Christmas music sucks. Oh, I'm sure most people out there would disagree with me. I'm sure there are people out there right now, genuinely enjoying the overwhelming onslaught of nauseating yuletide melodies pummeling them over the head during every waking moment between October 26th and December 25th.
Not me. Christmas music doesn't fill me with joy. It fills me with dread. Dread, coupled with the desire to hit someone in the skull with a stool. Or a toilet lid. Or a blender. Or any kind of household property I might be able to lift and swing towards someone, really.
So I've putting together my own demented brand of Christmas compilation featuring some Christmas hits, some Christmas misses and even a few tracks that have nothing to do with Christmas, but do have the word Christmas in the title. This album is for those of you who feel that hearing Blue Christmas one more time - just once - just might be the thing that finally sends you over the edge.
I call it Robot Sleeperhold Or: Who The Fuck is Parson Brown? Because seriously, who is Parson Brown?
I went a little overboard here, there's about 30 songs total and it clocks in at around 1:49:42. Grab this one while you can, it might not stay up too long.
- King Diamond - No Presents For Christmas
- Count Floyd & The Pink Floyds - Reggae Christmas Eve in Transylvania
- Shonen Knife - Space Christmas
- Halford - What Child Is This
- Bootsy Collins - Dis Christmiss
- August Burns Red - Carol of the Bells
- Bobby 'Boris' Pickett - Monster's Holiday
- Wham! - Last Christmas
- Jet Boys - Merry Christmas, Fuck You
- Run DMC - Christmas in Hollis
- Los Straitjackets - God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
- Manic Street Preachers - Christmas Ghost
- Greg Lake (minus Emerson or Palmer) - I Believe In Father Christmas
- Mojo Nixon - Christmas Christmas
- The Ramones - Merry Christmas (I Don't Wanna Fight)
- Pretty Maids - In Santa's Claws
- Joel Robinson, Thomas Servo, Crow "Theodore" Robot & The Satellite of Love Orchestra - (Let's Have) A Patrick Swayze Christmas
- The Raveonettes - The Christmas Song
- Spinal Tap - Christmas With The Devil
- Mogwai - Christmas Song
- London After Midnight - The Christmas Song
- Chinese Kids Choir - Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
- Wizzard featuring vocal backing by The Suedettes plus The Stockland Green Bilateral School First Year Choir with additional noises by Miss Snob & Class 3C - I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday
- Gregorian - In The Bleak Midwinter
- Universal Robot Band - Disco Christmas
- Tankard - Fuck Christmas
- Monty Python - Christmas in Heaven
- Tom Waits - Christmas Card From a Hooker in Minneapolis
- Ryuichi Sakamoto - Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence
- Type O Negative - Red Water (Christmas Mourning)
Note: I know it kinda looks like it says I Robot Sleeperhold. It doesn't. Sorry for any confussion.