It Burn! How Did It Burn?” My friend and I were literally on the ground, in a hysterical fit of laughter for several minutes. Not just regular laughter either, this was like power laughter. You know, when you laugh so hard it actually hurts? Where your stomach starts to feel sore from the amount of laughter you’re experiencing and you start to have trouble breathing? We laughed until we choked. It was that funny. It was just such a poor line delivery. There are probably countless outtakes of the actress he’s screaming at struggling not to break into a fit of laughter, similar to what I went through. He seems to really have trouble acting in the presence of a child’s toy. Just look at the whole “bun-ney!!” fiasco in Con-Air. I don’t even want to get started on his performance in Con-Air.

Anyway, back to the Wicker Man. The ending, while not as powerful as in the original, isn’t too poorly handled. It’s appropriately downbeat, although it’s hard to feel for a guy who just got all pissy and beat the hell out of like 6 or 7 different women. My friend who had never seen the original didn’t seem to see it coming so I guess they didn‘t totally botch that part. But still, the bad outweighs the good here. I would suggest those of you who can find humor in bad filmmaking decisions at least blow a free rental coupon on it because there are some genuinely funny scenes to behold if you’re willing to wade through a whole bunch of shit to find them. I’m directing that statement mostly to the MST3K fans who visit the site, because everyone who watches that show will eventually end up poorly riffing what they watch themselves and this is a great one to do so with. I'm not funny at all, but even I had some good zingers. But if you’ve seen neither version, just go out and check out the 1973 version. Or just go outside and do something else. I hear hiking is fun.

I give Neil LaBute's Wicker Man a 5.7 out of 10. The real Wicker Man I would say 8.4 out of 10.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

The Thing With Two Heads!

Today's music comes from Lee Frost's classic film starring Ray Milland and Roosevelt "Rosey" Grier ( and possibly maybe even slightly inspiring How to Get Ahead in Advertising, at least a little bit, perhaps? ), The Thing With Two Heads! Okay, I know, that exclamation point isn't a part of the title like Airplane! or something, but I can't type that without throwing one at the end. It's really a title that's better yelled than spoken. Try it next time you talk about it. Scares the hell out of people. By the way, I want to apologize for the really weird spacing up there, it's kinda hard to read, but I can't fix it properly.

The Thing With Two Heads! is of course the light hearted romp where some doctors "transplant a white bigot's head on a soul brother's body", as the tagline goes. Hilarity, as you might imagine, ensues. It's a fairly entertaining movie, but it's not the most highly regarded film ever made. Probably not the most highly regarded film made that week, even. It is notable for featuring the first credited work by the most handsome man in make-up effects and 6-time Academy Award winner, Rick Baker.

And now, your tracklist, featuring the incomparable Sammy Davis, Jr.!
1. A Prayer (03:12)
Peformed By Jerry Butler
2. Dip, Dip I Got My Hands Full (03:55)
Performed By Billy Butler & Infinity
3. Bongolia (02:14)
Performed By The Incredible Bongo Band
4. Here I Am Again (03:08)
Performed By Ollie Nightingale
5. Fool's Paradise (02:23)
Performed By The Sylvers
6. May The Best Man Win (03:21)
Performed By Ollie Nightingale
7. I'm Truly Happy (02:45)
Performed By The Sylvers
8. Bongo Rock (02:36)
Performed By The Incredible Bongo Band
9. Take My Hand (04:23)
Performed By Sammy Davis, Jr.
10. Oh Happy Day (02:30)
Performed By The Mike Curb Congregation

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Actor Peter Boyle Dies at 71

I have no music to post right now (probably later on today though) but I just found out Peter Boyle died last night. I'm very saddened by the news, he was always entertaining no matter what he was doing. In addition to being a great actor he was also one of the all-time great Television Franks (up there with Frank Costanza and TV's Frank from MST3K) and he will be missed. Everyone should honor him today by watching Young Frankenstein or Taxi Driver, or any of the numerous things he appeared in. You could even catch a Raymond repeat on one of the several channels it comes on.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Michel Legrand - Une Femme Est Une Femme

Here's the score from Jean-Luc Godard's 1961 sophomore directorial effort Une Femme Est Une Femme. Well second feature length directorial effort, he had done some short films prior.

The tracklist for this one kinda resembles what you'd find on a Regurgitate album or something. It's not a bunch of hilarious and disgustingly titled grindcore songs, obviously, I mean there's a whole bunch of tracks, but some of them are only 30 seconds to a minute long. In fact the whole file is only about 20MB. I'm sure there's probably a better example I could've used, but what the hell, you don't get a chance to mention Godard and grind in the same breath very often.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III: Season of the Witch. The non-Michael Myers Halloween film. While it lacks Michael and the very, very talkative Dr. Loomis, it does have Tom "Thrill Me" Atkins, who later starred in one of my absolute favorite movies, Night of the Creeps. I remember there being a ton of hatred for this movie, seemingly only because it tried to do something other than just having Michael ice people, while Loomis talked alot while trying to stop him. But movie fans seem to have started warming up to it recently. 20 years after directing Halloween III, Tommy Lee Wallace went on to direct another film in a series John Carpenter started, the Bon Jovian film Vampires: Los Muertos.

I personally blame the movie's overall lack of success on that godforsaken Silver Shamrock music. Hearing that highpitched "8 more days till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween" jingle is enough to drive someone batshit insane. My finger was on the fast forward button the whole time just in case that song started up. Which it did, many, many times. I swear, if there was just one more day till Halloween in the movie I would've gotten up and run headfirst into the TV, killing the TV, probably myself, and most importantly, stopping that goddamn jingle. Check out track 7 of the soundtrack, you'll feel the same way.

Fortunately, that is a small part of the soundtrack. The rest of the music by Alan Howarth, and JC himself (John Carpenter, not Jesus) is appropriately spooky and eerie, and does not make you want to kill yourself.

