House of Hammer/Halls of Horror 21-30

Here is the last of the House of Hammer issues. They eventually changed the title to Halls of Horror, but it's still the same magazine. I realize the covers aren't in order, Blogger uploads pictures so that the first picture in the list is the first to appear on the post. Meaning that it will be at the bottom. I'm too lazy to fix it right, but I doubt anyone will really care much.

A Remake On Elm Street

We have a trailer. Looks pretty decent, some of the shots of Freddy in the shadows are very striking, but I'm not too sure about the one actual face shot we get at the end. He looks almost...cute? Like a burnt muppet or something. I can't quite put my finger on it, but he looks like a cute loveable character I've seen before.

MST3K Squirm Review

I haven't put any Mystery Science Theater up in quite some time, so here is the 12th episode of the final season. This is their take on Jeff Lieberman's Squirm. A tale of a dorky scrawny city boy and his daft scrawny bumpkin girlfriend in a fight against mutant earthworms - occasionally portrayed by spaghetti noodles. There's also a burly mildly retarded Steve Young/Alvin The Chipmunk looking man, who may or may not be a rapist, depending on what part of the movie you're at. Is he dumb and socially awkward, or is he a sex offender with a record? The movie didn't seem to know, why should we?

In addition, we also get a hilarious short called A Case of Spring Fever in which an obnoxious demonic sprite named Coily shows an obnoxious old moron I think was named Joe - because in the 50's everyone was named Joe - just how important springs are to the world. Turns out, without them the world would cease to function.

This was the second to last episode of the show and the riffing is as strong as ever. I could be biased, Mike episodes with crappy 70's-80's horror/monster movies were always my favorite. I think if you liked Boggy Creek II, or A Touch of Satan you should certainly get a kick out of this one. Come for the over the top southern accents, stay for the legendary "worm in my egg cream" scene.

Interesting thing about this movie, it being shown on MST really pissed off director Jeff Lieberman. Jeff was apparently displeased with his film being shown on MST because "you can't goof on what's already a goof". I've seen Squirm, and if it was supposed to be intentionally comical - a "goof" if you will - some wires must've gotten crossed somewhere because it's not. Maybe in theory it's funny. Take the "creatures run amok" formula, except instead of a killer shark or a big ass grizzly, what if it were something harmless, like regular sized worms. That can roar for some reason. However the actual movie just seems like a regular fairly dull creature picture that just happens to be funny because it's kinda stupid.

I'm not trying to sound like a dick or anything here. I respect him as a filmmaker - Blue Sunshine, Just Before Dawn and Remote Control are all very entertaining - I'm just saying I didn't think Squirm was a goof. Either way, the movie does have a pretty metal poster.

Henry Gibson - September 21, 1935 - September 17, 2009

Henry Gibson September 21, 1935 - September 17, 2009

There have been a lot of celebrity deaths lately, but this one really got to me. Maybe because I used to watch Henry on Laugh-In with my Grandfather when I was a kid and it's reminding me of him. Or maybe because The 'Burbs was my favorite movie until I was about 11. Probably a combination of the two.

He's one of the few guys who I feel the need to yell out the name of when I see them in a movie. I'm pretty sure I did this in the theater during Wedding Crashers. Him and Udo Kier. Udo wasn't in Wedding Crashers, I mean I yell out his name during movies also.

I think a week-long movie watching marathon tribute dedicated to Henry is in order for us all. Some possible choices:

Blues Brothers
The Halloween That Almost Wasn't
Innerspace
The Long Goodbye
Monster in the Closet
The 'burbs
Wedding Crashers

Mummies, Humanimals and Frankenstein are all inside of the House of Hammer

Okay, another huge break from posting. This one wasn't my fault (entirely). Let me explain.

I've never really been a fan of Megadeth. Dave Mustaine's usually ridiculous vocals always kill the music for me. But their early albums are always on "best thrash album" lists, and I'm a laid back dude, I'm willing to give a band I don't like a second chance. But since I'm not a fan, I thought I'd just download an album or two to see if my opinion had changed. I know, I know, downloading readily available music is bad, but spending money on music you might hate is worse. So I clicked on the first Blogger site I saw, found a couple albums to check out and clicked the link. The site I found it on didn't use one of the major downloading services, but I've always had good luck with not having anything really bad happening to me when downloading. The next thing I know, Bam!

