Coming March from A&E
I'm not so sure Bates Motel is a great idea. It doesn't look like a horrible show, but I think most of us have learned it's best not to know the back story on
all of these villains. We didn't care what happened in Anakin
Skywalker's youth to make him become Darth Vader. We didn't care why
Micheal Myers turned out to be a maniac in Rob Zombie's Halloween.
Likewise, I think A&E will find out, we don't really care about how
Norman Bates became a psycho.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Today's Horror Releases
Just a heads up, some pretty cool horror Blu-rays coming out today.
TWO TALES OF TELEVISION TERROR!
TERRORVISION
Life will never be the same for the Putterman family in Terrorvision. Stanley Putterman (Gerrit Graham) installs a state-of-the-art satellite dish in his backyard. Through a cosmic accident, a wayward monster's energy is beamed across galaxies, into the satellite and onto the Puttermans' television set. The Puttermans don't notice any changes, only better reception and a strange monster continually appearing on the screen. But when the monster leaps off the screen and into the Puttermans' living room, terror erupts, as it needs to feed on humans for its survival!
THE VIDEO DEAD
On a quiet, tree-lined street, evil has arrived in a most ordinary way, an old television set. It receives a single channel, one that not only shows the same film over and over – a horror film where zombies rise from the grave to kill – but also frees the gnarled, evil monsters….and once out, they’re not going back! They like the real world. They’ve already killed five people and want more blood…and a new family is moving into the neighborhood!
Browse more frighteningly fun Scream Factory releases!
Bonus features:
TERRORVISION:
Prison
Creedmore Prison becomes a supernatural battleground when the specter of Charlie Forsythe, a man executed for murder, returns seeking vengeance from the brutal guard, Ethan Sharpe, who was aware of his innocence. The lives of the inmates hang in the balance as Forsythe and Sharpe lock in demonic combat. Directed by Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Deep Blue Sea). Starring Viggo Mortensen (A History Of Violence, Eastern Promises), Chelsea Field (Dust Devil, The Dark Half) and Lane Smith (Red Dawn).
Browse more frighteningly fun Scream Factory releases!
Bonus Features:
Audio Commentary with Director Renny Harlin
Hard Time: The Making of “Prison” – An all-new
retrospective with Director Renny Harlin, Producer Irwin Yablans,
Screenwriter C. Courtney Joyner, Actor Tom Everett, Stunt Coordinator
Kane Hodder, Special Makeup Effects Creator John Carl Buechler,
Executive Producer Charles Band, Composer Richard Band, Production
Designer Philip Duffin, and Production Assistant Patrick Denver
U.S. Theatrical Trailer
Poster & Still Gallery
Original First-Draft Screenplay (PDF format)
The Nest
Roaches have never tasted flesh…until now.
The quiet town of North Port is being overrun by cockroaches! Sheriff Tarbell (Franc Luz) believes that genetic experiments being conducted by the INTEC Corporation are the cause. Confronted with a potential disaster, Mayor Johnson (Robert Lansing) calls for help.
When Dr. Hubbard (Terri Treas) from INTEC arrives, she realizes that an innocent experiment has gone terribly wrong. Ordinary cockroaches are turning into creatures with a taste for blood. Worse, the roaches are genetically mutating... literally becoming whatever they eat!
NOTE: The release date for this title has been pushed back from the original 1/22/13 due to some additional unforeseen audio work that must be done. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The Monster Squad (Blu-Ray) *
You know whom to call when you have ghosts. But who do you call when you have monsters? The Monster Squad – A group of young kids devoted to protecting their suburban neighborhood from monsters and ghouls. Count Dracula (Duncan Regehr) escapes Van Helsing (Jack Gwillim) and adjourns modern day Earth, accompanied by Frankenstein’s Monster (Tom Noonan), the Wolfman (Carl Thibault), the Mummy (Michael MacKay) and the Black Lagoon’s Gillman (Tom Woodruff Jr.). The ghouls are in search of a powerful amulet that will grant them power to rule the world. Standing in their way – The Monster Squad! Produced by Peter Hyams (2010), written by Shane Black (Lethal Weapon) and Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps) and directed by Fred Dekker.
Night of the Demons 2 (Blu-Ray)
It's Halloween and the teenagers from St. Rita's High School want to party at the neighborhood's haunted house. For years, the Hull House has sat in eerie silence - tales of its haunted past have turned into gory jokes and no one really believes anything ever happened there. However, Angela, the hostess from hell is summoning her army of teen demons to the blood-curdling contest between the school's priests and herself, the princess of darkness. What was intended as an innocent evening of fun and games turns into hell raising, life threatening ordeal. they wanted fun, now they're in the trick-or-treat party of their lives! Stylishly directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith (Leprechaun 4: In Space).
_______________________________________________________
The only one I've ordered so far is Terrorvision/Video Dead. I'll post a review of that probably next week as I'm going on vacation in a couple of days.
I love The Monster Squad, but I canceled my preorder when I read that this new Monster Squad release is missing all of the extra features found on the original Lion's Gate blu-ray. Sadly, that one is out of print, so it's a bit costly and will probably rise since this new release is lacking any features. I have the old DVD set that is loaded with extras and I thought $20 for a completely extra free blu-ray of something I already have was a bit much. I'm not a huge A/V guy, so as long as it doesn't look like someone wiped their ass with the transfer I'm fine.
I also love Night of the Demons 2, Christine Taylor making out with a girl, an ass-kicking nun and Morbid Angel on the soundtrack. What more could you ask for? Sadly, this one comes equipped with $25 price tag and I'm not up for throwing down that much for Night of the Demons 2. Now a Night of the Demons/Night of the Demons 2 double feature...
TERRORVISION
Life will never be the same for the Putterman family in Terrorvision. Stanley Putterman (Gerrit Graham) installs a state-of-the-art satellite dish in his backyard. Through a cosmic accident, a wayward monster's energy is beamed across galaxies, into the satellite and onto the Puttermans' television set. The Puttermans don't notice any changes, only better reception and a strange monster continually appearing on the screen. But when the monster leaps off the screen and into the Puttermans' living room, terror erupts, as it needs to feed on humans for its survival!
THE VIDEO DEAD
On a quiet, tree-lined street, evil has arrived in a most ordinary way, an old television set. It receives a single channel, one that not only shows the same film over and over – a horror film where zombies rise from the grave to kill – but also frees the gnarled, evil monsters….and once out, they’re not going back! They like the real world. They’ve already killed five people and want more blood…and a new family is moving into the neighborhood!
Browse more frighteningly fun Scream Factory releases!
Bonus features:
TERRORVISION:
THE VIDEO DEAD: |
Prison
Creedmore Prison becomes a supernatural battleground when the specter of Charlie Forsythe, a man executed for murder, returns seeking vengeance from the brutal guard, Ethan Sharpe, who was aware of his innocence. The lives of the inmates hang in the balance as Forsythe and Sharpe lock in demonic combat. Directed by Renny Harlin (Cliffhanger, A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master, Deep Blue Sea). Starring Viggo Mortensen (A History Of Violence, Eastern Promises), Chelsea Field (Dust Devil, The Dark Half) and Lane Smith (Red Dawn).
Browse more frighteningly fun Scream Factory releases!
Bonus Features:
The Nest
Roaches have never tasted flesh…until now.
The quiet town of North Port is being overrun by cockroaches! Sheriff Tarbell (Franc Luz) believes that genetic experiments being conducted by the INTEC Corporation are the cause. Confronted with a potential disaster, Mayor Johnson (Robert Lansing) calls for help.
When Dr. Hubbard (Terri Treas) from INTEC arrives, she realizes that an innocent experiment has gone terribly wrong. Ordinary cockroaches are turning into creatures with a taste for blood. Worse, the roaches are genetically mutating... literally becoming whatever they eat!