1. Main Title (02:55)2. Chariots of Pumpkins (03:24)3. Drive to Santa Mira (02:29)4. Starker and Marge (01:53)5. First Chase (03:09)6. Robots at the Factory (02:00)7. Halloween Montage (01:38)Last track of side 1 of LP. Announcer: Tommy Lee Wallace8. Hello Grandma (04:53)9. The Rock (03:25)10. Challis Escapes (03:30)11. South Corridor (02:58)12. Goodbye Ellie (04:09)

Jang Young-gyu - A Bittersweet Life (Dalkomhan insaeng)

Here is the soundtrack from the film A Bittersweet Life (Dalkomhan insaeng). The film was directed by Ji-woon Kim who also directed the underrated The Quiet Family and A Tale of Two Sisters (soundtrack for that one is available here). Bittersweet is often compared to Oldboy, or it's at least usually mentioned in the same breath as Oldboy, which is a film I honestly did not care for. Blasphemy, I know. To this day I am the only person I know of who didn't like Oldboy. Seriously, check out the reviews on the Movie Review Query Engine, it's like 95% 3/4 or higher. Popular film.

Now, that I've thrown all my credibility out the window with my anti-Oldboy sentiments we can move onto the music for A Bittersweet Life. It's a very classy score, you could probably throw it on during a dinner party or something if you were so inclined. Although track 10 gets kinda action-packed towards the end, so be careful. Don't quote me on this tracklist here, I'm not 100% on it. The titles were in Korean so I had to hunt the tracklist down off of some random site. If anyone catches any mistakes, let me know.

01 Dialogue #1
02 My Sad Night
03 Irreversible Time
04 Dialogue #2
05 Romance (Composed By Yuhki Kuramoto)
06 Red Lounge
07 Long Journey
08 Red Ice-rink
09 A Bittersweet Life II
10 A Bittersweet Life
11 Escape
12 Fearness
13 Dark Room
14 Follow
15 Etude In E Minor (Composed By Francisco Tarrega)
16 Dialogue #3
17 Sky Lounge
18 Irrevisible Time (Quartet)
19 A Bittersweet Life III
20 A Honeyed Question

Friday, December 08, 2006

Body by Jake - Yes, there was a soundtrack.

Okay, this is probably the dumbest thing I've posted here to date. This one might even beat out Freddy's Greatest Hits. This is the soundtrack from Body by Jake, the 80's workout show featuring Jake Steinfeld, Chairman of Body By Jake Enterprises and one-time PCP ingesting movie maniac.

This is a collection of tacky pop/rock music that I guess a 100-pound, 40-year old woman clad in leopard print spandex, brandishing 5-lb plastic weights in either hand would've worked out to in 1988. My personal favorite is track 7, "Hard as a Rock", which has some hilarious accidentally porngraphic sounding lyrics. Enjoy?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Just One of the Guys

Someone requested this one recently and I just got it, so here it is. This is the soundtrack from the highly entertaining 1985 film Just One of the Guys. This one had a great cast. Joyce Hyser was good as Terry the girl, but just wonderful as Terry in guy form. Very fun watching her try to adapt to acting like she has testicles. Also two people from one of my favorite horror films, April Fools Day show up, Clayton Rohner as Rick Morehouse, and Deborah Goodman as Deborah. The movie also starred the highly attractive Sherilyn Fenn, Leigh McCloskey of Hamburger: The Motion Picture "fame", and William Zabka, who had the "80's bullying asshole" character down right from the start of his career.

I've always wondered how Terry was able hide a certain part of her body so well. When she flashes Rick Morehouse at the end of the film it turns out that Terry is, uh, quite....bossomy, for lack of a better word. Seems like that would've shown a little more in her guy get-up. Okay, I didn't wonder too hard, I'm sure she just wore a sports bra. And she's in a bikini early in the movie so you know what's going on there already. But still, you get so used to her being a boy when that part comes up and Bam!! It's a little startling. And being 7 or so when I first saw this, it was the coolest thing in the history of the world for that 2 seconds while it lasted. So here you go, enjoy. I'm off to watch the movie now, talking about it has me wanting to see it again.

1. Just One of the Guys
Performed by Shalamar
2. Girls Got Something Boys Ain't Got
Performed by Midnight Star
3. Tonight You're Mine
Performed by Ronnie Spector
4. Prove It To You
Performed by Dwight Twilley
5. Jealous
Performed by Berlin
6. Way Down
Performed by Billy Burnette
7. Burning
Performed by Brock/Davis
8. Thrills
Performed by Greg French
9. Hard Way
Performed by Brock/Davis
10. Guy Talk
Performed by Tom Scott

All balls itch! It's a fact!

Monday, November 27, 2006

International Curtis Armstrong Day

I was just reading about Revenge of the Nerds and it turns out today is Curtis Armstrong's birthday. Therefore I declare November 27th (what little bit that's left of it, at least) International Curtis Armstrong day. Pointless post? Perhaps, but I really think the man deserves a medal or something. He will live on forever in the annals of movie history by making three great 80's comedies even greater with his overall hilariousness. That's not a word, I know, but dammit all I can't think of a better way to put it. Miles in Risky Business, Dudly 'Booger' Dawson in Revenge of the Nerds and Charles De Mar in Better Off Dead. Never a dull moment when he's onscreen. We need to get this man more work. Now! Granted he was in an Academy Award winning film a couple of years ago, but still, I want more Curtis. Who's with me?

I'll leave you with this. I've assembled some classic Curtis Armstrongisms into a poem. But not really at all. Enjoy:

Step aside mama, I wanna see some of that muff.
Why? Does she have a penis?
What the fuck are 'robster craws'?
I say we blow their fucking houses up.
My daddy used to spank my bare bottom. Now he's gone.
Will you take his place?
Joel, you wanna know something? Every now and then say, "What the fuck." "What the fuck" gives you freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future.
I don't believe this! I've got a trig midterm tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.
I hope not. A virgin's a terrible thing to waste.
Greendale is a bodaciously small town, Lane. A fly speck on the map - a rest stop on the way to the ski slope. I can't even get real drugs here!
Go that way, really fast. If something gets in your way, turn.
We've got bush!

