Zombie Related Injuries or Fatalities

Macabre Movie Poster Madness

Back when I was doing my Space Bastard site one of my favorite things to post was movie posters, of the macabre and horrific variety, usually tied together with some kind of theme. This is also a common practice over at Final Girl - in fact I had called this Macabre Movie Poster Monday until I looked at her site and saw she uses "Awesome Movie Poster Friday". Seemed disrespectful to my fellow Blogger user, stealing the Adjective/Movie Poster/Day of the Week format for a post title, so I've replaced Monday with Madness.

Moving on. Since I enjoy making my own DVD covers I have gathered a decent sized collection of movie poster imagery, I figured I'd throw some up here and see what happens.

Michael Powell's Peeping Tom

Lucio Fulci's The New York Ripper (duh)

Mario Bava's Kill Baby Kill

Riccardo Freda/Mario Bava's I, Vampiri

I've saved the strangest for last. This is actually a poster from Night of the Living Dead - as in George A. Romero's Night of the Living Dead. What a mongloid hand wearing press-on nails (with a bolt, uh, bolted into it, no less) has to do with anything at all I do not know. It has been years since I've actually watched NOTLD, maybe I've forgotten the mongloid hand.

Cinematic Titanic Conquers Santa Claus Conquers The Martians in Electronic Christmas Card Form

Be sure to send one to all the CineTit fans nearest and dearest to you.

Ladies and Gentlemen.....The Fabulous Stains

I've been playing the hell out of this one since I got it about a week ago. This is the soundtrack from the 1981 Ladies and Gentlemen The Fabulous Stains. The film stars Diane Lane as Corrine Burns, founder and head songwriter for the fictional girl band The Stains. It chronicles the rise and very sudden fall in popularity of The Stains - A band not particularly high in talent, Corrine's rants and strange attire still manage to garner the band a small cult following of impressionable teenage girls (see above link, scroll down). The film also stars Ray Winstone as the singer of rival (and actually talented) band The Looters (which, apart from Winstone consists of Steve Jones and Paul Cook of the Sex Pistols, and Paul Simenon of The Clash).

Random fact: This film features the first appearance of Queen of No-Budget Schlock Debbie Rochon.

This soundtrack was released with a "Download Only" option on Amazon, then it was almost immediately (within 24 hours or so) pulled from the site for some reason or another. I found it over on Cinemageddon, so credit goes out to the original uploader over there who was quick enough to get it before it disappeared.

There are several highlights on this album, from The Professionals by The Looters to the spiteful cover of The Professionals by The Stains. My personal favorite is a reggae number called Curfew. I don't even like Reggae, but I really love this one.

1. All Washed Up [Rock] - Lawn Boy
2. Professionals - The Looters
3. Roadmap Of My Tears - The Metal Corpses
4. La La La - The Looters
5. Curfew - Lawn Boy
6. Waste Of Time - The Stains
7. All Washed Up [Reggae] - Lawn Boy
8. Professionals - The Stains
9. Don't Blow It All Away - The Looters
10. Conned Again - The Looters
11. Professionals [Video Version] - The Fabulous Stains

Fatal Games - The Second Prize is Death

The bizarre and hilarious 1984 slasher Fatal Games, written by Buñuel (Rafael, that is) and starring women with names like Teal and Spice. The description from the Media VHS cover:

"What is happening at the Falcon Academy of Athletes? One by one the young competitors for the 1984 Olympics are facing a race against death- at the hands of a javelin-hurling madman.

Is potential champion, Annie Rivers, fast enough to outrun the killer and stay alive? She must use every trick and every turn in the book to stay ahead in this deadly game. There can only be one winner in this contest. Only one will finish!"

Yes, you read that correctly, the killer's weapon of choice is a javelin. One of the most impractical weapons of all time - with a minimum length of 260 cm (8 ft 6.25 in) - you've got to admit it's an inventive choice.

Most of the film's running time is pretty standard slasher fare, but like fellow exercise themed slaughter picture Killer Workout Fatal Games goes totally batshit during the final act - making you forget the fairly routine first and second act. If you stick with this one you will be rewarded with a rousing and hysterical final 20 minutes that will leave you breathless and dumbfounded.