NOTE: The release date for this title has been pushed back from the original 1/22/13 due to some additional unforeseen audio work that must be done. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know whom to call when you have ghosts. But who do you call when you have monsters? The Monster Squad – A group of young kids devoted to protecting their suburban neighborhood from monsters and ghouls. Count Dracula (Duncan Regehr) escapes Van Helsing (Jack Gwillim) and adjourns modern day Earth, accompanied by Frankenstein’s Monster (Tom Noonan), the Wolfman (Carl Thibault), the Mummy (Michael MacKay) and the Black Lagoon’s Gillman (Tom Woodruff Jr.). The ghouls are in search of a powerful amulet that will grant them power to rule the world. Standing in their way – The Monster Squad! Produced by Peter Hyams (2010), written by Shane Black (Lethal Weapon) and Fred Dekker (Night of the Creeps) and directed by Fred Dekker.
It's Halloween and the teenagers from St. Rita's High School want to party at the neighborhood's haunted house. For years, the Hull House has sat in eerie silence - tales of its haunted past have turned into gory jokes and no one really believes anything ever happened there. However, Angela, the hostess from hell is summoning her army of teen demons to the blood-curdling contest between the school's priests and herself, the princess of darkness. What was intended as an innocent evening of fun and games turns into hell raising, life threatening ordeal. they wanted fun, now they're in the trick-or-treat party of their lives! Stylishly directed by Brian Trenchard-Smith (Leprechaun 4: In Space).
_______________________________________________________
The only one I've ordered so far is Terrorvision/Video Dead. I'll post a review of that probably next week as I'm going on vacation in a couple of days.
I love The Monster Squad, but I canceled my preorder when I read that this new Monster Squad release is missing all of the extra features found on the original Lion's Gate blu-ray. Sadly, that one is out of print, so it's a bit costly and will probably rise since this new release is lacking any features. I have the old DVD set that is loaded with extras and I thought $20 for a completely extra free blu-ray of something I already have was a bit much. I'm not a huge A/V guy, so as long as it doesn't look like someone wiped their ass with the transfer I'm fine.
I also love Night of the Demons 2, Christine Taylor making out with a girl, an ass-kicking nun and Morbid Angel on the soundtrack. What more could you ask for? Sadly, this one comes equipped with $25 price tag and I'm not up for throwing down that much for Night of the Demons 2. Now a Night of the Demons/Night of the Demons 2 double feature...
Monday, February 18, 2013
Zombie Combover - A Manchester Morgue Compilation
To celebrate President's Day, I bring you my latest compilation. I call it Zombie Combover.
Sunday, February 17, 2013
FDR - American Badass - A Gargantuan Pile of Fuckery
It's President's Day in a couple of hours, so I've decided to review something presidential. I could've checked out something like Lincoln or JFK, but that's really not my style. I decided, with some regret, to check out FDR - American Badass.
Directors: Garret Brawith
Writer: Ross Patterson
Stars: Barry Bostwick, Lin Shaye, Bruce McGill, Ray Wise, Ross Patterson
Runtime: 93 Minutes
Rated: R for Nazi Werewolves, Incessant White Guy Jive Talk, Stuttering Wheelchair Children, Third Reich Beer Pong
Writer: Ross Patterson
Stars: Barry Bostwick, Lin Shaye, Bruce McGill, Ray Wise, Ross Patterson
Runtime: 93 Minutes
Rated: R for Nazi Werewolves, Incessant White Guy Jive Talk, Stuttering Wheelchair Children, Third Reich Beer Pong
While on a bear hunting trip Governor Franklin Delano Roosevelt (Barry Bostwick) and friends are attacked by a blond werewolf in a flannel shirt. Two of his friends are ripped to shit by the werewolf. The wolf goes after Franklin next, pins him to the ground and goes straight for his legs. After being mauled for a bit Frank is able to wrestle the werewolf off long enough to pull a gun out and kill him with a silver bullet.
Afterwards in the hospital, FDR learns that it wasn't just any werewolf that bit him, it was a polio stricken Nazi werewolf, and he has contracted polio from the bites on his legs. At first he's upset, but Roosevelt was not the kind of guy who was going to let some kind of pussy disease like polio get in his way. So hops in his wheelchair and becomes President of the United States of America. I mean, he had to run for office and everything, he wasn't instantly sworn in the second his ass hit the chair.
Shortly after Roosevelt's election Hitler, Mussolini, and Emperor Hirohito (who are all werewolves for some reason) join up and conspire to spread Werewolfism around the world. In a possible nod to The Amazing Mr. No Legs, Douglas MacArthur (Ray Wise) sets Frank up with a machine gun equipped wheelchair so he can take out the werewolf scum.
This is pretty entertaining for about 20 minutes, Bostwick has some great lines and he really seems to be having a good time with this role. The opening scene with the Aryan werewolf is pretty great. The following scene of Franklin learning of his condition in the hospital is also very entertaining. There are so many funny lines that I lost count, including a great Bon Jovi lyric bit that shouldn't have made me laugh as hard as it did.
That being said, holy shit this thing really just goes careening off the rails once Roosevelt becomes president. It just becomes more awful, and the comedy more broad as it goes along. Once I got to FDR smoking a joint with the ghost of Lincoln (played by Kevin Sorbo) I was done. I did finish the movie, I just didn't give a shit anymore.
There are still some funny lines throughout the movie but for every cute line like a sarcastic "Good work, Einstein!" actually being said to Albert Einstein (and later by Albert Einstein to himself), you have to endure several minutes of Bostwick and Ray Wise spouting off stupid jive talk to each other. We've been putting up with lame white people talking like cool black people jokes since at least Airplane, when will people stop thinking this is funny?
The bad comedy didn't stop there. I could go on for a while here, but I'll just mention a few things that bothered me the most. The "repube" joke didn't land the first time, or the 7th time. Or the 10th time. Werewolf Hitler, Werewolf Mussolini and Emperor Horohito is funnier on paper apparently because I didn't get a laugh out of any of the several scenes featuring the lycanthropian dictators. Then we have Roosevelt's son constantly shitting in vases, gay gloryhole jokes, toilet wine, Frank's secretary erotically licking ketchup (catsup?) and mustard off of his hot dog-like legs...I'm all for offensive humor, the problem is that this stuff is just not funny.
I watched this on Netflix streaming, so if you have a chance to see it for free I recommend it for about the first 20 minutes only. I would suggest having a backup movie lined up just in case.
I give FDR American Badass 1 Middle Finger Up. Or 3.5 out of 10.
I give FDR American Badass 1 Middle Finger Up. Or 3.5 out of 10.
Good news for anyone who enjoyed this, writer Ross Patterson has teamed up with Bostwick once again for Helen Keller vs. Nightwolves due out some time this year.
Lifeforce and Vampire Lovers Blu-Ray
Following March's From Beyond and Phantasm II releases, Scream Factory will be unleashing Lifeforce and The Vampire Lovers on Blu-ray April 30th
From the Press Release:
Horror/sci-fi enthusiasts and movie collectors, rejoice! SCREAM FACTORY™ will unleash the special effects extravaganza LIFEFORCE from director Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Poltergeist) and THE VAMPIRE LOVERS from Hammer Film Productions on April 30, 2013. These two much-loved cult film classics debut for the first time on Blu-ray. LIFEFORCE will be presented as a Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ + DVD combo pack that boasts the rare original theatrical version of the film (available on the Blu-ray disc only) and its longer international cut, plus newly rendered retro-style artwork and a reversible wrap with original theatrical key art. Both home entertainment collections of LIFEFORCE and THE VAMPIRE LOVERS feature high-definition anamorphic widescreen presentations and new exciting bonus content!