Autopsy - Severed Survival + Retribution for the Dead

I haven't posted any non-soundtrack music in a while, not since the ill-fated Birthday Massacre post a while back. (I still think they're awesome!) I just dug this one out of storage, this is the out of print album Severed Survival + Retribution for the Dead (Retribution is an EP included on the CD) by death metal legends Autopsy. If you're a fan of late 80's/early 90's death metal then you should have a good idea of what this album sounds like. The band was started after Chris Reifert left Death after their Scream Bloody Gore album. The music isn't as complex as Death or anything, but it's still recommended for those who like their metal on the deathy side. This album also featured Steve DiGiorgio (who also played with Death at one time, plus an assload of other bands) on bass. Plus the album cover is brilliant.

1. Charred Remains
2. Service for a Vacant Coffin
3. Disembowel
4. Gasping for Air
5. Ridden With Disease
6. Pagan Saviour
7. Impending Dread
8. Severed Survival
9. Critical Madness
10. Embalmed
11. Stillborn
12. Retribution for the Dead
13. Destined to Fester
14. In the Grip of Winter

Sunday, November 26, 2006

Black Christmas: The Remake - The Trailer, It'll "Slay" you!

Just felt like posting this since I had a little rant on it a while back. The image above is the highpoint of the new Black Christmas remake (or re-imagining, or do-over, whatever the hell they call them these days) trailer, which has made it's way onto the IGN site. Get a glimpse of this potential abomination right here.

Doesn't look as terrible as say The Fog, but it's a touch silly I think. The trailer starts by flashing back to "15 years earlier" where Billy is killing his family on Christmas Eve. So far, so good, right? He then grabs an angel shaped cookie cutter, presses it into a corpsified family member's back and makes cookies out of her skin. Huh? Wouldn't it just be like really thin steak? I don't think a cookie can contain any form of flesh can it? (I know this trailer doesn't mention them being cookies, but I had seen another trailer where this is mentioned.) He's a cannibal now? Was he just really curious?

And as I'd feared Billy's voice just isn't all that scary. Not as bad as that dorky-ass Scream voice, but it failed to give me the willies. He's even borderline Freddy-sounding during his "You're my family now" quip at the end. I pray he doesn't zing anyone when he offs them. So far, I'm gonna say the only good points I've come up with are 1)that image at the end of the trailer is pretty cool and 2) the girls are all rather attractive. That's it. It looks more like a lackluster sequel much more than a remake. Worst of all; No Saxon.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Richard Band - Troll

Greetings and Happy Thanksgiving. I hadn't planned to update today, but really, what else am I doing? So for this special occasion I am posting Richard Band's music from a rather unspecial film, Troll, the real Harry Potter movie. Starring Atreyu from The Neverending Story, Elaine from Seinfeld and uh, Michael Moriarty. Sorry, I can't remember any character names for Moriarty. The film was directed by the man who later brought us Friday the 13th Part VII.

While Troll is fairly craptacular it has absolutely nothing on Troll 2. There's a reason Troll 2 (which contains no trolls, but a bunch of shitty looking goblins, rather) is currently holding the #10 spot on the IMDB Bottom 100. That reason being that it's terrible on a whole new level. A level so bad that a new word needs to be invented to even describe it, because there are no current words strong enough to say how much it sucks. But it is an absolute hoot, so try it out if you have a chance. Just be warned, it's kinda crappy.

Either way, Ricahrd Band's score is pretty entertaining, so have at it:

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Wolfman's Got Nards! Bruce Broughton's score to The Monster Squad

This is the Bruce Broughton score to Fred Dekker’s The Monster Squad. This one seems to be quite hard to find and doesn’t appear to have a legitimate release available. Everyone loves this movie and I’ll tell you why, it’s great assortment of loveable characters. You get Dracula, Frankenstein (the kids acknowledge Frankenstein being the guy and not the monster, yet they just call him Frankenstein the whole time anyway), The Mummy, The Creature (or Gill Man, as he‘s called here), A betesticled Wolfman, Fat Kid, Wayne Arnold and of course Scary German Guy. Watching the movie now makes you notice it’s a bit more violent than it should have been given it being a bit on the kid-movie side. They shoot some vampire brides with stakes, Dracula picks up a little girl by the head and says “Give me the amulet, you Bitch!“ before being impaled on some really dangerous looking railing, they even explode the Wolfman for God’s sake. Pretty gruesome for a movie like this. But who knows without all that I might not be demented bastard I am today, so I still love it.

Watching it today also brings up a few questions. For example, why did “Fat Kid” have an aluminum foiled wrapped, half-eaten slice of pizza in his jacket pocket? I can understand Fat Kid has a candy bar, or Fat Kid has a bag of Skittles, but a slice of pizza? How fat was this kid supposed to be? I’ve also always wondered, does the Frankenstein monster really need the platform shoes? The man is pushing like 7 and a half feet as it is. Seems a bit unnecessary. Did they even have platform shoes in the 19th century?

Also, I thought I’d mention Ryan Lambert, who played the film’s badass, Rudy, sings in a band called Elephone. Pretty good band actually from the little bit I heard from their page.

Anyway, the tracklist I found has no titles, just numbers so that will have to do unless one of you out there have the tracklist. But download, and enjoy.

If we pull this off, I'm gonna shit!