Note: The cover above was designed by me using a Blue Underground
template. The cover was made completely for the hell of it. As far as I know
they have no plans of actually releasing Fatal Games.

Mort The Dead Teenager

This is the Marvel mini-series Mort The Dead Teenager. In the first issue Mort Graves is denogginized by a train during a drag racing accident. With the help of Teen Death, Mort gets to see what his world is like without him. Or something like that, I'm not finished with it yet. It lasted for 4 issues in 1993/94, each of which can be downloaded in the link below.

Searching for some information to use for this post I found countless sites mentioning a Tarantino produced film version of Mort that was in development a few years ago. And here I thought Man-Thing was a bit too obscure for someone to try and make into a movie. The only rumored cast member at the time was Jessica Simpson (not as hot as the world thinks, by the way) Presumably she would've been cast as the dumb chick with big cans and not Mort.

Download

Things To Watch For:
Death Rides A Train
Apostrophe S - It's a word
The Lighter Side of Automobile Related Teenage Fatalities
Otto!
Mort Gets A Head of Himself
She's Been De-Feeted!
Yngwie's Brother Yngwe

I Am A Turkey. Kill Me.

Just a quick Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at The Manchester Morgue.

Anyone else a little frightened by this picture? I think the creepy little bastards at the upper left of the dinner table are going to be doing a little carving of their own with the other members of the family in a minute here. Look out.

Night of the Living.....Jews?

Night of the Living Jews is a short (20 Min. or so) zombie comedy that was made in 2007. I have no idea how I hadn't heard of it before now - I must be slipping in my old age. I know a lot of people are probably sick of the low budget funny zombie film, but I personally can't seem to get enough. I haven't watched it NOTLJ yet, but I'm looking forward to it. It looks like it should be rather entertaining, and there is even some pretty striking imagery on display for good measure.

Here's the official synopsis from the Heeb Magazine site:

"On the first night of Passover the residents of a remote Jewish bungalow colony are turned into flesh-eating zombies by matzo with a dark history. In the hunt for human flesh these Hasidic zombies descend on an unsuspecting gentile family in their quiet farmhouse. The loving mother and father and their mischievous son and nubile teenage daughter face an almost certain end until a mysterious stranger miraculously appears to save the day. In Night of the Living Jews you’ll journey through a hellish night of terror, romance and a frighteningly non-kosher diet."

If you're interested in owning a copy, you can pick one up here.

Bill and Ted's Bogus Comic Book Adaptation

Sorry about the lack of posts this past week, I was out of town on a bit of a vacation for the last week or so. But I'm back, and I'd thought I'd start off with a little comic adaptation of my favorite Bill and Ted movie (part 2). It follows the movie pretty closely, but there are a few things that are slightly different. One thing I noticed, they changed Ted saying that heaven was "most atypical" to "most semi-typical", which doesn't sound very funny at all. Or accurate, because the heaven in Bogus Journey was supposed to look a bit different than what we're used to seeing in movies, thus making it atypical, not semi-typical. In fact, I'm not certain semi-typical is even an actual recognized term.

But I won't go any further into that, because I don't think anyone is too worried about it. It's a Bill and Ted comic. If you're bored, this will give you something to read for 20 minutes or so.

Things To Watch For:

James Martin of Faith No More: The Animated...Comic Panel?
Thwarted By The Evil Robot Us's
The Melvining of Death (literally)
Station - Now In Green!
Oh, No, They're Brown Again
Rufus - Spanked with Dog
No Comic Version of Primus? Lame.

Download

You Can't Do That On Television

This is Barth, Alasdair, Alanis, Christine (weird name, right?) and the rest of the gang from the strangest young adult sketch program to ever come out of Canada: You Can't Do That On Television

Nickelodeon announced about a year ago that they would be releasing DVD sets, but I'm pretty sure they decided to drop that idea for whatever reason. It's actually a bit odd considering the show was actually on for a decade. I'm sure it would sell at least as well as Clarissa.

The show is probably best known for the early appearances of one Alanis Morissette. Who ever would've thought that young, half Wolverine/half Fats the Dummy haircut-having Alanis from You Can't Do That On Television would grow up to sell 55 million albums, then star as God in a Kevin Smith movie? I for one, did not see that one coming. She actually wasn't in all that many episodes, but I did include two of hers here today. She's in Parties (anyone?) and IRONICALLY* she's also in the Pop Music episode. Well, I guess that's more coincidental than ironic, really. Oh well, I'm not changing it.