Trojan.

Computer turns itself off. I get the computer back up, run like 4 different anti-virus/anti-malware/etc. programs. I am able to kill most of the problems but this one son of a bitch will. Not. Die. Somehow killing the others off just makes this one stronger. Now I can't get Firefox to open. I can't get Opera to open. I'm stuck using IE, for god's sake. Now none of the anti-virus programs will stay open for more than 5 seconds. Whoever developed this trojan (Dave Mustaine, I'm looking in your direction), good job, you win. You murdered my computer.

The moral of the story, I guess, would be "Don't illegally download music". However, we all know we're going to end up doing it at some time for some reason, so when you must download music steer clear of non-Rapid, Mega, Mediafire, and maybe 4shared links for downloading.

Luckily Nero is somehow unaffected by this, so at least I don't lose all of my files. So, I had to go in, back up a shit-ton of files (I had almost 8GB of Photoshop DVD cover related files alone) and eventually go in there and completely format the hard drive. Damn you Dave Mustaine.

Anyway, I'm back up and running, so here are issues 14-20 of House of Hammer. I believe the cover for issue 14 has the only known painting of a caveman getting hit in the crotch by a dancing tyrannosaurus. So it's got that going for it. Also, issue 18 wins the award for "Worst Werewolf". Drunken Security Guard Werewolf from the 1996 movie Werewolf step aside.

People have been clamoring for more Mystery Science Theater, so stayed tuned for that. And by the way, the feds have put the kibosh on my Tokyo Gore Police OST post, so sorry to anyone who missed it, but I'm not going to try and post it again.

House of Hammer Magazine 8-13

Here are 6 more issues of House of Hammer Magazine. Featuring comic adaptations of several classics like Plague of the Zombies, Curse of the Werewolf and The Gorgon, among others. I've gotta say I love the many Frankensteins, young and old, featured on the cover of issue 12. That would make for a cool shirt. See:

I'd also love to see an updated painting, featuring everyone to ever play a Frankenstein monster. Blackenstein, Herman Munster, Frank N. Stein from the old Monster Squad show, the Little Person Frankenstein from Full Moon's The Creeps, the Frankenstein that versed Dracula in Dracula vs. Frankenstein... I mean everybody. It would be a pretty huge painting, I think about 600 different guys have portrayed some kind of variation of Frankenstein's monster over the years. If only I could paint....

Spring Break - Bootleg Commentary Track

A couple weeks ago Anchor Bay released the classic 1982 Sean S. Cunningham comedy Spring Break starring David Knell, Jayne Modean and a dude who looks a lot like Ray Liotta with feathered hair. While AB did a great job on the transfer and everything, they failed to check and see if the cast of Spring Break might be interested in doing a commentary track.

Turns out, yes. Yes they would.

But since nobody from AB bothered to ask them, they've went out and recorded one themselves, guerrilla. "They" being David Knell, Jayne Modean, Perry Lang, Steve Bassett and Jeff Garlin. Yes, Jeff Garlin. He was only in the movie for a minute, (as a guy called Gut Gut) so I think it's pretty awesome that he'd be willing to join in on the commentary.



The asking price is $3.99, and I'll let David Knell explain why you should buy this commentary:


Those interested should click here to check it out. And, don't forget, I do have the soundtrack available to download, if you haven't already.

Jason vs. Leatherface Comic Book Mini Review

This is Topps Comics' (you know, the baseball card/stale chewing gum people) 3-issue miniseries Jason vs. Leatherface. In one corner the Chainsawing Cannibal Bubba Sawyer. In the other corner, the Mongloid Marauder Jason Vorhees. Who will survive and what will be left of him? You'll have to read and find out.

Each of the 3 issues features an incredible cover by Simon Bisley with interior art by Jeff Butler. Nancy Collins is credited as the writer

For even more Jason and Leatherface fun, be sure to check out some of the fan made stuff on YouTube. Apparently, if you know two tall fat guys, live near the woods and own a hockey mask from the 70s and a chainsaw you can make your very own Jason vs. Leatherface movie. Sumbitch

Zombieland Red Band Trailer (HQ)

New Red Band trailer for Zombieland. Stick it out to the end to witness the death of Ned Schneebly, on the crapper.