The Morgue's Very First Compilation Album

I've seen these on several sites, so I thought I'd do my own. This is a compilation I've been working on. It’s a collection of some fantastically cheesy (and some not so cheesy) songs from movies I own. Most of these are from 80’s movies, but I had to throw a couple others in there to make the track list a bit bigger. I’ve titled this frightful compilation “My Heart is an Empty Tomb and your Name is Engraved Upon the Stone” which I blatantly swiped from the Giallo Title Generator. The title really has nothing to do with anything, I just thought it sounded cool in a really cheesy gothy kinda way. I made the cover using an old Vault of Horror comic cover. It's sized to fit in a cd jewel case, so if you want to print it out you can. These are from different sources, some downloaded over the years, some ripped from DVDs by me, so the quality varies from track to track. But I don’t think anything here sounds too horrible. The songs from Slumber Party Massacre and Sleepaway Camp were supplied by “Dusk” from a forum I visit. I intended to post the poor quality versions I had, but he had better quality versions, so thanks if you’re reading this.

Okay, I’ve laid this out with the movie title, then song title and performer. Some of these I wasn’t sure on, so if you catch any errors please leave a comment and let me know. The tracks are not numbered in the rar file, so this layout is just how I ended up putting them, so if you don’t like the track lineup you get the joy of making your own.

1. The Blob 1988 - Brave New World by Alien
2. The Monster Squad - Rock Until You Drop by Michael Sembello
3. Hamburger: The Motion Picture - No idea what this is called, or who does it. I’d imagine it would be “Hamburgers For America” so lets go with that.
4. Faceless - Faceless by Vincenzo Thoma
5. Zombie 4: After Death - Living After Death by Al Festa
6. Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan - The Darkest Side of the Night by Metropolis
7. Sleepaway Camp 2 - Desperate to Survive by Obsession
8. Night of the Demons - The Beast Inside by Dennis Tenney (Director Kevin Tenney’s brother!)
9. Bubba Ho-Tep - End Credits by Brian Tyler
10. Better Off Dead - With One Look
11. Azumi - Negai by Mina Ganaha
12. Slumber Party Massacre 2 - If Only by Wednesday Week
13. Back to School - Dead Man’s Party by Oingo Boingo
14. Revenge of the Nerds - Tri-Lamb Rap by The Nerds
15. C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud - Bud the Chud by Kipp Lennon (not 100% on this one)
16. Brazil - Brazil theme by Geoff Muldaur
17. House on the Edge of the Park - Sweetly by Riz Ortolani and Diana Corsini
18. Parents - Flying Purple People Eater by Sheb Wooley


Notes on some of the tracks:
The Blob - Alien; Brave New Love - This plays over the end credits. The Blob was one of the trilogy of great and incredibly gory remakes of the 1980’s (John Carpenter’s The Thing and David Cronenberg’s The Fly being the films that complete that informal trilogy) I don’t care for remakes much but I could watch any of those three at any given time over and over and never tire of them. What did they do so right that remakes these days do so wrong? It’s a mystery.

The Monster Squad - This song plays over the montage of The Monster Squad preparing for the big battle against Dracula and his Universal monster pals. Ripped from a DVD-R, this one was transferred from an old Laserdisc. So sound quality isn’t the best.

Hamburger: The Motion Picture - This movie is undeniably completely and utterly terrible, but I've owned the movie since I was 8 so it's among my favorite bad comedies. Those of you familiar with Just One of the Guys who manage to find a copy of Hamburger will enjoy seeing Kevin from that film as Russell, Hamburger U’s recuperating horndog in search of a degree. Also notable for being John Lovitz's first film appearance. The song here may have been done by whoever did the theme to the sitcom Step by Step. It's cheesiness is right up there along those lines. The sound quality on this is a bit rough, it was ripped from a DVD I had a friend make from my dilapidated VHS from like 1989.

Bubba Ho-Tep - There’s a kinda medley of several different pieces of music from the film played over the end credits, that is what I’ve put up here.

Friday the 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan - Plays over the end credits, has some announcer guy from the movie over the beginning of the song. If anyone has a longer version of this one please come forward with it.

Sheb Wooley - Flying Purple People Eater; Okay, this song is in about 40 movies, but I put it on here because it plays over the end credits of one of my favorite movies, Bob Balaban’s criminally underrated film Parents. The film is very creepy and very awesome, check it out if you get a chance.

Okay, that about does it. I have a bunch of random movie music, like the theme to the film The Washing Machine and several other Italian and not so Italian horror films. Any interest in another compilation like this with those? Most of them were ripped by me from DVDs a couple years back.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Claudio Simonetti - Opera

Here is the soundtrack to the Dario Argento film Opera, or Terror at the Opera as it was known on the US VHS release. One of my favorite Argento films, and also features one of my favorite death scenes, as morbid as that sounds to say. If you've seen the film you know which scene I'm talking about, it involves a peephole and a phone, and it is awesome. I ripped this myself from the CD that was included with the Limited Edition DVD put out by Anchor Bay Entertainment. I hope you enjoy my emo-tastic font I added to the image above. It's cool because you can't really read it. That's how the kids like their fonts these days.

Claudio Simonetti was responsible for the music in the film, but the soundtrack does feature two bad Grim Reaper-like metal songs by Steel Grave, one called Steel Grave, and the other called Knights of the Night. Knights of the Night, which apart from having the dumbest title I've ever heard, also features a blatant ripoff of the main riff of Iron Maiden's 2 Minutes To Midnight. I guess Steel Grave was an usigned Italian band who was around at the time the movie was being made because I can't find any information at all on them.