LIFEFORCE Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ + DVD combo pack is priced to own at $29.93; THE VAMPIRE LOVERS Blu-ray™ has a suggested retail price of $19.97.
***Avid horror movie fans and collectors take note: Those who order LIFEFORCE from Scream Factory will receive the exclusive 18”x24” poster featuring the newly commissioned artwork. Only 300 posters will be printed, so these are available while supplies last.***
LIFEFORCE Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ + DVD Combo Pack
From the director of Poltergeist and the co-writer of Alien comes a thrilling sci-fi adventure of explosive action and pulse-pounding suspense! With mind-blowing special effects by Academy Award® winner John Dykstra (1977 Best Visual Effects, Star Wars), Lifeforce is a gripping mélange of genres that’s “so bizarre, it’s fascinating” (Leonard Maltin)!
A mission to investigate Halley's Comet discovers an even stranger phenomenon: an alien spacecraft! Following a deadly confrontation, the aliens arrive on Earth, where their seductive leader begins a terrifying campaign to drain the lifeforce of everyone she encounters. Her victims, in turn, continue the cycle, and soon the entire planet is in mortal danger. And when the mission's sole survivor (Steve Railsback – The Stunt Man) sets out to destroy her, he comes face to face with the most charming - and horrifying – being he's ever known. Will he be able to destroy the lovely vampiress...or will he become yet another victim of her fatal charm?
Special Features
Both Theatrical & International Versions (Theatrical cut available on the Blu-ray only.)
New Audio Commentary with Director Tobe Hooper
New Retrospective with Cast & Crew including Star Steve Railsback, Director Tobe Hooper and others!
Original vintage “Making-Of Lifeforce” Featurette
Original Theatrical Trailer
TV Spot
Still Gallery
And more to be announced!
THE VAMPIRE LOVERS Blu-ray™
A female vampire with lesbian tendencies ravages the young girls and townsfolk of a peaceful hamlet in eighteenth century Europe who, years earlier, killed off her fellow vampires. A rousing hunt for the vampiress ensues as a group of men follow her bloody trail of terror through the countryside. Adapted from J. Sheridan LeFanu's novella "Carmilla," The Vampire Lovers stars Ingrid Pitt, George Cole and Peter Cushing.
Now this “rather erotic Hammer chiller” (Leonard Maltin) appears on Blu-ray for the first time… If you dare, come into a twilight world of unspeakable horror and taste the deadly passion of the blood-nymphs!
Special Features
Feature Length Commentary with Roy Ward Baker (Director),
Tudor Gates (Writer) and Ingrid Pitt (Carmilla) moderated by Jonathan
Sothcott.
Excerpts from the novella Carmilla, which inspired the film, read by Ingrid Pitt
Original Theatrical Trailer
New Interview with Madeline Smith (Emma)
New Interviews with Hammer Films Scholars
Original Radio Spot
Visit the Scream Factory website to preorder today.
From the Press Release:
Horror/sci-fi enthusiasts and movie collectors, rejoice! SCREAM FACTORY™ will unleash the special effects extravaganza LIFEFORCE from director Tobe Hooper (The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Poltergeist) and THE VAMPIRE LOVERS from Hammer Film Productions on April 30, 2013. These two much-loved cult film classics debut for the first time on Blu-ray. LIFEFORCE will be presented as a Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ + DVD combo pack that boasts the rare original theatrical version of the film (available on the Blu-ray disc only) and its longer international cut, plus newly rendered retro-style artwork and a reversible wrap with original theatrical key art. Both home entertainment collections of LIFEFORCE and THE VAMPIRE LOVERS feature high-definition anamorphic widescreen presentations and new exciting bonus content!
LIFEFORCE Collector’s Edition Blu-ray™ + DVD combo pack is priced to own at $29.93; THE VAMPIRE LOVERS Blu-ray™ has a suggested retail price of $19.97.
***Avid horror movie fans and collectors take note: Those who order LIFEFORCE from Scream Factory will receive the exclusive 18”x24” poster featuring the newly commissioned artwork. Only 300 posters will be printed, so these are available while supplies last.***
From the director of Poltergeist and the co-writer of Alien comes a thrilling sci-fi adventure of explosive action and pulse-pounding suspense! With mind-blowing special effects by Academy Award® winner John Dykstra (1977 Best Visual Effects, Star Wars), Lifeforce is a gripping mélange of genres that’s “so bizarre, it’s fascinating” (Leonard Maltin)!
A mission to investigate Halley's Comet discovers an even stranger phenomenon: an alien spacecraft! Following a deadly confrontation, the aliens arrive on Earth, where their seductive leader begins a terrifying campaign to drain the lifeforce of everyone she encounters. Her victims, in turn, continue the cycle, and soon the entire planet is in mortal danger. And when the mission's sole survivor (Steve Railsback – The Stunt Man) sets out to destroy her, he comes face to face with the most charming - and horrifying – being he's ever known. Will he be able to destroy the lovely vampiress...or will he become yet another victim of her fatal charm?
Special Features
A female vampire with lesbian tendencies ravages the young girls and townsfolk of a peaceful hamlet in eighteenth century Europe who, years earlier, killed off her fellow vampires. A rousing hunt for the vampiress ensues as a group of men follow her bloody trail of terror through the countryside. Adapted from J. Sheridan LeFanu's novella "Carmilla," The Vampire Lovers stars Ingrid Pitt, George Cole and Peter Cushing.
Now this “rather erotic Hammer chiller” (Leonard Maltin) appears on Blu-ray for the first time… If you dare, come into a twilight world of unspeakable horror and taste the deadly passion of the blood-nymphs!
Special Features
Visit the Scream Factory website to preorder today.
Scream Factory presents From Beyond and Phantasm II
This spring 2013, Scream Factory further invites horror enthusiasts and movie collectors to feast their eyes on more gory goodness and spark their senses when Don Coscarelli’s PHANTASM II Collector’s Edition unleashes on Blu-ray and DVD on March 5, 2013; and H.P. Lovecraft’s FROM BEYOND Collector’s Edition – Unrated Director’s Cut Blu-ray + DVD combo pack hits home entertainment shelves everywhere on March 26, 2013.
Both movies debut for the first time on Blu-ray. Each collector’s edition feature anamorphic widescreen presentation, exciting bonus content, newly rendered retro-style artwork, a reversible wrap with theatrical key art and more! FROM BEYOND Collector’s Edition – Unrated Director’s Cut Blu-ray + DVD combo pack is priced to own at $29.93; PHANTASM II Collector’s Edition Blu-ray has a suggested retail price of $29.93 and $19.93 for the DVD.
**Avid horror movie fans and collectors take note: Those who pre-order PHANTASM II and/or FROM BEYOND from Scream Factory will receive the respective exclusive 18”x24” poster featuring the newly commissioned artwork! Only 500 PHANTASM II posters will be printed, 300 posters for FROM BEYOND, so these are only available while supplies last.**
FROM BEYOND Collector’s Edition – Unrated Director’s Cut:
Humans are such easy prey.
H.P. Lovecraft's classic tale of suspense became "a grisly amalgam of sex, shock and satire" (Newsweek) in the hands of the creators of Re-Animator. And now, armed with shocking never-before-seen footage and special features and on Blu-ray for the first time, this "bloody good entertainment" (Time) has evolved into one of the most gruesomely riveting film experiences of all time!
The Resonator, a powerful machine that can control the sixth sense, has killed its creator and sent his associate into an insane asylum. But when a beautiful psychiatrist becomes determined to continue the experiment, she unwittingly opens the door to a hostile parallel universe... and to the deviant behavior within the human psyche. With its victims becoming creatures who feed on - and become aroused by - human brains, the Resonator is the ultimate man-made monster. And now something's gone horribly wrong and no one can turn it off!
