Thursday, August 31, 2006

I saw a girl fly through the sky.....and I looked up her skirt.

Okay, I'm inadvertantly continuing my "Soundtracks that Rock!" theme. Today we have (and by "we have" I mean "I have") Gummo. I think this one really counts more as a "soundtrack that makes you want to bang your head against the wall and smash things" type thing here, but either way. The soundtrack for this demented trash-art film has bands like Absu, Mortician, Sleep, Bathory, Eyehategod and of course Mischa Maisky with Suite No.2 For Solo Cello In D Minor-Prelude.
Mortician is a band that's always frustrated me. The sample parts are really all they have going for them. In fact their last album had more sample than actual music. But with a little effort they could be much better. I always thought they should lose some of the really fast parts, and focus on more on the occasional groove they hit upon because honestly those "blast" parts or whatever all sound exactly the same to me. Maybe they should even tune the guitars up a bit, low is good, but this is like scary low. It's ridiculous. Anyway, this is not a "What's wrong with Mortician" post, so here's your tracklist:

1. The Gold Torques Of Ulaid - Absu
2. Serving Time In The Middle Of Nowhere - Eyehategod
3. D.W.S.O.B. - Electric Hellfire Club
4. Gummo Love Theme - Spazz
5. Schuld Uns'res Knoch'rigen Faltpferd - Bethlehem
6. Rundgang um die transzendentale Saule - Burzum
7. Equimanthorn - Bathory
8. Smokin' Husks - Dark Noerd
9. Dragonaut - Sleep
10. Matando Gueros 97 - Brujeria
11. The Medicined Man - Namamax
12. Hellish Blasphemy - Nifelheim
13. Skin Peeler - Mortician
14. Give The Human Devil His Due - Mystifier
15. Mom's And Dad's Pussy - Destroy All Monsters
16. Verschierte Irrelgiositat - Bethlehem
17. Suite No.2 For Solo Cello In D Minor-Prelude - Mischa Maisky
18. Some Grass - Sleep
19. Jesus Loves Me - Rose Shepherd, Ellen M. Smith

But really, Mortician, if you're out there, more groove, dammit.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Welcome to New York

This is a limited edition soundtrack of both Friday the 13th pt. 7 and Friday the 13th pt. 8. Here's the info I have on this one: "New digital recordings of the original scores from the motion pictures FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 7: THE NEW BLOOD and FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 8: JASON TAKES MANHATTAN, starring Kane Hodder as Jason Voorhees, everyone's favorite camp counselor from Camp Crystal Lake, featuring music composed and performed by Fred Mollin (FOREVER KNIGHT, FRIDAY THE 13TH: THE TV SERIES)."

Yes, Jason was a camp counselor, that's accurate.

Part 7 was fun, one of my favorites even. I thought the Carrie girl vs. Jason angle was pretty entertaining because it gave someone a chance to try and mentally kick his ass with objects, instead of just shooting at him 4 times, realizing he's not phased at all, then shooting at him several more times. (See the rapist guy in part 8 for an example)

Part 8 introduced the Jason road trip idea , taking Jason on a fun little vacation. To New York City, for like, I don't know, about 12 minutes or so. I don't know if I'd count that as "taking Manhattan". He killed what, 3 or 4 New Yorkers? 2 of them being rapists. So really, not such a bad guy after all. Even showing a slight sense of humor by scaring some hooligans by lifting his mask to reveal his hideous face. It just goes to show that even a zombified mass murderer whose only goal in the afterlife is to kill the hell out of as many people as possible for no real reason likes to have a good time once in a while.

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Snakes on a Plane - A Retrospective

I saw this on Tuesday, and now you're gonna hear about it. Unless you don't want to. Then just skip to the next post and download some music. There are minor spoilers in my review, but nothing that happens in this movie really matters, so it shouldn't spoil the fun.

I initially tried boycotting this movie. But my friend called and asked me to see it, and I'm bored out of my mind these days so I was in. My boycott lasted a total of about 4 days. I had several reasons for my intended boycott. One it looks like it would be an attempt at intentional camp, which a movie like The Lost Skeleton of Cadavera shows us, can be painful. It's not really like that, really just a intentionally funny movie that actually succeeded in being funny during most of it's attempts. Another thing is Samuel L. Jackson. I like L, I do. But he's one of those actors who usually stars in things I have absolutely no interest in seeing. For example, Freedomland, The Man, The new Star Wars movies, Coach Carter, xXx, S.W.A.T., Twisted, Basic, Formula 51, etc. And those are all from the last 4 years. I've not seen really any of them so that's not a comment on their quality, I'm just saying I have no interest in them, so I figured this would sorta fit in with his streak of mediocrity he seems to be stuck in. But I actually rather enjoyed it. I will certainly purchase the Motherf*#@in’ Snakes Edition DVD that will come out even. And I assure you it will be called that. Although the Turn This Big Motherf*#@er Left Edition would be much funnier.