John Hughes - February 18, 1950 - August 6, 2009

A couple of days late with this post, but seeing how the man was responsible for making me laugh approximately 872 times over the past 20 years, I felt I still needed to remember him here, late or not.

Kids Go To The Woods... Kids Get Dead

This was released last month, somehow it slipped by me.

It look like just another modern slasher that's attempting to be a throwback to everyone's favorite slasher decade, the 1980's. What's interesting about Kids Get Dead is the way they've released it. You can purchase the DVD or a digital download here - nothing special there obviously - but they're also touring the movie, doing screenings at various theaters and including a DVD in the ticket price, plus a live performance from a band featured on the soundtrack. Sounds awesome to me. Of course I live nowhere near anywhere cool enough to have any kind of special movie screening. DVD it is for me I guess.

The DVD itself sounds really cool too, from Amazon:

"Do you remember staying up late to watch your favorite horror host on local television? With VHS tape in hand to record all the action (and hopefully not tape over anything important - like your home movies) this nearly forgotten ritual was a mainstay of our youth.

"Kids Go To the Woods... Kids Get Dead" brings back the classic slasher flick - complete with horny teenagers, worthless cops, a crazy war vet and a masked killer. Complete with VHS static, fake commercials and vignettes with horror hostess Candy Adams. It's kind of like a GRINDHOUSE for the cable/VCR generation.

It's Casey's (Leah Rudick) birthday and to celebrate her and her friends are headed to a cabin in the woods for a wild weekend of sex, drugs and partying. A crazed Killer (Joseph Campellone) has other plans for them and it's up to Casey's younger brother Scott (Andrew Waffenschmidt), aided by a mysterious novel that seems to spell out their fate, to find their only hope of survival. This product is manufactured on demand using DVD-R recordable media. Amazon.com's standard return policy will apply."

Random Screenshots - The Hausu Edition

The Graves - Brian Pulido Directs

Brian Pulido (Chaos! Comics) gives movie writing/directing a shot.

Present day. Arizona. Megan and Abby Graves are inseparable sisters that couldn't be less alike. Megan just graduated ASU with a marketing degree. She's a self-assured, naturally attractive rock chick with a black belt that she likes to use. Abby just barely graduated high school. She's a cute, Hot Topic Goth who's caustic and afraid of her own shadow. They share one thing: a life-long obsession with comics and pop culture. Simply put, they are beautiful geeks. In a few days, Megan will start a new job at in New York. To send her off in style, the sisters go on a wild, pop culture bender that includes a trip to uncharted Arizona in search of a kitchy roadside attraction. Instead, Megan and Abby happen on Skull City Mine, a weather-beaten, abandoned mine town converted into a self-guided tour. But Skull City harbors terrible, vexing secrets. It appears to be haunted. Its caretakers are murderous. Victims' souls are ripped from their bodies right before their eyes, and that's only the beginning. When Megan suffers a near mortal wound, Abby must save her sister, but to do so, she must unlock the mystery of Skull City alone. Can Abby defeat the threats of Skull City and rescue Megan or are they doomed like all the other tourists before them?

While I love Bill Moseley and Tony Todd, and the lead girls in this are certainly non-ugly, I'm not too sure about this trailer. It looks like it could be decent enough, but Tony seemed to be hamming it up. A lot. Only one way to find out I guess.

I did get a kick out of the description above using the term "Hot Topic Goth". I'm thinking someone has an exclusive merchandising deal with a certain retailer. And Skull City? Isn't that where King Kong lives?

Brian seems like a really good dude though, so hopefully this works out okay for him. You can check it out at the 4th After Dark Horror Fest coming January 2010.

The Graves - Trailer
Video sent by dreadcentral

Frédéric Talgorn - Robot Jox

This is the music from Stuart Gordon's 1990 film Robot Jox, composed by one Frédéric Talgorn and performed by the Paris Philharmonic Orchestra. That's a pretty fancy group of people to have work on what is essentially Rock 'em, Sock 'em Robots: The Movie.