Special Features
ALL-NEW SCREAM FACTORY EXTRAS:
The Tall Man is back with a vengeance in Phantasm II, the second chapter in the cult classic Phantasm series!
Released after seven years in a mental hospital, Mike convinces his old pal Reggie to join forces with him to hunt down and destroy The Tall Man once and for all. Mike's visions lead the two to a quiet little town where a horde of flying killer balls aim to slice and dice their gruesome way through everyone.
Exploding with special effects, unparalleled thrills, horror and suspense, Phantasm II climaxes with a blood-curdling conclusion that you have to see to believe.
Special Features
Druillet does Rollin
This is a set of gorgeous posters by French artist Philippe Druillet for Jean Rollin films La vampire nue, Le viol du vampire and Le frisson des vampires.
The Nude Vampire
(1970) - La vampire nue
(original title)
The Rape of the Vampire (1968) - Le viol du vampire (original title) |
Strange Things Happen at Night (1971) - Le frisson des vampires (original title)
Stitches - You'll Die Laughing
Director: Conor McMahon
Writer: Conor McMahon, David O'Brien
Stars: Tommy Knight, Gemma-Leah Devereux, Ross Noble, Valeri Spelman
Runtime: 86 Minutes
Rated: R for Ice Cream Scoop Neurosurgery, High Heel Tracheotomy, Clown Shoes
Runtime: 86 Minutes
Rated: R for Ice Cream Scoop Neurosurgery, High Heel Tracheotomy, Clown Shoes
Stitches marks the film debut of English comedian Ross Noble. Noble plays professional clown Richard “Stitches” Grindle - about the worst fucking clown you'll ever see. He arrives to entertain children at a boy named Tom's birthday party. Stitches is my favorite type of clown, the type of clown who always looks forlorn, like he's just moments away from blowing his brains out. He's as unenthusiastic about performing his tricks as the kids are about watching him. Throughout his performance the kids are mean and disinterested, they throw things at him, one of the girls gives him the finger. These kids, like most kids would be during a terrible clown act, are basically total douchebags the whole time. During a trick, one of the kids named Vinny sneaks behind Stitches and ties his shoelaces together. Tom takes a soccer ball and hits Stiches in the face sending him tumbling backwards. He trips and falls face first onto a huge butcher knife that was left blade up in the dishwasher for some reason.
After his death we learn there is some kind of strange voodoo clown council, led by a Paul Giamatti looking guy. They meet in an old mausoleum and perform some goofy ritual involving painted eggs. Tom witnesses this ritual and the clown cabal warns Tom that a clown that doesn't finish a party can never rest in peace.
Six years later, Tom is still haunted by the incindent. He sees visions of clowns roaming the hallways at school. He even daydreams of a clown dis-membering Vinny during science class. Tom's 16th birthday is fast approaching and he decides, fuck that clown council noise, I'm having a party. The party goes pretty well at first, but before long Stitches the clown returns from the grave to exact his revenge on Tom and his friends.
That's really all there is for the set up. Very basic The Burning style slasher motive, prank goes wrong, the prankee seeks revenge. I'm normally not big on clown horror. I've never really found clowns frightening, and I don't like the look of them, so I've never really liked them as horror villains. However, here it actually works quite well. Director Conor McMahon (Dead Meat, 2004) has filled his film with some truly striking imagery and inventive murder scenes. This thing gets quite gory, and the best part, aside from an umbrella through the skull bit and an eye socket knifing most of the gore seems to be practical effects, including some brain scooping, intestinal balloon dogs, and a truly hilarious exploding head effect.
While not every effect quite works and some jokes don't quite land (and don't get me started on the absurdity of the clown council stuff) I found this to be a very entertaining way to kill 86 minutes. Slasher fans, check it out. 7/10.
Things to watch for:
Girl on girl headbutt
Strawberry Pie Filling Overdose
World's first slasher with gag reel over the end credits
I didn't catch her name, but this chick:
April Fools' Day screenings in select cities on April 1, 2013. For fans who can't catch the rampage on the big screen, STITCHES will be available on VOD, Digital Download, Blu-ray and DVD on April 2 from MPI /Dark Sky Films.
Sexcula
Sexcula [DVD]
Director: Bob Hollowich
Starring: Debbie Collins, Jamie Orlando, John Alexander, Tim Lowery
Run Time: 86 minutes
Release Date: April 9, 2013
Language: English
Aspect Ratio: 1.33:1 Full-Frame Presentation
Format: DVD
Region: All Regions
Price: $24.95
Synopsis
“Those Evil Deeds of the Countess…SEXCULA!”SEXCULA is a skin flick of legendary lost status. Shot in Vancouver, British Columbia, it was screened once before disappearing and sought after by cult aficionados for decades. Now, Impulse Pictures is proud to bring you the world premiere of SEXCULA. Sex film fans can finally get a look at this elusive crazy Canadian erotic/horror hybrid for the first time ever.
Starring a Marilyn Chambers lookalike in dual roles as Countess Sexcula, a buxom cutie with no qualms about lying nude on a table for the entire movie, and a horny bride who can’t wait for her ring. The nudity and sex are delivered nonstop in this campy horror romp. Watch in amazement at the naked picnic, the “girl-on-gorilla” strip tease, and stare in awe as a female pleasure-robot puts the plot into a time warp!
Bizarre only begins to describe… SEXCULA!
Features
- Digital (1.33:1) Transfer from the ONLY Remaining Theatrical Print Stored in the Basement of the Canadian Film Archives
- Original Theatrical Trailer
- Liner Notes from Porn Archaeologist Dimitrios Otis
Tokyo Species - Like Species, but Japaneseir
Director: Nozomu Kasagi
Stars: Maria Ozawa , Tomonori Kôno, Marika Minam,
Runtime: 70 Minutes
Rated: R for Death by Copulation, Nudity, and uh, Egg....Pooping?
Today I tried something I have never done before. I've just watched an un-subtitled Japanese movie. No big deal for Japanese speaking individuals, however I do not speak Japanese. I can say "thank you" and I think I used to know how to say love or hello. That's it. I was sucked in by the awesome poster art, but when I sat down to watch it, oops, no subtitles. But I still wanted to see it, so I powered through and tried to just figure it out on my own. Luckily the plot of this was pretty straight forward, so it wasn't too difficult to follow.
As you can guess from the title, this is sort of Japan's take on Species. Only with 1/100th the budget and 2/3rds of the running time. Tokyo Species stars renowned Japanese/French Canadian adult star Maria Ozawa. I think her character might be called Michiko, but even the IMDB listing doesn't list character names, so since I'm not 100% sure, I will refer to her as Maria.
The movie opens with a close-up of Maria in a schoolgirl outfit. Maria Ozawa is like 27 years old, how long do Japanese people go to school? Anyway she climbs over a rail on a bridge and jumps to her death. We never actually find out why she does this as her character does not speak one time throughout the entire movie. A moment later her bloodied body washes ashore. The camera circles around the body for and after a minute or so the view changes to a alien creature POV shot. This alien is a bit of a perv because it stops to look up her skirt for a minute before moving onto her face where it then enters her mouth. This sounds pretty pornographic, it's not.
Later, on the way to school she is bullied by some girls, because as we all know beautiful girls are constantly bullied. After school she brings a random guy home, and like in Species she starts to have sex with the guy only to kill him halfway through by impaling him with a spine-y tentacle that shoots out of her arm. So Maria starts sex murdering dudes left and right all through town. At this point it would seem that Maria is trying to wipe out the whole male portion of Japan with her sexiness. She's actually using these guys to impregnate herself so she can give birth to her alien spawn. At least, that explains the sex part. I actually have no idea why she's killing everybody.