1. Opera (02:23)
Claudio Simonetti
2. Crows (02:44)
Claudio Simonetti
3. Impending Danger (01:47)
Claudio Simonetti
4. Confusion (03:28)
Claudio Simonetti
5. Steel Grave (03:13)
Steel Grave
6. Cosmo (03:48)
Claudio Simonetti
7. Knights of the Night (02:50)
Steel Grave
8. Crows (03:11)
Claudio Simonetti
9. Days of Confusion (03:53)
Claudio Simonetti
10. Impending Danger (01:48)
Claudio Simonetti
11. Opera (04:35)
12. Albinoni in Rock (04:43)
Claudio Simonetti
13. I'll Take the Night (05:12)
Claudio Simonetti
14. To Frederica (03:10)
Claudio Simonetti

Friday, November 10, 2006

Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episode 913: Quest of the Delta Knights

The latest addition to the MST3K collection. Here is the winner of the poll I put up, Episode 913 - Quest of the Delta Knights. Interesting episode in that Pearl switches places with Mike for a while. So Pearl joins Tom and Crow in the theater while Mike is stuck with Bobo and Brain Guy. To someone who wasn't familiar with the show that might be one of the dumbest sentences they've ever read. The director of the "film" actually just recently did the sequel to Behind Enemy Lines, which I think makes him one of the few directors of a film featured on MST3K who is still working today. Granted Delta Knights was only made about 13 years ago, where most of the films on the show were made quite some time before.

Moving on. Same as usual here, split into 3 parts, each on Megaupload. You need all three parts to be able to watch the episode. If anyone is interested I have a cover for it, leave a comment and I will put it up.

Delta Part 1
Delta Part 2
Delta Part 3

The Vikings in this movie don't vike very well.

Okay Episode 913 of Mystery Science Theater 3000 - The Quest of the Delta Knights just barely beat out The Violent Years, so Delta Knights will be the next episode featured on the site. And since The Violent Years was also high in the running that will probably be the next one I'll put up. Look for Delta Knights either later on tonight or tomorrow. They take a while to upload, so it might be tomrrow before I have it up.

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Session 9 - Original Score

Here is the score to one of my favorite films, Session 9. The music was done the Climax Golden Twins. Not sure who they are, and I don't think they've done another other cinematic scoring, but they do a bang up job on this one. Session 9 is one of the few movies to actually scare the bejesus out of me. I was really freaked out and jumpy the rest of the night. Really, it scared the hell out of me. The scene where the character who suffers from nyctophobia is being "chased" by the darkness as the power goes out is one of my favorite scenes of any movie ever.

This came out when I first started working for the world's most beloved video store chain, Blockbuster. For the first few months after the movie came out I was like that particular Blockbuster's own Session 9 publicist. I tried to get anyone who came in and asked for a good movie to rent it. (Of course suggesting a movie like this to the general movie going public is not such a good idea. Really customers asking for video store employees to suggest anything to them isn't a good idea either. A person you've never met and who isn't familiar with your personal movie taste is probably not going to have a good shot at picking something you'll like. I remember a guy actually yelled at me for suggesting Amelie one time. Asshole.) I only actually got a few people to watch Session 9, but those that did came out fans afterwards.

The score is genuinely unsettling and eerie, even if you don't like the movie the score is an essential addition to your collection.

1. A Few Simple Up & Down Jerks 2. Hobbes Theme 3. Noon, About Noon 4. I Live in the Gut 5. Mortified Pride 6. Exit Plan 7. I Want to Talk to Amy 8. I Saw You 9. Ward A 10. Seclusion 11. Disappointed Expectations 12. Piece of Tape Recorder

Okay, I'll try and add a Filesend link later, damn site won't let me upload right now. Rapidshare link, you know how it works, download this one soon or it might be deleted before you get a chance.

Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead. A Romantic Comedy. I think.

The time is almost upon us. Troma's zombiefied chicken-people musical epic is finally almost just about ready to be released. At least I think so. Maybe sometime in December, I heard about this thing over a year ago. Anyway after watching the trailer I can say it looks exactly like you would think a movie called Poultrygeist would look. If nothing else, that is a damn fine title. Either way, I thought this little banner was fun:

Support POULTRYGEIST! The Latest Theatrical Release from Troma Entertainment Studios!

Please note, this is just a quick filler post until today's music uploads. But until then click on the link above...if you dare! Also, it might be fun to check the archives here and see how many times I've made that same basic "...if you dare!" joke since I started. You might be suprised.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The Birthday Massacre

I've become obsessed with this band recently, I listen to them pretty much daily. Hopefully I can turn at least one other person onto them. They have a bit of a gothy, poppy, new wavey kinda sound that I really enjoy. The vocals in the verse for this song are a bit unusual, but the chorus is awesome. Enjoy!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Marine - A Retrospective

What the hell, I’m bored, I just saw The Marine, like 3 weeks ago. I meant to write this several weeks ago. Anyway, review time? Keep in mind, I, The Phelpster, have no actual experience in the field of movie critiquing. However poorly written this might be, there has to be a review out there somewhere worse than this. So here we go.

It’s time for another popular WWE (where the hell is the “E” in the WWE logo, by the way?) wrestler to make his feature film debut. First it was Kane in See No Evil. Now it’s Grandmaster John Cena in The Marine. He raps, you know.

John plays a constantly dumbfounded looking beefcake who kind of resembles a really huge steroid injected version of what the love-child of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck might look like. John plays a character named…wait for it…John. A very brief plot summary: John Triton (Cena) is an ex-Marine who was kicked out for being just too much of a badass. Shouldn’t the movie be called The Ex-Marine? John’s wife, (Kelly Carlson) is kidnapped by Rome (Robert Patrick) and his unprofessional band of nitwit goons. John hunts down said goons to save his wife. If your wife looked like Kelly Carlson you’d do a little goon bounty hunting yourself.

In the first few minutes of the movie John is demoted from Marine to regular-ass guy. For some reason having to be stuck at home with his perfect looking wife just burns this guy’s ass. He immediately takes and is subsequently fired from a security job. Again, for being just too much of a bad ass. In short, this guy is a badass. So finally after much nagging from his wife, the two set off on a trip to…somewhere in South Carolina, apparently. They never really say where, or hell, maybe they did and I just wasn’t listening. I just know it wasn’t the beach as a zinger later in the movie clues us in on.

