Wednesday, March 06, 2013

Hilarious Faces of Death

One of my favorite features over at Final Girl was called Ridiculous Faces of Death. I think she only did about 8 or 9 of them and I really think that's a shame because shitty movies are loaded with bad actors trying to pretend they've just been killed but instead end up looking like mental patients having some kind of fit. So, I'm going to try and continue with this idea (or steal it, if you prefer) because I watch so many cheap movies I usually encounter 3 or 4 ridiculously stupid death faces a day and it's a crime not to share them with somebody.

First up, the 1993 film Undefeatable. This is a film directed by Godfrey Ho about Cynthia Rothrock tracking down a "martial arts" rapist who killed her sister. It's a fairly serious premise with some decent martial arts work from white people Cynthia Rothrock and John Miller. Fortunately for bad movie fans, the movie is made hilarious by one man, Don Niam, who plays Stingray the martial arts rapist who spends the entire movie mistaking redheaded women for his girlfriend, calling them mommy, then killing them with a sword, all while looking like this:

                                                        If he blinks in the movie, I missed it.

Seriously, try not to laugh at that face. It's impossible. And he makes this face during THE WHOLE MOVIE.

The IMDB plot description is a bit misleading. It refers to the killer as a martial arts rapist. He's actually just a martial artist who happens to rape people, there's nothing "martial arts" about the raping, he's not like karate chopping the women in the neck or anything.

So, there a actually a pair of retarded death faces in this movie. First up, Stingray's friend after finding a dead chick in a big ass toolbox at Stingray's warehouse. Why a warehouse? We never know what Stingray's actual job is, why does he have an entire warehouse? Nevermind. This guy dies a dignified death with his tongue hanging out of his face, looking kind of like Robert Barone after an asthma attack.

Next...this guy had a name, and I never cared enough to notice. I wanna say Mike? Ray? Whatever the name was he was Nick's partner who dies looking like a skinny John Lovitz, which is odd because he looked like Joe Flaherty before he died. So, does that mean Jon Lovitz is going to look like Joe Flaherty for about 4 seconds before he dies?

 It stinks!

Stingray's death face surely would've been the ridiculous death face to end ridiculous death faces, unfortunately we don't see his face when he officially bites the dust.

 Bonus, this guy isn't dead, but the extra in the back looks directly at the camera about a dozen times, and it gets funnier every single time he does:

1 comment:

The Goodkind said...

Good choice! This movie is a classic!


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