After missing class the next day- probably due to her busy schedule of sex murdering - Maria's friend from school goes to her house to check up on her. What she doesn't know is a mysterious new student has followed her there. The new student turns out be an alien hunter (with some pretty lousy aim) and she knows that a sex alien has inhabited Maria's body, and she has a weapon that can stop it. Maria is able to escape the alien hunter's attack, now she has to track her down before she kills again.
This is director Nozomu Kasagi's first feature. Although
clocking in at 66 minutes before the end credits this really just feels
like an extended tv show episode. Actually, if Japan has a Sci-Fi channel, this seems like what they would show. There is a bit of nudity, though not as much as you'd think a movie with a porn star for a lead actress would have. There are a lot of deaths, but the death scenes mostly consist of quick CGI impalements with a bit of blood splatter.
It's a decent movie, but with such a short running time there just really isn't much to it to sink your teeth into. Recommended probably only to people who absolutely have to see every Japanese horror and sci-fi movie that comes out. I think most anybody else would find it on the dull side. Still, that cover art is awesome.
It's a decent movie, but with such a short running time there just really isn't much to it to sink your teeth into. Recommended probably only to people who absolutely have to see every Japanese horror and sci-fi movie that comes out. I think most anybody else would find it on the dull side. Still, that cover art is awesome.
I have to say, watching a foreign movie without the help of subtitles is hard. I'm so used to subtitles that I lost count of the number of times my eyes shot to the bottom of the screen to read the subtitles that weren't there.
Saturday, February 16, 2013
The Wizard of Gore - In Devastating Color
The Wizard of Gore
"Me a ghoul? You're the one who wanted to see pictures of human ravioli for dessert."
Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Writer:Allen Kahn
Stars: Ray Sager, Judy Cler, Wayne Ratay
Runtime: 140 Minutes
Rated: NR for Chainsaw Evisceration, 1 Head in a Wicker Basket, Forceful Sword Swallowing, HypnoVision
Sherry, being blown away by Montag's performance wants him to appear on her show. At first he refuses, but after realizing he could hypnotize the entire Housewives Coffee Break over the air he agrees. So over the next several nights Jack and Sherry see Montag's show, and every volunteer from each show turns up dead by the same method used in the show. One girl has a large spike driven through her skull and has her brains removed. Another has a punch press rip through her torso.
Jack and Sherry become involved with the police to try and figure out just what the hell is going on with Montag the Magnificent and his deranged brand of magic.
The Wizard of Gore is leisurely paced and about 15-20 minutes too long. At about the hour mark I checked the time and was stunned to see another 40 minutes left in the running time. It's longer than I'm used with H.G. Lewis movies, I think it just caught me off guard. Although I think A Taste of Blood is a full 2 hours, so Wizard isn't his longest.
It's pretty talky, especially when Sager is onscreen. He really seemed to be having a great time hamming it up while wearing a cape and playing with ladies' guts.
"Me a ghoul? You're the one who wanted to see pictures of human ravioli for dessert."
Director: Herschell Gordon Lewis
Writer:Allen Kahn
Stars: Ray Sager, Judy Cler, Wayne Ratay
Runtime: 140 Minutes
Rated: NR for Chainsaw Evisceration, 1 Head in a Wicker Basket, Forceful Sword Swallowing, HypnoVision
Sherry Carson is the host of the Housewives Coffee Break on NBC 17. She and her sports writer boyfriend Jack attend a magic show featuring Montag the Magnificent (played by Lewis regular Ray Sager). Montag is a very theatrical, intense weirdo, complete with top hat and cape. Classic weirdo. He spouts a lengthy monologue about dreams and reality, not unlike the kind of talk you might hear from a bunch of stoned hippies around a camp fire late at night. I hate to be negative right away, but I have to say this monologue was pretty long and repetitive. In fact I may have dozed off had Montag not kept shouting his lines.
After this monologue, and a pretty neat self-guillotine trick, he uses hypnosis to get a female volunteer from the audience for the classic sawing a woman in half bit. Montag does this trick a little differently. Instead of putting the woman in a box and using a hacksaw, he does it out in the open, on a table, with a chainsaw. He cuts the woman's stomach open and she lets out a blood curdling scream and dies on the table. Montag starts riffling through her guts like he's dropped his keys in there. After a classic 30 second H.G. lingering gore shot the next second the woman is perfectly fine. Her dress and stomach are completely un-chainsawed. The crowd goes wild... for about 10 seconds, then everyone just stands up, and quietly leaves without anyone saying anything. It's an awkward way to end a show.
Shortly after the show the female volunteer goes to a restaurant, and before she even gets her drink order in she drops dead in the middle of the room with the exact same gaping chainsaw wound from the show.
After this monologue, and a pretty neat self-guillotine trick, he uses hypnosis to get a female volunteer from the audience for the classic sawing a woman in half bit. Montag does this trick a little differently. Instead of putting the woman in a box and using a hacksaw, he does it out in the open, on a table, with a chainsaw. He cuts the woman's stomach open and she lets out a blood curdling scream and dies on the table. Montag starts riffling through her guts like he's dropped his keys in there. After a classic 30 second H.G. lingering gore shot the next second the woman is perfectly fine. Her dress and stomach are completely un-chainsawed. The crowd goes wild... for about 10 seconds, then everyone just stands up, and quietly leaves without anyone saying anything. It's an awkward way to end a show.
Shortly after the show the female volunteer goes to a restaurant, and before she even gets her drink order in she drops dead in the middle of the room with the exact same gaping chainsaw wound from the show.
Sherry, being blown away by Montag's performance wants him to appear on her show. At first he refuses, but after realizing he could hypnotize the entire Housewives Coffee Break over the air he agrees. So over the next several nights Jack and Sherry see Montag's show, and every volunteer from each show turns up dead by the same method used in the show. One girl has a large spike driven through her skull and has her brains removed. Another has a punch press rip through her torso.
Jack and Sherry become involved with the police to try and figure out just what the hell is going on with Montag the Magnificent and his deranged brand of magic.
The Wizard of Gore is leisurely paced and about 15-20 minutes too long. At about the hour mark I checked the time and was stunned to see another 40 minutes left in the running time. It's longer than I'm used with H.G. Lewis movies, I think it just caught me off guard. Although I think A Taste of Blood is a full 2 hours, so Wizard isn't his longest.
It's pretty talky, especially when Sager is onscreen. He really seemed to be having a great time hamming it up while wearing a cape and playing with ladies' guts.
The movie does deliver the gore. Once we get beyond one of the all-time worst fake heads the world has ever seen, the gore is graphic and lingering. It's even almost a bit sickening at times. In addition to the gore, Wizard also rewards patience viewers with an amazing and absurd final 10 minutes. You'll be confused as hell, but it's still pretty awesome.
Overall I enjoyed it, though out of the 6 Lewis movies I've seen (this,
Blood Feast, 2,000 Maniacs, Color Me Blood Red, Something Weird and
Blood Feast 2) I'd probably rank this my 5th favorite right before Blood
Feast 2.
Friday, February 15, 2013
Bad news for fans of Cinematic Titanic:
"Dear Friends,
As we have been adding dates to our live show schedule for 2013,
we have come to the decision that this will be our last year actively
touring as Cinematic Titanic. We feel that with any project there is a
time to move on and as 5 people living in 5 different cities with
different lives and projects, it has become increasingly difficult to
coordinate our schedules and give Cinematic Titanic the attention it
requires to keep growing as a creative enterprise and a business. As a
result, we have decided to take this indefinite hiatus.