I'd go into more detail aboot the show, but YCDTOTV.com has everything you could possibly ever need to know about the show. Including current photos of many of the 100+ cast members who appeared on the show over the years.

Things To Watch For:

Adolescent Assassination Attempts
Alasdair - He Wears Short Shorts
Blurring the line between "secrect admirer" and "stalker"
Introducing the Trapezoidal Hitler Mustache
Phytophilous Principal
Barthy Burgers - Still better than Friday's
The Bus Driver With The Sgt. Slaughter Shades
The Monocle - The Unicycle of Eyeglasses
Naked Boys and Priest jokes: The Early Years
Meatballs: Canadian Style. Oh wait....
Dave Was....Her?
Alasdair - Bondage fan?
The Green Slimes - Hey, at least they're better than Nickelback
Boombox of The Gods

The 3 B's : Black Sabbath, the Blue Oyster Cult, and the B52s

*Sorry.

Brian May - Dr. Giggles

Well, it's Halloween, and what better way to celebrate than with the score from the horror classic Dr. Giggles (real name, Doctor Rendell). Okay, certainly not a classic but I do think that while it lacks in quality, it makes up for it by being really, really odd. It's so full of inventive gore scenes and terrible zingers that on some level it's hard for me to dislike it.

The score was done by Brian May (not the guy from Queen). One year prior to scoring Dr. Giggles he worked on the equally bizarre Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. Another movie I really enjoy despite it's best efforts to prevent me from doing so.

1. Dr. Giggles (05:21)
2. Tivoli Street (03:01)
3. Re-Opening Case (02:37)
4. The Doctor's In (01:54)
5. The Gentle Blue Pill (04:07)
6. The Cops Search (02:18)
7. Jenny Talks To Max (00:47)
8. We Are What We Eat (01:44)
9. A Heart Problem (01:49)
10. Mirror Maze (04:32)
11. Magruder's Flashback (04:04)
12. Doctor Heal Thyself (04:36)
13. Have A Heart (03:54)
14. The Rescue (03:02)
15. Fight And Flight (05:39)
16. He's Not Dead (04:36)

If you're wondering, I think Giggle would have to be the 3rd worst word for laugh, right behind Chortle and Guffaw.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - 20th Anniversary out now

As any MSTie* out there should already know, Shout Factory now has the rights to future MST3K DVD releases. They just put out their first release, a 4-disc set containing the episodes First Spaceship on Venus, Laserblast, Future War and one of my favorites, Wahrwilf. The set comes in a large, very shiny tin (shiny good) with a cool little Crow T. Robot statue.

The tin, in all it's glory. It's pretty huge, actually. Looking at it from the front, it's not much bigger than a normal DVD case. But, this thing is pretty deep. It's not as far back as, say, the Blind Dead Collection coffin box, but it's close. It's about 6 1/2 regular Amaray cases thick. Think Planet of the Apes Legacy Collection thick.

And here's a shot of everything else. DVDs, Lobby Cards and Crow.

Those of you interested in owning this set (like myself) might need to hurry. Shout released this statement a few days ago on their site:
News Flash...News Flash...News Flash

Due to an unexpected level of demand, all copies of the deluxe version of the Mystery Science Theater 3000 20th Anniversary Edition 4-DVD box set have shipped to retail outlets in advance of the October 28, 2008 release date.

As a result, Shout! Factory is rush-releasing the standard version of the box set, which contains all four film episodes and DVD bonus features, but not the collectible tin box, the Crow T. Robot figurine, or lobby cards that are part of the deluxe version. The standard 4-DVD box set version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 20th Anniversary Edition will arrive in stores on November 18.

Shout! Factory

It sounds like a huge deal, but it's not. Places like Amazon or even some stores like Best Buy should still have them available. And if you miss it, fear not, the set will be released without the tin on November 18th. But if you want the tin or the Crow statue, you might want to visit your nearest DVD purchasing establishment soon.