Meanwhile, somewhere nearby the plot is being set into motion. Rome (the guy, not the city) and his gang pull off some kind of elaborate diamond heist. They completely blow it like 2 minutes later by blowing up a police car. Hey, we’re walking to our car after stealing millions in diamonds, but the cops don’t have a description of any of us yet, let’s blow up a squad car in the middle of the street in broad daylight. That’ll help. The next day while Rome is filling up their stolen car with gas (which I assume they also intended to steal) and the gang is inside getting snacks for the trip, a couple of suspicious cops driving some kind of weird-ass abundantly-sirened Cop-Vette pull up. Rome and his half-assed posse aren’t too suave. They kinda have a way of drawing attention to themselves. Usually while blowing something up or killing officers of the law. By the way, aside from Robert Patrick , this gang consist of his hot girlfriend and a stereotypical trio of wacky black guy, hunky foreign guy and nerdy white guy. These dumb bastards end up killing the cops, then steal the car with The Marine’s wife since theirs was damaged in the shootout, and manage to blow up the entire gas station with The Marine himself lying unconscious inside. John, of course lives through the first of many huge explosions he’s in the midst of. He hops in the Copvette (which I could’ve sworn had tires blown out moments earlier) and the heat is on.

John and his raging nipples of fury will stop at nothing to get his lovely and equally dumbfounded looking wife out of T-1000’s diabolical clutches. He’ll operate any vehicle, kick any ass, dive out of any exploding building. By my count, there were no less than 4 scenes featuring ridiculously over the top building explosions with Cena jumping slow motion out of harm’s way and screaming. You know, screaming in a manly way, he’s not some kinda pussy. That’s pretty much the movie, after that it’s just John on a mission to save his woman. Some people will live, some people will die (you’ll know the outcome before the previews before the actual movie end). It’s very loud and dumb, but it’s not trying to be anything but.

The whole thing was a learning experience for me really. I learned if I’m ever driving a car while under heavy fire coming from numerous machine guns I’ll be okay if I just duck. I learned just because a couple tires on a car get shot out doesn’t mean they’ll stay that way the whole time. I learned that stories involving rock candy and pubescent summer camp rape can be humorous.

Complaints aside, it’s just the right combination of completely retarded and really loud to be pretty damn entertaining. At least once. Don’t think this is a DVD purchase situation, but I wasn’t asking for my money back afterwards. You will completely forget almost everything the second it’s over, but it’s fun while it lasts. It’s pretty much Commando, John Cena even wears face paint similar to Schwarzenegger’s in Commando. So if you are a fan of the big dumb, highly illogical and unrealistic action films of the 80’s give this one a look. For me it was 9 dollars….spent.

On a side note, this was the second WWE film (they make films now, you know) I’ve seen. The first being See No Evil. One thing WWE Films seems to have down, they both contain one standout spectacular death scene with one of the female characters being brutally, savagely, yet hilariously killed. They seem to be onto something I guess.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Rejected Hellraiser Music by Coil

This is kind of a weird one. Clive Barker and the band Coil were friends and they did a few tracks for Hellraiser. These were later rejected for being “too scary” according to someone, but I don’t think they are any more frightening than what they used in the actual movie. Less so actually.

Free Image Hosting at

To prevent any photos of threeway action being posted on my site for “stealing” from another site, like with the H.G. Lewis picture, I will say now that this description is swiped from

“The first 3 tracks (Side A) are taken from Coil's soundtrack to the Clive Barker film "Hellraiser" which was rejected by the film studio. The remainder of the tracks (side B) are a selection of short peices that were commissioned for use as music for advertisements on British television. They also appear on the anthology release Unnatural History III under the group title of "Music For Commercials”

So it’s really only 3 actual tracks rejected from Hellraiser. The rest is just other stuff, but it’s pretty good nonetheless. I prefer the Christopher Young score, it’s very epic sounding, but the rejected music is still pretty cool to hear.

Box Theme
Main Title
Airline 1
Video Recorder
Airline 2
Natural Gas
Cosmetic 1
Cosmetic 2
Road Surface
Accident Insurance

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Do I look like someone who cares what God thinks?

Daniel Licht's score to Hellraiser: Bloodline. From the director of Hellraiser IV: Bloodline, comes Hellraiser IV: Bloodline. One of the many "Villain in Space for no reason" films. Other smash hits to utilize the space angle being Leprechaun in Space, Jason X and uh, Critters 4. If nothing else Bloodline is at least ambitious and gruesome. Kinda like the Back to the Future trilogy, out of order in one movie with demons and some kinda Black Metal dog.

The film features two actors with Seinfeld appearances on their resumes. Pam from The Soul Mate episode and Phil from The Strongbox episode. If you watch the movie look out for them and be mildly amused for a moment before you realize "Holy shit, I'm watching Hellraiser: Bloodline." Seriously, what the hell was the deal with that dog? If Demonaz from Immortal had a dog....
Immortal + Benny Hill = Pants-pissing hilarity

I just saw this posted on the Horrordvds forum and found it to be one of the funniest things I've seen in quite some time. Thought I'd share. I'm a black metal fan and all, but this is too funny.

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Sleep, those little slices of death, how I loathe them.

Here's another of the Nightmare soundtracks. My personal favorite, Angelo Badalamenti's score to Chuck Russel's Nightmare on Elm Street 3: The Dream Warriors. Starring Patricia Arquette and Larry Fishburne among a bunch of other people, including one guy who looks like Bill Maher. Oh, and of course, John Saxon. In this one Freddy morphs into a huge snake, a year later a similar scene takes place in Beetlejuice. Coincidence? Probably. Freddy also morphs into a TV, a bathroom sink, a puppet and a hot topless nurse, so needless to say the man likes to mix things up a bit.