The last 5+ years have been an amazing opportunity for us all to reconnect creatively with one another and more importantly to connect with the fans of MST3K and new fans of Cinematic Titanic. We've had the great pleasure of playing some beautiful theaters around the country and have taken movie riffing to places we never dreamed, like ILM and Pixar, a sports arena, and even Broadway! The love we've been shown by those we've met and performed for will be with us forever.
We will be performing as many dates as is feasible this year and we hope you'll come out and see us go at it one last time if we come to a theater near you in 2013. We are still in discussions about the production of additional DVDs and we'll keep you posted.
We thank you deeply for all the support you've shown Cinematic Titanic over these years and we're looking forward to many great shows in the year ahead.
Cheers,
The CT Crew"
The last 5+ years have been an amazing opportunity for us all to reconnect creatively with one another and more importantly to connect with the fans of MST3K and new fans of Cinematic Titanic. We've had the great pleasure of playing some beautiful theaters around the country and have taken movie riffing to places we never dreamed, like ILM and Pixar, a sports arena, and even Broadway! The love we've been shown by those we've met and performed for will be with us forever.
We will be performing as many dates as is feasible this year and we hope you'll come out and see us go at it one last time if we come to a theater near you in 2013. We are still in discussions about the production of additional DVDs and we'll keep you posted.
We thank you deeply for all the support you've shown Cinematic Titanic over these years and we're looking forward to many great shows in the year ahead.
Cheers,
The CT Crew"
Sad to hear, hopefully this hiatus doesn't last forever. That said, many of the CineTit DVDs are available on sale at Amazon for $10.99. You can also get the last of the Blood of the Vampires DVDs for $5.99 from the official Cinematic Titanic site.
Phelpster's Custom Covers - Teen Wolf Too
I'm not designing covers as much as I used to but here's one I whipped up for the second best Teen Wolf movie, Teen Wolf Too. The image of Todd is a little blurry - that's one spastic werewolf, he never stops movinig - but I'm pretty happy with the way this one came out. This was fairly time consuming because I did all this from scratch, minus the NCAA and Tuf-Wear logos.
True story - in Virginia there's a video store called Dollar Video. The same guy owns another video store a couple of miles away called Dollar Video, Too.
True story - in Virginia there's a video store called Dollar Video. The same guy owns another video store a couple of miles away called Dollar Video, Too.
As you can see from the last bunch of posts, I'm taking this site in a different direction. I still plan to post old posters and cool shit like that, but I'm going to be doing reviews of some of the obscure horror stuff I watch, some DVD/Blu-Ray stuff too like the upcoming Vinegar Syndrome and Shout Factory releases. However, the file sharing is pretty much done for (except maybe an occasional compilation, sorry to the guy who really wanted a Halloween comp this past year, I screwed the pooch on that one). With sharing being harder these days with the rapid deleting of files, plus a good 90% of my links dead anyway I figured it was time for a change.
Not sure if I should mention this, but the main thing that killed this site for the last couple of years was me being threatened to be sued. My job mostly consists of listening to death metal while assmebling grills and patio furniture, not exactly raking in the kind of dough to afford to be sued. I'm not mentioning the soundtrack that got me in trouble but I definitely thought "Wow, this is the one that somebody freaks out on me for?"
I'm working on bettering my writing. I went through most of my old posts, and yikes, I wrote some okay stuff, but I wrote some truly amateur hour crap in the earlier posts. Some of that stuff was written like English wasn't my first language. I'm also working on lowering my typo count. I still haven't mastered laptop typing, reading through some old posts the typo count was staggering. Anyway, just wanted to mention this to anyone still checking this site out.
Not sure if I should mention this, but the main thing that killed this site for the last couple of years was me being threatened to be sued. My job mostly consists of listening to death metal while assmebling grills and patio furniture, not exactly raking in the kind of dough to afford to be sued. I'm not mentioning the soundtrack that got me in trouble but I definitely thought "Wow, this is the one that somebody freaks out on me for?"
I'm working on bettering my writing. I went through most of my old posts, and yikes, I wrote some okay stuff, but I wrote some truly amateur hour crap in the earlier posts. Some of that stuff was written like English wasn't my first language. I'm also working on lowering my typo count. I still haven't mastered laptop typing, reading through some old posts the typo count was staggering. Anyway, just wanted to mention this to anyone still checking this site out.
The Geek (Backwoods) - 1987
The Geek
A secret hidden by time that will reap its horrible revenge.
Director: Dean Crow
Writers: Dean Crow, Charles Joseph
Starring: Jack O'Hara, Dick Kreusser, Brad Armacot
Music: Skeet Bushor!
Rated: R for Wanton Chicken Decapitation, Gratuitous Stupidity
Today, I'll be reviewing the 1987 backwood thriller The Geek (also known as Backwoods) This is one of at least 3 movies I own called Backwoods. Before I begin, enjoy the incredibly thorough IMDB plot description - A hillbilly father and his idiot son terrorize and murder campers.
Not only is that really brief, it's not even accurate. I'll be a bit more thorough.
Karen, outgoing, nature loving girl takes her med student boyfriend Jamie to the woods for a couple of days of hiking action. They head into the woods and make a quick stop at the Ranger Station. Now for some reason they tell the Ranger they're siblings, but ten minutes later, they're
getting nude in a tent, right away I have no idea what is going on with
these two. Why would you tell a someone your boyfriend was your brother? Before they leave they get a stern warning from the Ranger to stay out of the uncharted part of the woods, so Karen and Jamie promptly head straight into the Certain Doom Woods.
So we watch twenty minutes or so of footage of these two hiking. I've never gone hiking, but from what I gather, hiking seems to consist of two parts. 1) Walking. 2)Making a tent. So they walk for a while, and they make a tent. This apparently takes an amazing amount of time because once the tent is up, it's dark. How far did these fuckers walk? So, they eat, partake in some fornication, and get some sleep while the camera outside the tent lets us know, someone is watching.
The next day they are waken up by the sound of a gunshot. Outside, about 50 clicks (that's a hiking term, right?) North East of the tent stands a overall clad man, shotgun in hand, towering over a little girl laying on the ground. The girl, we find out is Beth, the daughter of Eben aka the man in the overalls. Her neck has been mauled by something...or someone (gasp!) and the shot was fired to scare whatever....or whoever (gasp!) away.
It's around this point humans in this movie start saying and doing some really stupid things.
Jamie starts to treat the girls neck gash, and for no apparent reason Eben cocks the gun and presses it against his head. Then, also for no apparent reason, he lowers the gun, and offers them food as thanks for helping his daughter. Despite the fact this man just kind of threatened to kill him with a large gun, Karen is able to convince Jamie to follow Eben to his house.
They eat, and share stories and moonshine with the odd and offputting Eben. Night falls, but instead of getting the hell out of there the second Eben passes out, they stick around until the next day. Not sure why, maybe to make sure Beth doesn't die, I guess. While Jamie and Eben take care of Beth, Karen heads to the lake for a bath. As is the case most of the time a woman bathes in a lake in the middle of the woods, she's soon being chased half naked by a retarded drooling guy. She runs to Jamie, and Eben smashes The Drooler in the mouth, ending his pursuit. As you can guess from the plot description this goon is actually Eben's son William, the Geek. They don't specifically mention what is wrong with William, but he doesn't speak and he really enjoys decapitating chickens with his teeth.
Per a drunken agreement made the night before, Jamie and Eben go coon hunting. You'd think going hunting with a bi-polar drunk and leaving your attractive, frequently topless, compassionate girlfriend near a deranged, violent simpleton who lives in a shack 200 feet from the house would be on the bottom of this guy's list of things to do. Nope.