I would have LOVED if Mystery Science Theater would've gotten ahold of this movie. This is the type of thing Rifftrax should be doing more of, low budget horror and sci-fi made between 1971 and 1993. Sure doing mainstream "real" movies is cool, but I wish they'd mix it up a bit more and do something like this or, say, The Burning once in a while. Of course millions of people own a copy of Fantastic Four (DVD shoppers really bought into that whole "fantastic" thing), whereas maybe 12,000 people even know what Robot Jox is, so I can see why they'd stick with something a lot of people would actually own.

Track listing

1. Overture (03:35)
2. Prologue/The Battlefield (02:44)
3. Achille's Bedroom (01:38)
4. "Open Her Up!" (01:14)
5. "Crash and Burn"/Achilles vs. Alexander (06:57)
6. Achilles Leaves (01:44)
7. Fanfare for Athena/The Jock Strap Bar (03:38)
8. "Hey Jock, Old Buddy" (02:01)
9. The Traitor (01:55)
10. Alexander's Four-Legged Robot (01:09)
11. "That Won't Work"/Achilles to the Rescue (02:47)
12. Space Battle (02:24)
13. Transformation (01:07)
14. The Final Confrontation (02:34)
15. "We Can Both Live!"/End Titles (04:28)

Total Duration: 00:39:55

Part Man. Part Metal.

In Space Bastard news I've decided that as much as I like Space Bastard as a blog name, it's kind of pointless to have 2 sites. Especially being that SB is being update about once a week at this point. So I plan on kind of merging the two together. By that I mean that any stuff I would've posted there I'll just post here instead. I'll keep that site up, but for now I'll just be sticking to posting on this one.

Even More Stuff You Can't Do On Television

Things you're going to want to watch for:

The Downside to Discount Plastic Surgery or I Think George Lucas Is Gonna Sue Somebody

Son of Clouseau - Hey, at least this kid's Clouseau isn't as annoying as Steve Martin's

Sir Thomas Crapper - Inventor of the Flush Toilet

Quatrogenarian Wolf

A Diet - will it hurt? Really?

How does this guy keep passing the health inspection?

Death by Smell-O-Rama - This would be funnier if you could see it


Bring Your Creepy English Daughter to Your Shift on You Can't Do That On Television Day

Rectums are no place for needles

Alasdair's T Tee - The Toughest Tee in the World

An Orange Sliming?

Les Lye 1924-2009

From CTV Otawa:

"CTV Ottawa legend Les Lye passes away

Actor and broadcaster Les Lye passed away on Tuesday at the age of 84.

Born in Toronto, Lye came to Ottawa after graduating from Lorne Greene's Academy of Radio Arts in 1948.

He joined CFRA Radio, where he served listeners for more than a decade. It was at CFRA, that he worked with Rich Little and they collaborated on a comedy album, 'My Fellow Canadians' - a spoof of the Diefenbaker years.

In 1961, he joined CJOH-TV as a freelance writer and performer. It was here, that he forged a long-lasting partnership with Bill Luxton. Together, they created the popular 'Willy & Floyd,' which ran for more than 20 years. Such personalities as Alanis Morissette, Klea Scott, Bruno Gerussi and Margaret Trudeau would drop by for surprise guest appearances.

Opportunity knocked when producers of 'You Can't Do That on Television' were looking for a versatile actor to play the many adult "foils" for the kids. Lye answered the call and instantly became a household name around the world.

Lye is survived by his wife Johnni, three children Brett, Daralyn and Emily."

I was a huge fan of his when I was a kid since You Can't Do That on Television was on Nickelodeon very often. I'm very sad to see him go, he was always my favorite actor on the show. I'll try and get some more episodes of YCDTOT uploaded in honor of Les. Until then, I do have a few episodes already posted.

Big Lots - Cheap Ass DVD Watch Vol. 4

Okay, I swear I don't work for this company. But their deals are getting better and better and I want to make sure the dozens (dozens!) of people who read my non-music sharing* posts can try and get in on these insane prices. I swung by yesterday and stumbled upon their latest assortment, $3 TV Box Sets, sets even better than the ones they had for $6 that I mentioned last week. I spent $45 total (well, $48 after tax) and came home with:

Something like $680 MSRP worth of discs for $45. That was pretty much all I could afford to buy yesterday, but they had a ton more. To name a few:

Adventures of Superman - All seasons
Birdman & Galaxy Trio
Flintstones S1,2,3,4,5 and 6
Jacques Cousteau River Explorations
Josie & The Pussycats
Larry King - Greatest Interviews
Lois & Clark - All Seasons
Murphy Brown
Space Ghost and Dino Boy
Tales From The Crypt S1,2,3,4,5,6 and maybe 7 (sooo glad I bought these for $20-30 a pop when they came out)

Also they have some other box sets with a $10 price point. I didn't find any of these, however a guy on a forum I go to took this picture of the $10 sets:

That NFL set has 40 discs by the way. That's gotta weigh 9 pounds. But, the best deal of all, some are finding this Looney Tunes Collection Volume 1-5 set, list price $325, among the $10 DVD sets.