*Speaking of MSTies, you're not a true MSTie unless you're wearing my newest creation - The MSTie: Coming Soon From Phelpsco:

Psychos in Love - Theme Song by Carmine Capobianco and Debi Thibeault

I'm just posting one track this time, but it's a great one. This is from the obscure 1986 horror/comedy/mockumentary Psychos in Love. A touching love story that follows bloodletting barkeep Joe and his deranged soul mate - a maniacal manicurist named Kate - on their mission to kill every person they meet that enjoys grapes. Or any grape products. You see, Joe and Kate hated all kinds grapes. They hated green grapes. They hated purple grapes. They hated grapes with seeds. They hated grapes without seeds. They hated them peeled. They hated them non-peeled. They hated them in bunches, one at a time, and in small groups of twos and threes. They fucking hated grapes. With a vengeance.

Anyway, the theme song that I'm presenting here was actually performed by Joe and Kate - the very love-stricken Psychos of the title. Unfortunately the theme is all I have right now, but given the obscure nature of this film I don't think the score stands a chance of being released. And unless Gorman Bechard and Carmine Capobianco somehow see this post and let us know where to find it, I don't think we're getting it. Hell, the movie itself is near impossible to find. You've got the long out of print Wizard Video copy, or the super limited German DVD (limited to 300 copies). That's it as far as I know. Odd that it's so limited because it's actually a very funny film with two of the most likable and entertaining on-screen serial killers you're likely to find.

I ripped this myself from the German DVD earlier today. As you'd imagine with a 16mm film made over 20 years ago, the sound quality isn't great, but it shouldn't make your ears bleed or anything of that nature.

I’m hotter than a warm front rolling in off the Gulf of Mexico

And what the hell, how about the lyrics?

Joe's Part:
You walked into my life one night,
at first I thought you’d be like all the rest.
Boring to talk to, and boring in bed,
in general an all around pest.
I was all set to cut you into little bitty-bits,
chop you, dice you, slash you, slice you,
Drill you with drill-bits.
You turned my life around with your beauty and scent,
and all I did was kiss you once and it was straight to heaven I went,
Said, all I did was kiss you once and it was straight to heaven I went.

Cuz I’m a psycho in love, I can’t help myself,
Psycho in love, I’m a psycho in love,
Never felt this way about anyone else,
I’m a psycho, psycho in love.

And now the lady's:
You’d be just another victim so,
when you asked me out I said sure.
My motto has always been: "An ounce
of prevention is worth a manicure."
I thought you’d end up being just some other guy,
I was set to stick my scissors right into your eye.
You proved to me that life could be fun without the blood,
I love you even though you’re pudgy and you look like Elmer Fudd.
I love you even though you’re pudgy and you look like Elmer Fudd.

Cuz I’m a psycho in love, I can’t help myself,
Psycho in love, I’m a psycho in love,
Never felt this way about anyone else,
I’m a psycho, psycho in love.

And then it just kind of goes on like that, you get the idea.

One more thing before I go. Does anyone have, or know where I can find a good quality scan of the Wizard cover art? That art is fantastic and I'd love to make a DVD cover for it. I found decent scans of the front and back, but the front has a lot of glare that might make it a pain in the ass to work with.

Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3

Here's the soundtrack from the third installment of the Texas Chainsaw series, Leatherface: TCM 3, or Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III for long. Featuring Death Angel, Sacred Reich, and several other bands of less importance. Coincidentally, this is the second time I'm posting something with the song Methods of Madness by the band Obsession - That song was also in Sleepaway Camp 3 (soundtrack here). I'm a little disappointed that the punk band Leatherface doesn't have a track on the soundtrack. Having a band named after the main character in the movie appear on the soundtrack to a sequel seems like something you'd have to make happen if you were responsible for the soundtrack. TCM3 came out in 1990, they were around then, they should've called them. Bastards. Lääz Rockit (what the hell is a Lääz Rockit anyway?) has a song called Leatherface on here, but that's just not the same.

The film is not the best in the series (though certainly no TCM: The Next Generation) but there are some great casting choices, Viggo Mortensen, Ken Foree, Tom Everett and even Clu Gulager's wife Miriam Byrd-Nethery as Mama Sawyer. By the way, don't be shocked if it is eventually revealed that David Duchovny is the illegitimate son of Tom Everett. I mean come on!