While the men are off hunting Karen plays with Beth for a while and for some bizarre reason decides to take William some flowers. It's sweet of her to feel bad for the guy for being retarded and all, but this plan almost immediately backfires when William attacks her. Again. He attacks her because the man is a geek, he enjoys killing chickens with his teeth, what did this dingbat think was going to happen? Karen is able to get away, but soon after this attack The Geek goes apeshit, starts stalking and eventually attempting to kill her. Again. She manages to escape into the woods, now she must outrun William before he ends her life.
While the men are off hunting Karen plays with Beth for a while and for some bizarre reason decides to take William some flowers. It's sweet of her to feel bad for the guy for being retarded and all, but this plan almost immediately backfires when William attacks her. Again. He attacks her because the man is a geek, he enjoys killing chickens with his teeth, what did this dingbat think was going to happen? Karen is able to get away, but soon after this attack The Geek goes apeshit, starts stalking and eventually attempting to kill her. Again. She manages to escape into the woods, now she must outrun William before he ends her life.
Spoiler Alert -
The rest of the movie is pretty much her running through the woods and eventually fighting back. I loved that when it came time Karen killed this guy and made sure he was dead. One of my horror pet peeves is the person who obtains a weapon, hits the murderer with it one time, and bolts. Some disgruntled maniac killed everyone you know with an axe, so you hit him one time with a stick and run away - what the hell is that? Not this chick, after trapping him with a MacGuyverian net made of fishing line and hooks she savagely beats him Heavenly Creatures style with a large rock in a sock, then for good measure she jams a lit road flair down The Geek's throat. This fucker is done for.
End Spoiler Alert
Anyway, this one is pretty slow moving, with a low body count - unless you count the chickens. If you do, this movie is a bloodbath. There's not a lot of action, but the acting better than you usually find in these kind of movies, even if the characters still make the same borderline retarded decisions we are used to. If you can handle the leisurely pace of the first hour, the finale is actually pretty tense and exciting. I'll go 6/10 on this one. It's no Just Before Dawn, but it's not quite Don't Go In The Woods.
The Massage Parlor Murders Blu-Ray/DVD Combo Coming 4/9
A vicious serial killer is stalking the streets of New York City, murdering Times Square massage girls in a variety of brutal ways. It’s up to a rogue detective team to solve the case as the body count continues to rise! Chock full of over the top sex and violence and complete with a high speed car chase through Manhattan, MASSAGE PARLOR MURDERS is an exploitation film lover’s dream movie. Featuring performances from Sandra Peabody (Last House on the Left), Chris Jordan (Deep Throat 2), Brother Theodore (The ‘Burbs), and George Dzundza (The Deer Hunter) in one of his earliest appearances!
Directors: Chester Fox & Alex Stevens
1972 / Color / 80 minutes / 1.85:1
Features Include:
+ Blu-Ray/DVD Combo Pack | Region Free | 1.85:1 AR | MONO
+ Restored in 2K from original camera negative
+ Original theatrical trailer + alternate MASSAGE PARLOR HOOKERS trailer
+ Rare outtakes
+ Special edition lab card
+ Extensive historical liner notes
There will also be a limited poster run which I'm very excited about since I think the cover art is really amazing. This one isn't quite ready for preorder just yet, but I add a link as soon as it's available.
Vinegar Syndrome's Drive-In Collection coming March 12th
We are just a few weeks away from a couple of my most anticipated releases of the year, Vinegar Syndrome's new Drive-In Collection line.
Two grimy, low-rent, regional sleaze-fests guaranteed to leave even the most jaded genre film fans scratching their heads in disbelief.
SAVAGE WATER (1979)
Regional horror filmmaking at its most bare-bones, Paul Kener’s Utah lensed proto-giallo is a schizoid blend of big budget home movie and ultra cheap sleaze.
Director: Paul Kener
95 minutes / Color / AR: 1.85:1
DEATH BY INVITATION (1971)
One of producer Leonard Kirtman’s odd ventures into horror filmmaking, ‘Death’ is an effectively gritty tale of 20th century witchery topped off with a pleasant touch of psychedelia.
Director: Ken Friedman
81 minutes / Color / AR: 1.85:1
Features Include:
+ Dual Layer DVD-9 | Region Free | 16:9 Anamorphic | 1.85:1 AR | MONO
+ 2k scan from 35mm theatrical prints
+ Two commentary tracks by: The Hysteria Continues
This was a release I was already excited for but the holy shit factor is through the roof knowing about the two Hysteria Continues commentaries. If you've got a couple hundred hours to kill, check out some of their podcasts. You can preorder now directly from Vinegar Syndrome.
Two forgotten B-pictures from one of the X rated film world’s most talented auteurs, Anthony Spinelli, presented from film sourced transfers for the very first time!
EXPECTATIONS (1977)
Two women, one a wealthy socialite and the other a swinger, decide to swap lives. However as the novelty wears off, they become slaves to each other’s misery.
Director: Anthony Spinelli
70 minutes / Color / AR: 1.85:1
CONFESSIONS (1977)
A bored, upscale housewife decides to dabble in the world of anonymous sex and prostitution but quickly learns the unfortunately reality of such a lifestyle.
Director: Anthony Spinelli
68 minutes / Color / AR: 1.85:1
Features Include:
+ Dual Layer DVD-9 | Region Free | 16:9 Anamorphic | 1.85:1 AR | MONO
+ 2k scan from 35mm theatrical prints
You can preorder now directly from Vinegar Syndrome.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Beetlejuice - The Complete Animated Series
I'll pass on this release myself (too many unwatched Hanna Barbara cartoon sets in my collection) but I have to say these Shout! guys are kicking a gargantuan amount of ass with all of these TV series sets. I never thought I'd own complete sets of the Norm Show and Get A Life. And lets not forget their work on the Mystery Science Theater sets.
Monday, February 11, 2013
Frankenhooker - Now A Major Motion Picture Review
I'm trying to start doing a lot more movie reviews here, focus less on music since it's become a bit of a pain lately keeping track of everything.
Jeffrey Franken - full-time mook and electric company worker, part-time mad scientist and inventor. Elizabeth Shelley - Jeff's "portly" girlfriend, occupation...not mentioned. Referred to as fat numerous times, despite not being fat.
Like Wayne Szalinski in Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Jeff has created a remote control lawn mower as a gift for Elizabeth's father. Unlike Wayne, Jeff's lawn mower kinda, sorta runs over and dismembers his overweight girlfriend. However, despite being chunked to death by a bitchin' remote control lawn mower*, Elizabeth's head remains completely un-mangled. Jeff is able to procure her unscathed cranium without police knowing about it. If he can find a female body without a head, he should be in business.
So after a montage of Jeff making a Frankenhooker blueprint while muttering to himself he heads into an even seedier looking than usual 1990's Jersey City. With a wad of money and the help of a body-building pimp named Zorro Jeff is able to spend an hour with several of Zorro's best girls (I'd hate to see this guy's worst girls). Jeff's plan is to find the girl whose body has the least amount of gross moles and cigarette burns, kidnap her, lop her head off, screw Elizabeth's on and zap her ass back to life.
On his venture to the city Jeff has brought with him another of his creations, a super powered form of crack called...Super Crack. A crack so super it makes things explode. This guy only seems to invent terrifying, terrifying things. If there is such a thing as an inventing license, this man's should be revoke at once. Upon discovering the Super Crack in Jeff's bag, the ladies of the night go bananas, kick Jeff's ass and smoke up. 30 seconds later, in a hysterical scene that rivals the peeping scene from Animal House, the hookers all go tits up and explode. Of course, since the budget is on the low side, the exploding bodies are represented by various mannequin body parts which are sent flying around the room. A leg destroys a lamp, a butt cheek bounces off the walls, a flying head knocks Zorro unconscious.