If you've got a Big Lots! (not sure the exclamation in necessary) nearby, go.

*Speaking of music sharing, I know, I'll get some stuff up later today.

Vampire Tickle Fight - A Manchester Morgue Compilation

Time for another Morgue compilation. I call this one Vampire Tickle Fight. Why? Because. That's why! No, I just really felt the image of Drac and a victim to be looked more like they were engaged in a rather heavy bout of tickle fighting given that both opponents fingers are in each others armpit region - a popular tickling spot. I don't know. Either that or some kind of Amateur Vampire Chiropractory. Dammit, I think I like that better. Balls. Oh well, that doesn't really matter, the music included on the compilation is what's important. And I think you'll all enjoy at least a few of the obscure (and the some not at all obscure) songs on this comp. The tracks that make up this compilation are all songs featured in films, mostly of the horror variety, but a few 80s comedy songs are here as well.

Keep in mind, these tracks all come from a wide variety of sources - CD, LP, DVD, VHS, and maybe even LD rips - so the sound quality is going to vary from track to track. They should all be quite listenable, the only real problem is that some tracks are a lot quieter than others. I ripped some of these myself, found some on torrent sites and random Google searching. Credit and thanks go out to the people responsible for putting the others online.

The tracklist: Artist - Song Title - Film Song Is Featured In

1. Warning
2. Turbonegro - All My Friends Are Dead - Cold Prey
3. Van Stephenson - No Secrets - Secret Admirer
4. Alan Jordan - Mind To Mind - Scanners II: The New Order
5. 2 Tite - Full Moon - Murder Party
6. Terrence Mann - Power of the Night - Critters
7. Shari Belafonte - Get Dead - Midnight Hour
8. The Originals - Supernatural Voodoo Woman - Sugar Hill
9. Paul Sabu - Cassie's Song - Hard Rock Zombies
10. Gene Evaro - Oh What A Love, Oh What A Life - Mirror Mirror
11. Shandi - Living on the Edge - Making The Grade
12. Eric Troyer - This is the Love - The Night Visitor
13. Unknown Artist - Zaniac - Freak Out
14. Nuclear Assault - Something Wicked - Warlock II: The Armageddon
15. The Fontanelles - Kiss Kicker 99 - Hobgoblins
16. Crispin Clover - Ben - Willard
17. Ricky Nelson - Hello Mary Lou - Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II
18. Showaddywaddy - Under The Moon of Love - Lesbian Vampire Killers
19. Calamari Safari - Theme from Poultrygeist - Poultrygeist
20. Detroit's Most Wanted - The Reynold's Rap - Lunatics: A Love Story

And, I've gone through and made little notes on each track below:

Turbonegro - All My Friends Are Dead from Fritt Vilt aka Cold Prey.

Van Stephenson - No Secrets from Secret Admirer. There is a soundtrack to this, but I must be losing my touch because I was unable to track it down. However, this was my favorite track from the movie, so I've included it.

Alan Jordan - Mind to Mind from Scanners 2. I had a lower quality rip of this, so I did this one myself using my R2 Scanners 2 DVD. Great song actually, check it out.

2 Tite - Full Moon from Murder Party. Not my kind of music at all, but dammit all this is a fantastic track from a rather hilarious movie.

Terrence Mann - Power of the Night from Critters. This one is pretty poor quality, but it's nearly impossible to find the full length version, so this is as good as it gets for now. I was surprised it wasn't played over the end credits, that was a hugely popular practice in the 1980s.

Shari Belafonte - Get Dead from Midnight Hour. Currently one of the most valuable Out of Print DVDs around. Starting at $129 on eBay, all the way up to $712 on Amazon. A message to the Amazon seller asking the price of a fully funtioning 1974 Gremlin for a barebones DVD of a TV movie from 1985 - Good luck, fucker!