Now that the word Leatherface has appeared more times in this post than it did in the entire script for the movie, I should finish up. Here's the tracklist:

1. LEATHERFACE (04:10)
Laaz Rockit
2. BORED (03:27)
Death Angel
3. WHEN WORLDS COLLIDE (05:42)
Wrath
4. SPARK IN MY HEART (04:56)
Hurricane
5. POWER (04:05)
SGM
6. ONE NATION (03:20)
Sacred Reich
7. MONSTER MASH (05:31)
Utter Lunacy
8. THE GIFT OF DEATH (08:50)
Wasted Youth
9. METHODS OF MADNESS (03:24)
Obsession
10. PSYCHOTIC KILLING MACHINE (03:22)
MX Machine

Mary Shelley Overdrive - Bride of Shock Theatre

Hot on the heels of the release of their debut Mary Shelley Overdrive has unleashed a new EP just in time for Halloween. I debuted a couple of the tracks a few weeks back, and now the full EP is available for download, for the low, low price of on the house. Just head on over to their site for more info and download links for Bride of Shock Theatre and the prequel, if you will, for that one entitled Shock Theatre.

Here's the write-up from their official site:

"October 3, 2008 — Columbia, SC-based band Mary Shelley Overdrive has made two albums available today as free downloads.
The band made a splash earlier this year with an impromptu collection of covers titled Hideous Sexy. Released the same weekend as Bo Diddley’s death, the album featured a cover of his classic “Who Do You Love,” described by New York Magazine as a “muscle-bound goth dirge.”
Hideous Sexy was a collection of cover songs recorded during the creation of the band’s self-titled LP, released September 24, 2008. It has been available as a free download at the band’s website, www.maryshelleyoverdrive.com, since May.
Joining that album today are two more EPs — Shock Theatre, and Bride of Shock Theatre. Both are also posted as free downloads.
Shock Theatre is a re-mastered version of the band’s first EP, originally posted for download a year ago today. It has since been discontinued but, after the release of Hideous Sexy, the band was hit with requests to make their earlier effort available again to the public.
“Shock Theatre was recorded when we were still trying to find our sound,” said guitarist Simon McCorkindale. “We had some problems with it and wanted to tinker a little with the sound before making it available again.”
Most of those changes were minor adjustments to the mix. During the re-mixing process, though, the band decided to record new vocals for the cover of Rob Zombie’s “House of a Thousand Corpses,” turning it into a duet between singer Mark Wood and bassist Miss Wyckedevil Jones.
When the band finished its self-titled LP, they returned to the studio and recorded seven new songs in a week. Titled “Bride of Shock Theatre,” it’s a collection original compositions peppered with covers of tunes by Blue Oyster Cult, New Math and Bauhaus.
“It’s got a rushed, impromptu sound that I like,” said singer Mark Wood. “It sounds very ‘live.’ We didn’t do many takes or spend much time obsessing over details.”
Hideous Sexy, Shock Theatre and Bride of Shock Theatre are available as free downloads at www.maryshelleyoverdrive.com. These albums are available to bloggers, podcasters and radio stations to post and share however they wish."

The most interesting fact we've found, these killings occured during sexual intercourse

Here is the soundtrack from the 1983 Heroin Addicts From Outer Space classic Liquid Sky. This is easily one of the most bizarre albums you'll ever hear - up there with Bonanza: Christmas on the Ponderosa or Electric Dragon 80.000 V (which I've also been meaning to post). Not knocking the album, just a heads up, this one starts weird and just gets weirder. Don't listen on an empty stomach.

1. Noon (01:49)
2. Alien's Theme I (01:40)
3. Night Club I (01:01)
4. Jimmy's Theme (01:17)
5. Margaret's Childhood Theme (01:41)
6. The WayThe Alien Kills (01:07)
7. Me And My Rhythm Box (02:46)
8. Night Club II (00:37)
9. Sunset (01:00)
10. Margaret's Apartment I (02:17)
11. Katherine In The Club (01:01)
12. Afternoon (02:40)
13. Wordplay (02:45)
14. Night Club III (01:21)
15. Fashion Show (02:25)
16. Seduction of Victims (01:07)
17. Margaret's Apartment II (02:18)
18. Alien's Theme II

Mary Shelley Overdrive Unveils Full-Length Debut

Back in July I made a post featuring a free EP download from a group of very cool guys known collectively as Mary Shelley Overdrive. Since that post a couple of guys from the band have been nice enough to keep me updated with the various goings-on that are, uh, going on with them. Well today they let me know that their first full-length album is officially available for purchase. You can buy the album at Createspace, or you can download the MP3s from Amazon or Snocap if you prefer. If that cover doesn't scream out "Buy Me!" I don't know what does. For more info on the album and the band check out their site. You can also hear a lot of samples of their music on their MySpace page (see the Snocap link above). If you like what you hear, I urge you to buy the album. Hell, buy two, they're cool guys.