1. Opening (01:50)
2. Puppet Walk (03:18)
3. Save The Children (01:25)
4. Taryn's Deepest Fear (03:05)
5. Deceptive Romance (01:45)
6. Snake Attack (01:56)
7. Magic Butterfly (01:20)
Last track of side 1 of LP
8. The Embrace (00:42)
9. Quiet Room / Wheelchair / Icy Bones (02:41)
10. Rumbling Room (01:15)
11. Dreamspace (00:46)
12. The Dream House (01:50)
13. Is Freddy Gone? / Trouble Starting / Prime Time TV / Icy Window (04:32)
14. Grave Walk (01:11)
15. Nursery Theme (01:55)
16. Lights Out (01:00)

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

MST3K The Beast of Yucca Flats - Review

Another out by Shout Factory, links gone

It's MST3K time again. I went with the Tor Johnson epic The Beast of Yucca Flats. Because the only thing worse than a Tor Johnson on the loose, is an Atomic Tor Johnson on the loose. I think The Atomic Tor Johnson is actually a name for one of those weird sexual acts, like Abe Lincoln, or Dirty Sanchez. If it's not, I call dibs on the name and I get to come up with the position and ground rules. Moving on. This is one of the three of Francis Coleman's "films" featured on the show over the years. They also did Red Zone Cuba and The Skydivers, which pretty much sums up his entire craptacular Directorial career. If nothing else, the man was consistent. In the film Tor Johnson, who I think is supposed to be Russian since his name is Javorsky, gets transformed into an "Atomic Superman"! No, wait. Wrong movie. He's just a big atomic, kind of melted guy who kills people on and around Coleman Francis Mountain. That's more or less it. Oh, some girl gets strangled at the beginning by...someone. Your guess is as good as mine regarding who exactly performed this strangulation and why.

This episode features two of my favorite shorts ever; MONEY TALKS! and PROGRESS ISLAND, U.S.A. I hope they’ll become two of yours as well. If not, well, not my fault. I tried. But seriously the 2nd short, the one on "Puerto Rico", is brilliant. Puerto Rico which, of course loosly translated (if translated completely incorrectly) means "Progress Island". Hence the title. Or something.

If anyone has any decent quality images, or screenshots or whatever from the movie I'd appreciate it, I want to do a cover for this one but I can't find anything decent to use for the front cover. Even a decent Tor Johnson in non monster-form photo will work since he's a non-monster briefly in this.

Flag on the moon....

Saturday, October 14, 2006

I Was A Teenage Zombie

Here's the soundtrack to the 1987 film I Was A Teenage Zombie - starring Allen Rickman! Okay, not the Die Hard guy, but I am sure I made at least 3 of you stop and try and remember Alan Rickman's part in the movie before realizing Die Hard Rickman spells his name differently. IWATZ is certainly on the lower end of the zombie spectrum, however it does have a zombie so it has that going for it. Sometimes that's all it takes. It was clearly made on a painfully low budget, however the soundtrack is actually pretty good and has real bands like The Smithereens, Violent Femmes and Los Lobos.

1. i was a teenage zombie theme (02:20)
performed by: the Fleshtones
2. have you forgotten (03:52)
performed by: the Del Fuegos
3. neverland (02:04)
performed by: the Db's
4. halloween (06:29)
performed by: the Dream Syndicate
5. good feeling (03:49)
performed by: Violent Femmes
6. i know what boys like (03:11)
performed by: the Waitresses
7. time and time again (03:04)
performed by: the Smithereens
8. why do you do (02:17)
performed by: Los Lobos
9. stuff (04:56)
performed by: Alex Chilton
10. vibrato in the grotto (02:34)
performed by: Ben Vaughn Group
11. nobody knows where loves goes (04:10)
performed by: Bob Pfeifer

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Now I'm playing with power!

This came out back when The Goo Goo Dolls were on Metal Blade records. Always kinda confused me. Yep, Cannibal Corpse, Mercyful Fate, uh, The Goo Goo Dolls. Anyway, I think this is up there with Part 2 as the most disliked of the Nightmare films. I personally like it. It's a bad movie, sure, but it's so bizarre I find it hard not to like. It had some very cool stuff randomly throughout the movie if you toughed it out and paid attention. Like the audio going out when the guy gets his hearing aide ripped off, the Johnny Depp drug commercial, Alice Cooper as Freddy's father, and of course, the highpoint, Breckin Meyer dying. Those elements are a recipe for sucess in my book. Hell, if Garfield had Breckin involved in an unfortunate chainsaw related accident or if he fell victim to a zombie attack I might've even bought a copy. But I digress...

1. I'm Awake Now - Goo Goo Dolls
2. Everything Remains The Same - Junk Monkeys
3. You Know What I Mean - Goo Goo Dolls
4. Remember The Night - Johnny Law
5. Treat 'Em Right - Chubb Rock
6. Why Was I Born? (Freddy's Dead) - Iggy Pop
7. Hold Me Down - Johnny Law
8. Two Days In February - Goo Goo Dolls
9. Give Me A Beat - Young Lords
10. Nothing Left To Say - Fates Warning

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

The Fat Boys - All Meat, No Filler

In my ongoing quest to make sure you guys never know what the hell is going to be posted next, I present everyone's favorite gluttonous rhyme-busters, The Fat Boys. This is All Meat, No Filler - The Best of the Fat Boys. Why was I not called when they named this? I would've demanded it be called The Fat Boys Phatest Hits, it's so obvious I'm amazed they didn't realize it.

While listening to this and giggling I noticed it's actually not half bad. Although one could argue the cover for this thing should be on some kind of "Worst Ever" list. It's kinda sloppy looking. Also, shouldn't The Fat Boys be bigger than that TV dinner? Looks like it should be called "Honey, I Shrunk The Fat Boys".

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Mystery Science Theater on The Morgue?

I've noticed online that outside of torrent sites there don't seem to be any sites to download Mystery Science Theater epiodes. Sometimes the torrent sites work great, but sometimes you just don't get the damn things to finish. I have some of the unreleased episodes I would probably be able to post on here, is there any interest out there from anyone for .avi files of some of the unreleased episodes?