The plot is initially actually ridiculously complicated for a movie that later features a 45 minute stretch of people screaming and running back and forth on a plane while all sorts of snakes attack them. Followed by a good 15 minutes where the snakes take a breather and don’t attack shit. Thank god that raft was that exact size!

It starts with dumb looking guy Sean in Hawaii riding a dirt bike around a mountain for several minutes like the opening of some kind of goddamn Magnum P.I. episode or something. While stopping in the woods to take a Red Bull break and have a look-see around he runs into a man. A man who is hanging upside down by his feet. This man urges Sean to get out of there before it‘s too late. He abides by this request and runs off and hides behind a bush. While there he witnesses mobster Eddie Kim beat the dangling dude to death with a baseball bat. Why do so many movie people have immediate access to a bat? I don't have a bat. Of course Sean’s a dumbass (and believe me when I say he looks dumb. Seriously, I bet this guy even smells dumb) and he gets himself heard while running away from the scene of the crime. Fearing Sean opening his mouth, Eddie Kim sends his hired goons to kill the only living witness. I've noticed there is also no shortage of hired goons in movies. Is there an agency where failed bouncers are trained to goon? Anyway, of course Federal Agent Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson, who will always be “Hold-Up Man” to me) saves his ass just in the nick of time. Neville forces him to fly to Los Angeles to testify against Eddie Kim. You'll never guess what's on the plane. I know that's not really all that complicated, but given that this all happens literally within the first 8 minutes, it's a decent amount of plot to get through.

I'll stop the plot description there, because that's about it really. You know where it goes from there. It’s an incredibly dumb movie, but it’s also really damn funny. And not like an Ed Wood sort of “man what a piece of shit, this is hilarious” funny, Snakes actually tries to be funny and hits the mark on most occasions. Not only that, apart from being really stupid it is actually pretty well made and the acting isn’t bad either. Save a few bad dramatic parts. Kenan from Good Burger was actually pretty funny (despite looking like a big ass pumpkin in that orange shirt) and it’s still fun to see David Koechner (who is in absolutely everything these days. It’s like he’s trying to out “Samuel L. Jackson” Samuel L. Jackson.) Did anyone else think the one cop looked like a skinny version of Robert from Everybody Loves Raymond? So sure it’s fun, but it’s also even a bit educational. I learned snakes don’t like being urinated on, they do like female nipples and I even learned that if I ever need some poisonous snakes there is a such thing as a poisonous snake dealer.

The only major problem I had was with the famous “line”. You know the one. I somehow have not seen a trailer for this movie, but I’ve seen so much about it online that the line was old to me about a month ago. So of course when he says it I was just sitting there stonewalling the screen, but the audience, as expected went nuts. Laughs, clapping. An old black woman jumped up out of her seat and yelled something. That could’ve just been her having some kind of fit though, who knows. That’s really just my opinion on that, it’s like that awful “Yeah baby, yeah.” craze that swept the nation several years ago, but this happened before the movie even came out. Speaking of Mike Myers, where the hell is he? Did he die?

Anyway, I hate to give ratings to something, because I feel so many factors affect a rating. Mood, theater temperature, theater patron obnoxiousness, being uncomfortable due to having to pee, being hungry, being sleepy. All of these things can alter one’s views on a movie. But since I’m not exactly gifted in the writing department I’m sure some of you stopped reading at about the third failed humor attempt into it and scrolled down to see some type of rating, so here goes.

I’d say despite it being dumber than that one guy in the movie looked it’s a solid 7/10.

Friday, August 25, 2006

Bizarre Freaks and Exploding Hookers!

I am making what I feel is my greatest post here at The Morgue. I know I've put smiles on a lot of people's faces by sharing soundtracks to a lot of classic films like The Shining and Videodrome (and of course the ultimate cinematic experience, Return of the Living Dead.) But I don't think anything can prepare any of you for Joe Renzetti's soundtrack to the films Basket Case 2 and....wait for it.... Frankenhooker!

Basket Case 2 is a film that actually scares me, as weird as that sounds. It's the creature designs more than the actual movie. They were clearly designed on a low budget, but I think the cheapness adds to the overall creepiness of them.

And of course myself and anyone deranged enough to frequent The Morgue will recognize Frankenhooker as one of the all time great undead prostitute films. It's got all the elements. A killer Lawn Mower. Super Crack. Exploding Hookers. A Pimp named Zorro. Bunions. It's actually not a very gruesome movie. I mean sure theres a scene where like ten hookers explode, but it's so funny you fail to notice at the time. It's really quite romantic comedy-ish most of the time. But like good 80's Cusack romantic comedy, not current romantic comedy. Seriously, see it with someone you love.