That's not the only reason I'm posting though, today I am proud to debut a couple of songs from their upcoming EP entitled Bride of Shock Theatre, that were sent to me by Simon (he's in the band!). One is a cover of New Math's song They Walk Among You, the second is a MSO original called The Lament of Janos Skorzeny. You can check both of those tracks out exclusively-ish (I think) at the link below. The EP will be available as a free download on their site starting October 4th.

The aforementioned "link below"

Also, before I go, I'd like to wish a Happy Birthday to both Simon (see above) from Mary Shelley Overdrive and my best-friend-since-I-was-9, better known as David.

Friday the 13th

Thanks to everyone for the birthday wishes! It turns out I've got nothing going on today except for some major lounging around I've gotta take care of later. So here is Wildstorm's 6-issue Friday the 13th series. I don't know if it's the same artist, but it looks very similar to the art from the F:The13th Bloodbath series I posted here before. Ridiculously gory death scenes and women with breasts literally the size of watermelons. I mean, most comics overdo the curves on the female characters, but these are ridiculous. As an artist myself I understand this practice. If you draw a woman who is lacking up top a lot of the time it ends up looking like you've drawn an 11-year old girl, even if the character you're doing is supposed to be a grown woman. At least in my experience that is. Not to say that an actual woman who is lacking up top looks like a little girl, this really only applies to comic book style art.

Things To Watch For:
Rooftop Fisticuffs
Tongue-Fu
Dial AAA For Murder
Issue 4, Page 17. Gross.
Gay Bashing?
She's Gotta Split
Denogginized!
Zombie Noogie
He's Unarmed!
Zombie Archery

Phelpster's Narcissistic Birthday Post

Just a quick post to mention to everyone that it's my birthday today, so I don't know if I'll post anything over the next couple of days due to the immense amount of partying down I will surely be partaking in. That's right, Phelpster has hit the big 2-7. Just think, two years ago I was finally old enough to rent a car. Of course, I've never had a reason to rent a car, but it's nice to have the option.

Of course, we all know the real reason anyone posts anything regarding their Birthday is to shamelessly force people to have to give them Happy Birthday greetings, so feel free to do those here, if you are so inclined. But you are under no obligation, of course.

Oh, and sorry to anyone who saw the Bloody Birthday picture and assumed this was a soundtrack to that film. I'm diabolical.

Tom Holland's Child's Play Audio Commentary

Here's a little treat I just came across for any of you who picked up the new Child's Play DVD and were saddened by the lack of participation from the film's director. Apparently there is some bad blood between director Tom Holland and producer David Kirschner and Tom was not asked to participate in any of the features. The guys over at Icons of Fright didn't think that leaving a willing participant like Tom out was very cool, so they contacted him and he agreed to do a commentary for them. The track features Tom Holland and moderator Tim Sullivan (Director of 2001 Maniacs). Those of you interested should head on over to this page here to download the commentary. It's about 122 MB when all is said and done.

Sure it's not as cool as having it included on the DVD, but it's free and if you've got the right programs you can easily add the commentary on there yourself with a little tweaking. Not unlike syncing up a Rifftrax to a DVD.

Phelpster's Custom Covers : Volume 3

I thought it was time to post a few more of my custom covers. Like last time I have linked the images to my DeviantArt pages, so if you want to see one larger just click on the link, then click on the image on DeviantArt.