The episodes I have are mostly from the DAP, and I think it's cool to post those other places, unless someone knows otherwise. Or maybe there is a site out there that puts them up on Rapidshare or Megaupload and I'm just not looking hard enough. Either way, reply to this if you're interested in the idea. I'll have to see what all I have to post, I know I have Future War, Clonus and probably about 20 others.

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Carlos D'Alessio - Delicatessen

This marks post #100 on The Morgue, for those of you keeping track. Which I think would pretty much just be me, so nevermind. Anyway for this "special" occasion I'm going with Carlos D'Alessio's score to the 1991 film Delicatessen.

I've always been fond of cannibalism themed comedy or horror/comedy for some reason. I never really cared for most of the Italian cannibal films, Cannibal Holocaust and Cannibal Apocalypse (Saxon!) aside, but give me something like Delicatessen or Bob Balaban's Parents and I will be one happy bastard. I think Delicatessen and Parents would make the perfect double feature, in fact I may have to try it out myself tonight and test my theory. Parents is actually quite a bit darker and more frightening than people seem to think though, so maybe it would be a little uneven after all.

1. DELICATESSEN Generique debut (02:38)
2. TIKA TIKA WALK (02:43)
3. LES BULLES (02:55)
4. BAISER SOUS L'EAU (03:30)
5. LA VALISE (02:40)
6. DUO (02:30)
7. CIRCUS DELIRE (02:17)
H. Manzi - M. Mores
10. BONGO BOLERO (03:12)
Mc.Intire - S.Larry - W. Joseph
J. Cesare
16. DELICATESSEN generique Fin (05:07)

Friday, September 22, 2006

Freddy's Greatest Hits

Okay, this is godawful, but my complete amazement that such a thing exists compelled me to share it. This is Freddy's Greatest Hits by the Elm Street Group. The Elm Street Group is apparently just some random girl singer singing over super cheesy music while Freddy occasionally says something in the background. Freddy's kinda there for moral support I guess, he just sorta pops up to yell out random things during the songs. Thing's like "I'm Freddy and this is for you!", or "Awww, did you miss Freddy?" He also laughs alot, like he's auditioning for that part in the song Master of Puppets or something. The music is so cheesy I kept waiting for Freddy to get all excited and yell out "Say it, sister!" or something equally ridiculously stupid.

This is one of the most baffling things I've ever come across. Who in the hell was this intended for? Freddy fans wouldn't have listened to music like this, and people who did listen to music like this wouldn't have wanted Freddy talking over parts of it. Check out the Wooly Bully cover, worst thing ever. Freddy starts yelling "Yeah! Now, watch it! Watch it!" at the end, I nearly died. As bad as this thing is I actually like "Obsession" and "Don't Sleep" a little bit.

01. Do the Freddy
02. Obsession
03. Wooly Bully
04. Don't Sleep
05. In the Midnight Hour
06. Dance or Else
07. All I Have to Do is Dream
08. Down in the Boiler Room
09. Elm Street Dreams

Stop! Hammer Time!

Monday, September 18, 2006

Black Christmas remake. There is no God.

The picture above is terrifying, isn't it? It's from the upcoming Black Christmas remake, and I’m not too happy about it. Well Lacey Chabert is never bad to look at, so I'm happy about that, I mean I'm not happy about the remake. It’s not gonna ruin my day, or affect me really in any way, but still. The real Black Christmas is one of my favorite movies, one of the only that I actually find scary. I was thinking about this earlier today after seeing a commercial for some new Fox show, Black Christmas is the only movie I've seen that had a "threatening caller" whose voice was actually frightening. Listen to the guy in the Scream movies, he sounds like some cheesy DJ, one of the really sleazy sounding ones that come on late at night. The voice is Black Christmas is genuinely scary. It sounds like the caller is just absolutely fucking nuts, like he has multiple personalities, and they all want to wear coats made out of human flesh and eat dogs. It’s demonic almost. No way they can top that.

I'm not totally against remakes. The Thing, The Fly and The Blob are among my favorite movies, but those movies had balls. Aside from The Hills Have Eyes or maybe Texas Chainsaw Massacre, horror remakes these days are almost like family films. They’ve all been kinda "blah" lately as far as I'm concerned. What was the point of When a Stranger Calls? All I got from that one is that while Camilla Belle is really hot dry, she's even hotter when she's wet. That and that track stars get winded running 100 feet from a house to a guest house. Aside from a slightly brutal (like Lifetime network brutal) bit of ass kicking at the very end there was not a whole lot going on. I personally got more of a kick out of yelling “Roy!” at the screen when the guy from The Office appeared than I did from the movie. It wasn’t completely terrible, it was just sorta there. That’s how all of these remakes are, just sorta there.

The main thing that pisses me off about a remake of a movie I like is I have to refer to it as "the original" when I talk about it. Instead of saying Black Christmas is one of my favorite movies, I now have to say "The original Black Christmas, not the shitty remake." Or "The original Dawn of the Dead." Then you have to read high school kids on message boards talk about how lame the “old one” is, when most of these kids don’t even pay attention and actually watch the damn movies they pay to see anymore anyway. They show up, talk to each other, goof off, use their phones, absolutely anything else they can do to not pay attention to the movie they’re seeing.

Who knows, it might be good. The director is Glen Morgan, whose only other feature was Willard, which I thought was actually pretty good. But not great. It was like Tim Burton’s remake of Mousehunt set in the Addams Family house or something. Andrea Martin is in the cast, who was in, here I go already "the original" Black Christmas, so that's something. I don’t know, I don’t hold high hopes for this one. By the way, John Saxon is still alive, why in the holy hell couldn’t they find him a part? He better at least have a small uncredited cameo or something or I’m gonna be pissed. Anyway it comes out this Christmas, so instead of spending the day with your family, go see some sorority girls get iced instead.


Related Posts with Thumbnails