1. I'm Pregnant,I'm Dead (03:33)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
2. Granny At Freaks Tent (02:54)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
3. Barbecue (02:18)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti and Robert Sands
4. Original Main Titles (not used in final version of film) (02:22)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
5. Out Of Hospital (01:39)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
6. Out Of Window (01:49)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
7. The Big Escape (03:38)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
8. Room Of Memories (02:17)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
9. In The Attic (03:20)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
10. Granny Meeting (04:24)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
11. In Love (01:55)
from "Basket Case 2" by Joe Renzetti
12. Main Titles (04:11)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti
13. Lookin' For Hookers (03:10)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti and Robert Sands
14. Jeffrey And Parts (04:35)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti
15. The Creation (03:59)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti
16. The Eyeball / Happy Day (02:34)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti
17. Jeffrey Fixes Elisabeth (03:18)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti
18. Zoro Killing (03:58)
from "Frankenhooker" by Joe Renzetti

My god. Bunions!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Hey Pinnochio, where are you goin'?

I just found the picture below. I'm using it because I feel everyone in the picture is making the best face of their respective careers. Especially Bruce Dern. Dammit that's funny.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

FedEx can NOT ship human corpses?

I was going over the list of stuff FedEx can't ship at work tonight and found this part quite hilarious:

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What the hell?? Who is showing up with a dead guy at a FedEx location trying to ship him somewhere? "Um, yeah I just killed this guy and thought he'd like to be buried in his home town. He's got a family plot and all, is there a form I need to fill out?" It had to happen at least once for them to add it to the list. Well, not necessarily a murder victim shipping attempt, but someone had to have tried to ship some type of dead person at some point, at least part of them. And you just know the guy trying to ship the dearly departed had to give whoever refused to ship the body shit about not letting him ship it.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Jet Black Berries - Desperate Fires

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This is Jet Black Berries 1986 album Desperate Fires. I love these guys, but there's not too much information floating around out there about them. They were on the Return of the Living Dead soundtrack, and were known as New Math either before and/or after being known as Jet Black Berries. Hopefully someone out there can fill me on, so I can stop sounding like a total idiot on this post. I think the first two tracks are a bit on the average side, but things pick up after that. I recommend "The Hardest Thing", one of my favorite songs. If anyone knows where to find their album Animal Necessity, let me know. I can't find that one anywhere.

1. Fatherly Advice
2. Kid Alaska
3. So Hard To Leave
4. Long Distance 5. Tomb Of Love
6. The Flesh Element
7. Passin' Thru
8. Sweet Revenge
9. Lonesome Code
10. The Hardest Thing
11. Childhood's End


The Power of Christ Impales You!

Here is the soundtrack to the 2001 Canuxploitation classic Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter. Well, "almost" classic I should say. If they hadn't cut Jesus' hair like 10 minutes into the movie to make him look like some random dude, then there would've been no stopping them. Still a damn funny movie that you should seek out if you haven't seen it yet. Check out this site for more info This soundtrack was never released, the guys I got it from emailed the director and he actually sent them a free CD-R of the soundtrack. How cool is that?
The girl who was Mary Magnum is super cute, and quite funny, but it doesn't look like she's done anything in like 5 years. Get her some more work, dammit. Also I wanted to mention that Johnny Golgotha is the coolest movie character name ever.

If I'm not back in five minutes, call the Pope.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Mystery Science Theater lives.....sort of.

I just wanted to point anyone who is a fan of Mystery Science Theater, Mike Nelson or just a fan of smartassedness in general towards this site:

It came out about a month or so ago, the site calls them commentaries, but it's pretty much MST3K without the silhouette. Or Tom. Or Crow. Although Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy may join him in the future. So far he's only got new "commentaries" up for Road House and The Fifth Element. I was laughing out loud through at least 80% of Road House, and I'm going to check out The Fifth Element this weekend. The bit Mike does over the end of Road House is one of the funniest things I've ever heard. Ever.

Anyway, they're $2 a piece to download. You just sync it up to the DVD and play the rifftrax on your MP3 player, or whatever you want to use. Hilarity ensues. I'm not going to put them up on here, because Mike Nelson is my idol and I want as many rifftrax as possible. Seriously, he's my idol. I will name my first born child Mike Nelson. Well that is unless the wife isn't cool with that, then we'll probably just call him Steve or Dave or something not as exciting. They're doing Star Trek V next, and XXX and Point Break should be coming up soon.

Remember "Pain don't hurt."

Saturday, August 12, 2006

There go the goddamn brownies!

Here is Jerry Goldsmith's score to The 'burbs. There are apparently two versions of this soundtrack, both being really rare. This is the Varese Club LTD version, it's a little over a half an hour in length. The other version is over 50 minutes, but I'm still not entirely sure it exists. Okay, it does exist, I just have no idea where to find it. Either way, enjoy!
Welcome to The Manchester Morgue. I intend to post some hard to find movie soundtracks and whatever else random crap I think of that I feel like posting. I will be posting the Varese Club ltd version of The Burbs score first, and probably Ravenous, New Nightmare and probably Predator 2 tomorrow.


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