The Originals - Supernatural Voodoo Woman from Sugar Hill. Fantastic theme song from the Zomblaxploitation classic. Raunchy and soulful, like any blaxploitation theme should be.

Paul Sabu - Cassie's Song from Hard Rock Zombies.Lovely tune, but it would've been more fitting playing over the credits of a movie called Power Ballad Zombies, or Mid-80s Puss Rock Zombies.

Gene Evaro - Oh What A Love, Oh What A Life from Mirror Mirror. Starring my favorite actress named Rainbow, Rainbow Harvest. Rainbow Ching's got nothing on Rainbow Harvest. Thanks to Vinnie for this one.

Shandi - Living on the Edge from Making the Grade, the Judd Nelson comedy from 1984. Anyone have the full soundtrack from this? Limited Edition of 1,500 was put out in 2005, couldn't find it anywhere though.

Eric Troyer - This is the Love from The Night Visitor (1989). Starring a very bearded Elliot Gould. This song, while very catchy seems a little too "wussy" for a movie about demons, hookers and ritual killings.

Zaniac! from Freak Out. Can't remember who this was credited to, fun Maniac-sounding track from the end credits of the film.

Nuclear Assault - Something Wicked from Warlock II: The Armageddon.

The Fontanelles - Kiss Kicker 99 from Hobgoblins. For me, one of the all-time most rewatchable MST episodes is show 907, featuring Hobgoblins. The Fontanelles performance was just one of many high points. The chorus from this poor song (which isn't actually too bad) is misinterpreted by Mike, Tom and Crow as everything from Pig Licker to Lick Kisser to Piss Taker....wait, that last one was mine.

Crispin Glover - Ben from Willard. I'm pretty amazed that I couldn't find this as an MP3 anywhere online. There's a creepy music video for this on the Willard DVD - which is where this rip comes from. Surprised that it wasn't all over the interweb already.

Ricky Nelson - Hello Mary Lou from Prom Night II. Not a fan of Prom Night (boring, fun music though), but Prom Night II and the incredibly comedic Prom Night III are both a blast.

Calimari Safari - Theme from Poultrygeist. Troma's finest hour? In my opinion, yes. At the very least, this has the funniest credits I've ever seen. A sample:

Andrew Monkelban... Wheelchaired Protester (as Andy Monkelban)
Chris Sciuto ... Looks Like a Dick
Elisabeth Sobocinski ... Pretty Young Protester
A.J. Verel ... Mexican with no Greencard
Debbie Rochon ... Famous Actress Hit by Beer
Elske McCain (hey, I've traded DVDs with her) ... Naked Protester
Nick Koenig ... Inside-out Jared / Head Cracked & Brains Scrambled Victim
Joshua Samuel Strauss ... Neckbrace
Keith Godejohn ... Soccer Leg Victim
Verena Jahnke ... Face in Deli Slicer
Ian C. King ... Head Cracker & Brains Scrambler Zombie
Purple Pam Shelby ... Fake Tits Ripped Off
Kevin Barnes ... Fake Tits Eating Zombie
Justin Bivens ... Make a Wish Zombie (as Justin 'Beast' Bivens)
Ryan Mead ... Princess Chicken Zombie
Steven A. Grainger ... Drumstick Victim
Bitte Andersson ... Gives Birth to Egg
Beth Charlesworth ... Afro Zombie
Louie Podlaski ... Spineless Victim
Trevor Black ... Mohawked Zombie
Gregory Paul Smith ... Dead Zombie in the Fry Bin
Charlotte Kaufman ...Dance-off Zombie #1
Sam Anderson ... Dance-off Zombie #2
D.J. Markuson ... Eyes Pecked Out Massacre Victim (uncredited)

Detroit's Most Wanted - The Reynold's Rap from Lunatics: A Love Story. Starring one of my favorite people, the gorgeous and talented Deborah Foreman. Also featuring a manic performance from the great Ted Raimi.

Get Dead

AD Vee has supplied a better quality version of Power of the Night. Get it here. Thanks AD!

If you enjoyed this one, I've got another one in the works I like to call Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Werewolves (patent pending).