First up is Child's Play. A new DVD of the first Child's Play just came out a few days ago. I think the new cover is pretty cool, but my idea was to try and design the case after the Good Guys box. If I were working for MGM and had final say in the packaging, the idea was to have there be a slip sleeve with a hole in it where Chucky appears on the front. Then put some clear plastic on the slip sleeve to make it look like Chucky was still packaged up, waiting to get out. Maybe if Universal ever gets the rights to the first movie they could make a box set using a similar design. This one, as you can see, is not complete. But until I find a scan of the back of the Good Guy dolls box I'm just keeping it incomplete.

Next up is my experimental Army of Darkness cover. You may remember a while back I posted an image of the Japanese Army of Darkness poster. I've tried to use that and work it into DVD form. The back was done by me, but I couldn't even attempt to match up the cluttered chaos of the front on the back. And I hate the Special Features box on the back, but I couldn't come up with anything better than what I have there already.

Here is my cover for The Incredible Shrinking Man. Universal released it in a Classic Sci-Fi Collection, but I found an old cover from Richard Matheson's box and just had to use it for something. So I've made Shrinking Man his own cover, based on the basic template used for a lot of Universal's classic titles like Rear Window or Vertigo.

This is from the 1968 film The Green Slime. I used a very cool poster I found for the front and kind of improvised on the back. Someone suggested I change the font color to green for the title, but I couldn't find a green I liked for it.

Someone over on the HorrorDVDs forum requested a cover for unbelievably bizarre TerrorVision (starring Bud The CHUD!), here's what I came up with. This one was kind of a pain in the ass because the front image came from a Dutch VHS, so I had to remove the tagline and do an English one over the front. I think it worked out okay, but I need to fix the spine a bit, the title looks a bit weird there.

Double Dragon - Now A Minor Motion Picture

I had never actually seen Double Dragon until today. I think it sort of feels like the kind of movie Troma would've made if their Toxic Crusaders cartoon experiment would've been successful. It's hard to explain, but the low budget corny humor featured throughout and the Tromaville-esque New Angeles setting just make it feel kind of like a family friendly Troma movie. That said, it's a pretty fun movie, the cast seemed to be enjoying themselves and that kind of shows through, elevating the material a tiny bit. But even if you don't find the movie entertaining the heckling potential is almost endless. Scott Wolff's poor martial arts skills, Robert Patrick's hair, the effects, Robert Patrick's hair, Abobo, Robert Patrick's hair...

Feeling like a Troma movie isn't the only crime this movie is guilty of committing. They've also managed to make Alyssa Milano - one of the most strikingly beautiful women ever made - look weird and kind of boylike. Most of the movie she has this ridiculous short blond haircut that just does not work. I wasn't sure it was possible to make her not attractive*, but Double Dragon has proven me wrong. Well played Double Dragon, well played. In fact I think her odd appearance in this movie put her into a pretty deep depression, immediately after she went on to seemingly attempt to prove her attractiveness by appearing nude in 4 different things (3 movies, 1 Outer Limits episode) in 2 years. Much to the delight of nudity fans everywhere.

Things to watch for:

Kogo Shuko - Wears his sunglasses at night.
House Jacking
The Ancient Art of Noogie
Robert Patrick is "The Shadow"
Andy Dick, one of the most disappointed groan inducing performers of our generation. (How does this guy get work?)
Take That, Madonna!
The Japanese Yamaka
Jaws: The "Ride"
Spray Cheese May Contain Nitrous
Necksticles
The Articulate Zombie
Take That, Post Office Of the Future
Extreme Loitering!
I'd Like To Download Her Mainframe

A Common Reaction To The Final Level of Double Dragon

*Okay, she's still kinda cute.

Stay Tuned - Review

 

The 1992 film Stay Tuned, probably the oddest film the late John Ritter ever appeared in. Still feels so weird saying "late" in front of his name, doesn't it? Anyway, John is Roy Knable, on-the-verge-of-being-divorced father of two and devout television (and fencing) fanatic. One night after a trophy related mishap his beloved TV becomes smashed. As luck would have it late-night door to door television salesman Spike arrives at his door - almost immediately after his old TV (let's call her Lucille) bites it - with the bitchin-est TV and massive satellite dish 1992 had to offer, at an unbeatable price. On the house.