So instead of one dead hooker body, Jeff ends up with bags full of parts. (Except torsos, where the hell does he end up getting a torso?) After sorting through the parts and picking out the most symmetrical knockers and filing bunions off of the least smelly feet Jeffrey sews a body together, slaps an Elizabeth head on this strewn together monstrosity, and success! Resurrection!
For some reason, despite having her own brain, Liz promptly adopts some very hooker-like mannerisms. She immediately knocks Jeff out, heads to the city and starts aggressively offering up dates to short, fat business men. Jeff must track her down before she can commit any sex murders.
Not Frank Henenlotter's best, but I adore this movie. James Lorinz's deadpan performance as Jeffrey really makes the movie for me. As good as he is, I also have to give Patty Mullen credit, her performance as Frankenhooker is great as well. This chick makes some of the goofiest faces you will ever see. I'm talking beyond Jim Carrey in Rubberface goofy, it's amazing. Despite what you would assume, this really isn't a very gory movie. Sure there are body parts everywhere but not much blood and guts, I actually consider this movie to be almost a romantic comedy. Make sure your date has a weird sense of humor first though.
I have been a fan of this movie since the early 90's, staying up late watching movies I wasn't old enough to be watching so I guess I have a bit of nostalgia for the movie, so I might be over-hyping it a bit. So first time viewers may need to lower their expectations but fans of stuff like Bride of Re-Animator, or any of Henenlotter's stuff, I think you'll find something to enjoy here.
I highly recommend the Synapse blu-ray.The transfer is stunning, and in addition, it's pretty loaded with features...
*If there are any lawn mower company executives reading this, fat people would pay handsomely for this technology.
Things to watch for:
The world's only severed head headbutt
Bunions
A platter of boobs
A trashcan filled with legs
Director: Frank Henenlotter
Writers: Frank Henenlotter, Robert Martin
Stars:James Lorinz, Patty Mullen, Joseph Gonzalez
Runtime:85 Minutes
Rated: R for Nudity, Lawn Mower Dismemberment, Graphic Bunion Extraction, Smoking
Writers: Frank Henenlotter, Robert Martin
Stars:James Lorinz, Patty Mullen, Joseph Gonzalez
Runtime:85 Minutes
Rated: R for Nudity, Lawn Mower Dismemberment, Graphic Bunion Extraction, Smoking
Like Wayne Szalinski in Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Jeff has created a remote control lawn mower as a gift for Elizabeth's father. Unlike Wayne, Jeff's lawn mower kinda, sorta runs over and dismembers his overweight girlfriend. However, despite being chunked to death by a bitchin' remote control lawn mower*, Elizabeth's head remains completely un-mangled. Jeff is able to procure her unscathed cranium without police knowing about it. If he can find a female body without a head, he should be in business.
So after a montage of Jeff making a Frankenhooker blueprint while muttering to himself he heads into an even seedier looking than usual 1990's Jersey City. With a wad of money and the help of a body-building pimp named Zorro Jeff is able to spend an hour with several of Zorro's best girls (I'd hate to see this guy's worst girls). Jeff's plan is to find the girl whose body has the least amount of gross moles and cigarette burns, kidnap her, lop her head off, screw Elizabeth's on and zap her ass back to life.
On his venture to the city Jeff has brought with him another of his creations, a super powered form of crack called...Super Crack. A crack so super it makes things explode. This guy only seems to invent terrifying, terrifying things. If there is such a thing as an inventing license, this man's should be revoke at once. Upon discovering the Super Crack in Jeff's bag, the ladies of the night go bananas, kick Jeff's ass and smoke up. 30 seconds later, in a hysterical scene that rivals the peeping scene from Animal House, the hookers all go tits up and explode. Of course, since the budget is on the low side, the exploding bodies are represented by various mannequin body parts which are sent flying around the room. A leg destroys a lamp, a butt cheek bounces off the walls, a flying head knocks Zorro unconscious.
So instead of one dead hooker body, Jeff ends up with bags full of parts. (Except torsos, where the hell does he end up getting a torso?) After sorting through the parts and picking out the most symmetrical knockers and filing bunions off of the least smelly feet Jeffrey sews a body together, slaps an Elizabeth head on this strewn together monstrosity, and success! Resurrection!
For some reason, despite having her own brain, Liz promptly adopts some very hooker-like mannerisms. She immediately knocks Jeff out, heads to the city and starts aggressively offering up dates to short, fat business men. Jeff must track her down before she can commit any sex murders.
Not Frank Henenlotter's best, but I adore this movie. James Lorinz's deadpan performance as Jeffrey really makes the movie for me. As good as he is, I also have to give Patty Mullen credit, her performance as Frankenhooker is great as well. This chick makes some of the goofiest faces you will ever see. I'm talking beyond Jim Carrey in Rubberface goofy, it's amazing. Despite what you would assume, this really isn't a very gory movie. Sure there are body parts everywhere but not much blood and guts, I actually consider this movie to be almost a romantic comedy. Make sure your date has a weird sense of humor first though.
I have been a fan of this movie since the early 90's, staying up late watching movies I wasn't old enough to be watching so I guess I have a bit of nostalgia for the movie, so I might be over-hyping it a bit. So first time viewers may need to lower their expectations but fans of stuff like Bride of Re-Animator, or any of Henenlotter's stuff, I think you'll find something to enjoy here.
I highly recommend the Synapse blu-ray.The transfer is stunning, and in addition, it's pretty loaded with features...
| Features: |
| Audio Commentary with Director Frank Henenlotter and Make-Up Effects Designer, Gabe Bartalos A Salad That Was Once Named Elizabeth - Patty Mullen Featurette A Stitch In Time: The Make-Up Effects Of Frankenhooker - Featurette Turning Tricks: Jennifer Delora Remembers Frankenhooker - Featurette Jennifer Delora's Frankenhooker Photo Scrapbook - Featurette Theatrical Trailer |
| Video: |
| Widescreen 1.78:1 Color |
| Screen Resolution: |
| 1080p |
| Audio: (more info) |
| ENGLISH: DTS-HD MA 5.1
ENGLISH: DTS-HD MA Stereo |
*If there are any lawn mower company executives reading this, fat people would pay handsomely for this technology.
Things to watch for:
The world's only severed head headbutt
Bunions
A platter of boobs
A trashcan filled with legs
Hilarious Album Cover of the Week
I've been known to frequent thrift stores for some time now. I work outdoors most of the time, so I like being able to get some pretty decent shirts for $1-$3 so I'm not spending actual money on clothes that I'll destroy at work. Every time I visit a thrift store I always make a point to look through the old records. I don't even own a turntable, yet I am compelled to flip through every single record because occasionally you find an album with a cover like this:
A cover that makes you say "What?!" out loud a little louder than you mean to, so that the people looking at the books right next to the records to stare at you for a moment before slowly backing away from the books. I can't be the only one who thinks this cover is creepy and bizarre, can I? A huge naked man, holding out a small naked like he's presenting it to a raffle winner at some kind of weird nudist swap meet. Seems odd to me. And where is his where is this guy's left thumb?
Anyway, I didn't buy the album, even though it was only a dollar. I went during my lunch break and I didn't think leaving a record in my hot ass car for a few hours would be a good idea. That, and the lack of a turntable.
But, I remembered when I got home, and I searched around and found it online. Apparently Slave was a pretty popular funk/disco/soul outfit active in Dayton, Ohio from 1977 up until 1996. I haven't heard their other stuff, but, despite the awkward album cover Just a Touch of Love is actually a pretty decent album.
Here's a thrift store record question, what's the deal with the records where the original owner felt the need to write their name in ball point pen on the album sleeve? Was there a rash of record theft in the 70's? Were people breaking into houses and stealing Dolly Parton and Speedwagon records and was writing your name on the records an effective theft deterrent?
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