Of course Spike is no ordinary late-night door to door television salesman, he's actually the Unlord Almighty. Or Satan, if you will. And this is no ordinary television, it's a....telEVILision (right?) featuring 666 cable channels from hell. 666, The Number of Channels of The Beast. Through a series of wacky shenanigans Roy and his wife Helen end up sucked into the massive satellite dish, right into the very programs that are airing. All live, all the time, apparently. They have to survive 24 hours bouncing from evil TV show to evil TV show or they have to surrender their eternal souls to Spike. It's kind of like Pleasantville, only with more Satan. And wrestlers. In addition to Ritter the film also stars Jeffrey Jones as Spike (aka Lucifer), Eugene Levy as Crowley (Evil!) and the legendary Don Calfa as Wetzel.

It's a pretty weird movie and one I wouldn't mind seeing remade. It's a decent enough movie, but some of the humor falls pretty flat, especially now, over 15 years later with dated Northern Exposure or Wayne's World references. Of course now it'd probably look a lot like those mercilessly horrible "________ Movies" they are churning out twice a year now. I think someone like Michael Gondry or God-willing, Terry Gilliam might be able to have a decent go at it.

Set phasers to... Torture!

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos - The Animated Series!

I've seen Karate Kommandos, now you will hear about it. All 5 episodes that aired back in 1986.

The set-up is pretty much like any standard 80s Action-Toon with a message; G.I. Joe, Mister T, Magnum P.I., etc. Chuck and his Karate Kommandos must fight off countless evil henchmen sent by the even eviler Klaw (no, not this guy) - leader of some sort of notorious evildoing organization. Klaw and his Kronies use everything from parachuting ninjas to the walking dead to stop the CNKK, but as you'd imagine Chuck and the gang are an unstoppable force of asswhoopery.

In addition to Norris (pronounced "NOORRRRIISSS!!", apparently - you'll see), The Karate Kommando troupe includes:

• Pepper (no, not her) , a technology expert and mechanic - She's the hot one
• Reed, Chuck's young apprentice and Pepper's brother - He's totally unremarkable
• Kimo, a samurai - He farts in evil's general direction
• Tabe, a sumo champion - He's the fat one.
• Too Much - Chuck's young ward. He's an idiot.

In addition to roughly 20 minutes of white-knuckle animated action, each episode contains a live-action intro by Chuck (seemingly on the set of the Total Gym infomercial) where he sets up the episode. Sometimes shirtless. Then at the end of the episodes Charles gives us a morality briefing. Sometimes shirtless. Sort of like a non-undead (or "living"), occasionally shirtless Cryptkeeper.

Things to Watch For: (sure this is a ripoff of Joe Bob's thing, but it's fun to do, so I'll probably do this more often with stuff I post)

• Sealab 1986
• NORRRISSS!!
• Manned Torpedoes
• Headlock At 17,000 Feet
• The Laser Robot
• Voodoo Induced Owie
• Mmmm...Barbecue Chuck Norris
• Trains That Lose And Gain Cars At Will
• Parachute Ninjas Of Perpetual Doom
• Tough Actin' Tanaka
• Thelma and Louise-ing It
• Jet Propelled Hang Gliders

Go Kommando

Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos - It's Not A Comic, It's A Graphic Novel

I found this the other day and felt it was ridiculous enough to share. This is Star Comics' (an imprint of Marvel) short-lived series based on the short-lived cartoon Chuck Norris: Karate Kommandos. The 4 issues that complete the series credit Jo Duffy and Steve Ditko with the writing and art (respectively) but come on, we all know Chuck made these damn things himself. Every page some sort self-congratulatory "Man, Chuck Norris is one bad dude!" "Yeah, and what an ass!" dialog. And look at the size of his name compared to the Karate Kommandos in the title. He clearly doesn't fully respect his associates in this little Karate Force he has assembled.

Things to watch for:

• Self-congratulatory "Man, Chuck Norris is one bad dude!" "Yeah, and what an ass!" dialog
• The rarely used contraction "Chuck'll"
• Ninja One calling Master Ninja
• A classroom full of boys with man crushes on Chuck Norris
• A "SUPER NINJA" who doesn't know what Nunchucks are
• Awkwardly drawn cats
• Sumo Wrestler in wetsuit
• Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus Vengeance,
• Adolescent homosexual crushes based on a shared spelling expertise.

FWAP!

 

For more Chuck fun, check out the Flash game Chuck Norris Attack of the Massacre Ninjas